To be judgey about parents with babies with REALLY flat heads

[BigGingerCat]

Second AIBU thread I've started today - I must be mad.

First off - my DS has a bit of a flat patch, very mild. I know it happens because we all lay babies on their backs to sleep now, and it is apparently just cosmetic. Not talking about mild or moderate cases as these I understand can fix themselves when the baby gets older. I also accept that there is only so much you can do. But I go to a lot of baby groups and I would say that about 1 in 20 babies I've seen have heads which are entirely flat at the back, i.e from the neck up it's just a straight line. Literally it shocks me and I'm not easily shockable. And these same parents put their babies straight down on their backs for the whole of the baby group. Mine can't sit but I hold him on my lap, put him on his tummy, turn his head etc.... all things which I would have thought were basic common sense things to do.

I am not judging women who have PND and who are too exhausted and miserable to function, and where this may be a factor. I have it too. But there is no excuse for letting your baby get like this - surely skulls can't always pop back to normal if they're that far gone out of shape? Feel really sorry for the kids concerned, especially boys as their hair won't cover it. Am I the only person who notices this sort of thing and gets....well a bit judgey quite frankly?

bgc yabu, but I think you know that.

You clearly feel like you've failed at all sorts of other things so You're bitching about others perceived failures to make yourself feel better.

Here's the thing. It won't work. Bitching about other Mums never makes you feel better. It just makes you a bitch.

Here's another thing. You are not a failure. It might feel like that now, but trust me, all the things that might have gone wrong in the early days are nothing. So few of them have any impact on your child's life in the long run.

I have twins, and trust me, there is often no causal link between my actions and their reaction. Both spent an inordinate amount of time on their mats (I have but one pair of hands you see) and one has a flat head, the other lovely and round.

Give yourself a break.

Blondepinhead - this is more common than you think. Often a birth ( doesn't really matter what type but quick ones usually) can cause the skull/neck/ spinal areas not conjoining as well as they could. Babies get comfyish in 1 position. But they can be in pain, grumpy, unsettled, poor sleepers etc.

Really glad it got spotted and treated for you.

OP - In my last few posts I have not been having a dig at you. I have been highly amused by perfect skulls and parenting theory by LeonieDent. I hope you find the PND support section on this forum. Honestly there is support on here. Not in AIBU. Please use the other sections and then hopefully you will feel much happier and enjoy your baby. Even if you don't get help here - get some elsewhere.

The thing is, OP, it's highly unlikely that anyone would be unpleasant enough to tell you that your PND is setting your baby up for a miserable future, because the vast majority of people are not that gratuitously unpleasant. It must be very difficult for you to be suffering from PND but it would probably help a lot for you to focus on dealing with that in a positive way, rather than being so nasty about other people's parenting. No-one else's choices, mistakes or successes make you a better or worse parent to your baby - only your own choices can do that.

I have a feeling that you started this quite random thread in order to get your own issues out in the open - you could have just asked for support and you would have been given it.

I think the OP has been flamed slightly unecessarily. I say this because I had never heard of this before so did some research and found out that it is a genuine medical issue.

Its cosmetic and will not harm the baby but I was at how bad it could get and that if left untreated, could become irreversible. Apparently some toddlers have to wear special helmets to reshape their skulls!

TBH, I would be a bit to see a baby's head with absolutely no curve to the back but probably that is because I didn't know this was possible before. I wouldn't judge because I do know babies heads are extremely soft and some flatness can occur, but if it was as extreme as some of the pictures I looked at, I would probably be hoping the baby wouldn't have that forever.

You know not all babies have flat heads because they lie in one position. Some have conditions that affect the way the skull grows (or doesn't grow). Like my ds2.

You are a judging woman, your OP is vile and PND is no excuse. Actually, you sound vile so lets hope that's the depression talking not the real you, shall we?

I think the OP actually already made the point about genetic or other conditions, BarbarianMum, and she was making individual apologies further up the thread.

PND is a bugger. My thought processes went completely to shit when I was affected, and I blush to think of some of the stuff that went through my brain back then. Luckily I never vocalised any of it, but I'm pretty sure that most of it would have earned me a right royal flaming.

OP, YAVBU.

YABVU, even.

Wow If the OP has PND can't everyone just go a bit easy on her?

Ah Leonie I did not know that. Is that just from the condition that occurs from babies lying too much on one side?

I looked it up and Its called Plagiocephaly I believe.

That makes me really if I'm honest, to think it could be not just cosmetic but actually harmful.

I agree LDN and blondepinhead

op,i think perhaps you judgement is a bit impaired at mo.this isnt a particularly useful post

OP: nicely fuck off. You have an excellent shaped uterus, so your baby does not come out with congenital torticollis. Your baby does not as a result have plagiocephaly or brachycephaly. What an excellent parent you are. Have a medal.

she has pnd,and this is maybe not her finest moment

i appreciate this is really upsetting for parents who daily have to deal with prejuduce and staring and comments,about plagiocephaly or brachycephaly and this will undoubtedly have hit a nerve

one in ten of us mothers gets PND. It doesn't give you carte blanche to go around poking fun at children's medical issues.

DD, now 3.5 had and still has a very noticable flat side to her head from insisting on lying in only 1 position as a baby. I was vvv concerned about it and did bring her to consultant. Was told all that's been mentioned above. Luckily now she has load of hair and no one else would notice, but I know it's still there. I already felt awful enough about it and I'm so glad I didn't pause to think that I could have been judged for it.

Oh dear I was going to come on here and agree with op as I've seen some babies with v v v flat backs of heads and have just thought to myself 'that babies spending way too much time on their back' but am obviously going against the tide so will quietly sneak away........

Pnd is not a get out of jail free card to judge and insult.

Does it matter? The world isn't full of people going "Oh that's a really attractive person but...AARGH, they've got a flat head!". Have you ever concentrated on the shape of somebody's head?

zombie not pnd doesnt give carte blanche to offend but may explain impaired judgement,blunted affect and plain ole foot in mouth not excusuing her post - it is vv hurtful.esp when there is misunderstanding and prejudice around plagiocephaly or brachycephaly

but pnd is a recognised medical condition too

DD had a perfectly spherical bonce as a baby.

DS didn't. I didn't do anything different with him, apart from trying to get him to sleep on the other side to counteract his very flat head. It didn't work. He had plenty of tummy time and was a terrible sleeper so I spent a lot of time carrying and breastfeeding him night and day. I don't believe his flat head was caused by too much time on his back, because he hardly got any, and I would be mortified if I knew people were thinking my lax mothering was to blame.

He's almost 3 now and his head is much rounder, but I can still see it is slightly uneven.

I know a 16 year old with a flat-backed head

he is a lovely kid

For my sins, I'm back. Can't seem to stay away. Some of you haven't read the whole thread which I understand but I did say I'm absolutely NOT referring to those who have genetic or other conditions. Thank you to those who have pointed this out on my behalf.

Oh, and my uterus isn't perfect either - my baby might need to go to a specialist to sort out issues raised by coming down the birth canal - don't want to be too specific in case am recognised.

Actually, the photo leonie posted wasn't that bad, I wouldn't have thought anything about that, does not seem particularly unusual or bad at all. Don't want to get into trawling the internet for pictures but what I have seen is WAY worse than that and the mothers simply don't seem to notice or care!