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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some other mothers can be complete cows?

106 replies

crazycatlady · 07/04/2011 15:09

Two isolated incidents this week have made me wonder why women are so damn MEAN.

  1. I took toddler DD and 4wk old DS to a local cafe earlier this week - to get a smoothie as a reward for DD for being good at the bank and so I could sit and feed DS. The place was quite busy with babies and buggies. I couldn't get through to the only free table. Two mums were completely blocking the way with their buggies. They could see me struggling. I asked if I could get by and got a disgruntled 'oh, can't you manage?'. They stayed in their seats. I asked again if they could move their buggies and got a shouty 'no, can't you see we're BREASTFEEDING'. So I started to move one of their buggies so i could get by and got a 'don't move that, it's got things in it I need'. In the end I went somewhere else...

  2. At the playground today another toddler pushed my DD over so hard she went flying and landed on her face. He was pushing her away from the swing she was getting into. His mother saw the whole thing but didn't pull her son up on his behaviour. Instead she laughed while my DD was getting hysterical. I asked her if she was going to ask her son to apologise and she said 'why? that's what 2yr olds do'. When I replied, 'yes but it's not really acceptable to let them get away with it', two or three other mothers joined in and told me I was being ridiculous. DD was so upset she asked to go in the buggy and go home from the playground which is unheard of. I was really surprised by the reaction of the other mothers.

So AIBU to be shocked at how horrid other mothers can be, or is this just what it's like in SAHM world and I need to toughen up? I am recently back on maternity leave so haven't had to endure playgrounds/playgroups etc for a long while...

OP posts:
tallulahxhunny · 07/04/2011 15:12

ohhh thank god im not you, i would have started murder lol.

MrSpoc · 07/04/2011 15:14

Im shocked. In the cafe you should of got a member of staff to have a word or lamped them one.

If my 2.5 year old son pushed another child over i would of disciplined him there and then. this is not on.

Both stories do not add up. Are you unintentionaly causing the trouble or do you live in a bad area?

Original poster
crazycatlady · 07/04/2011 15:15

I live in SW London MrSpoc.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 07/04/2011 15:17

ha ha explains it.

Thingumy · 07/04/2011 15:17

'or lamped them one'

And you sound like a pillar of society.

juneau · 07/04/2011 15:17

No YANBU. I'd be really shocked to encounter that kind of behaviour too.

scurryfunge · 07/04/2011 15:18

MrSpoc, I thought you'd pissed off long ago.

Why would the OP cause trouble just by asking people to do the right thing?

Original poster
crazycatlady · 07/04/2011 15:18

What do you mean Spoc?

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 07/04/2011 15:18

Thingumy - thanks

MrSpoc · 07/04/2011 15:20

No scurryfunge still here. I was not accusing the op and i am sorry if that is how it has come across. I have just not come across these re-actions before especialy if you have asked nicley for someone to move for you.

LBsBongers · 07/04/2011 15:20

I am hoping mrspoc is having a joke.

yes some people are horrible and inconsiderate and this is probably exacerbated by the fact you are learning how to manage a toddler and newborn when out and about.

Hope you week gets better, tomorrow is another day ( as my mum says )

MrSpoc · 07/04/2011 15:26

sorry crazycatlady - just a north and south joke about all Londoners out out for themselves etc (yes i know its not true)

YouaretooniceNOT · 07/04/2011 15:27

YADNBU!!

Petty, ill mannered vile trouts.

Have a Brew and read some funny threads here xxx

HandMini · 07/04/2011 15:30

No, you're being reasonable and you've had two (hopefully isolated) incidents of pure unpleasantness. Hope that's an end to it for you and you don't continue to get the "most other mothers are cows" vibe.

worraliberty · 07/04/2011 15:31

I'm more shocked at the fact you walked out of the cafe and went elsewhere to be honest Shock

Also, I don't know what it has to do with 'SAHM world'....it's not like working Mums don't take their kids out?

schmee · 07/04/2011 15:32

crazycatlady - I just knew you were in SW London when I saw your post, as I experienced a lot of this when I lived there. High density living when almost everyone seems to have a kid means that you rub up against some pretty unpleasant parenting and parents a lot of the time.

On the plus side as well as the idiots there are a lot of nice people out there, and you will find that you do meet them. I found the One O'Clock Clubs good (if you have them in your particular bit of SW London) as they are designed to be a safe environment and the SureStart people may intervene if children are being out of control.

Also, being in a high density area means that you have lots of amenities, even if you do have to constantly negotiate in order to use them.

COCKadoodledooo · 07/04/2011 15:33

YANBU, but not all SAHMs are like that!

And sorry, but I wouldn't have left the cafe, I'm quite shy and unassuming generally, but I wouldn't let myself be pushed around like that.

Mother number 2 was a bitch and a half, her and her sycophants.

marmaladetwatkins · 07/04/2011 15:37

I wouldn't leave a cafe just because some entitled twunts think that they have a monopoly on space simply for being parents. I would have told them "if you don't shift your wheels, I will, thanks" then given them the frosty glare smile face.

Some women are just bastards to other women. No need, no need.

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 07/04/2011 15:42

to 1) i would have said 'yes and thats what i would like to be doing too if i could just gert to that table there'....and smiled sweetly followed by 'well either you move your buggy or i will'...and smiled sweetly again.

to 2) i've been in that exact situation with a dad.....my reply was 'it is what they do but unless you teach him how to treat other people, he isn't going to learn what's acceptable and what isn't'. his reply was that my ds should toughen up Hmm. my response was that his child would grow up to be a bully unless he actually takes some time to teach him how to function in society and that crying when you're pushed over and you hit your head is a normal physiological response. anyway we went back and forth and it turned in to an awful row actually. He just didn't think there was anything wrong with what his son was doing or how he as a father did (or didn't rather) respond to it... infuriating.

Original poster
crazycatlady · 07/04/2011 15:42

I think I was so bewildered by their uncooperation it seemed easier just to go a few doors up to the next place... I'm normally in the company of other mum friends, this was one of my first solo outings with both children, so I was embarrassed I think to be causing trouble trying to get to a table and shocked that it seemed to be such an inconvenience to them!

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 07/04/2011 15:42

Wankers.

Original poster
crazycatlady · 07/04/2011 16:12

Grin Toby. Glad IANBU...

OP posts:
FlamingJamie · 07/04/2011 16:21

YANBU - And as for case 2 I'd say - "yes, that is what 2 year olds do, but people who are not psychopaths show some concern for a child who has been hurt"

FlamingJamie · 07/04/2011 16:22

RememberToPlay - I think that man may have been a psychopath, by my definition above

hecate · 07/04/2011 16:23

mothers are people too.

Some are nice, some are not.

I think expecting someone to be a nice person simply because they happen to be a mother is where you are going wrong.

You need to be assertive in situations like the ones you describe. Or people will walk all over you.

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