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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some other mothers can be complete cows?

106 replies

crazycatlady · 07/04/2011 15:09

Two isolated incidents this week have made me wonder why women are so damn MEAN.

  1. I took toddler DD and 4wk old DS to a local cafe earlier this week - to get a smoothie as a reward for DD for being good at the bank and so I could sit and feed DS. The place was quite busy with babies and buggies. I couldn't get through to the only free table. Two mums were completely blocking the way with their buggies. They could see me struggling. I asked if I could get by and got a disgruntled 'oh, can't you manage?'. They stayed in their seats. I asked again if they could move their buggies and got a shouty 'no, can't you see we're BREASTFEEDING'. So I started to move one of their buggies so i could get by and got a 'don't move that, it's got things in it I need'. In the end I went somewhere else...

  2. At the playground today another toddler pushed my DD over so hard she went flying and landed on her face. He was pushing her away from the swing she was getting into. His mother saw the whole thing but didn't pull her son up on his behaviour. Instead she laughed while my DD was getting hysterical. I asked her if she was going to ask her son to apologise and she said 'why? that's what 2yr olds do'. When I replied, 'yes but it's not really acceptable to let them get away with it', two or three other mothers joined in and told me I was being ridiculous. DD was so upset she asked to go in the buggy and go home from the playground which is unheard of. I was really surprised by the reaction of the other mothers.

So AIBU to be shocked at how horrid other mothers can be, or is this just what it's like in SAHM world and I need to toughen up? I am recently back on maternity leave so haven't had to endure playgrounds/playgroups etc for a long while...

OP posts:
janetsplanet · 07/04/2011 20:32

my niece (3yrold) is that kind of playground bully. she pushes kids over, hits them, pulls hair etc. my sister makes her say sorry but then moans about the mums having the effing noses in the air etc. my niece bites my kids and tried to push my 7yr SN DD down the stairs. my 11yr old witnessed this but still my sister says they are lying as my niece 'isnt like that'
all 3 of my kid have been bit by her and the skin has been broken. its got to the point now i dont let my kids go there or let her come here.
my sister says she doesnt know when to believe my youngest as shes 'effin nuts' (going through ASD assessment)

bibbitybobbityhat · 07/04/2011 20:37

Oh really Honey? Sorry to hear that. The SE22 mums were all shoddy as anything and happy to muck in together 10 years ago. The demographic of an area can change just about overnight in London, ime.

Bearcrumble · 07/04/2011 20:44

East Dulwich has changed out of all recognition - I was born and brought up there and I remember the first gastropub (we all eyed it with suspicion and said it wouldn't last 10 mins) then the first 'lovely things' shop - then it just snowballed.

Hassled · 07/04/2011 20:47

All this talk of East Dulwich is making me nostalgic - I lived on Barry Road for a while. I used to love it - but gastropubs hadn't been invented back then.

Original poster
crazycatlady · 07/04/2011 20:49

Oh no... Streatham has just got its first gastropub, and a very twee (but quite lovely) little cake shop which is Cath Kidstoned to the hilt. There is also now a Caffe Nero...

Is SW16 going the way of ED? Even ED didn't let in the Nero did it? Ah well, at least I might be able to sell my house for a big fat sum and move to the country Wink

OP posts:
MiniMousse · 07/04/2011 20:50

God there are some women out there with their heads up their own arses - who behave as if they are the only people to have ever given birth or breastfed etc. I sympathise - and if there's one thing you can take from it to make you feel better, just think: in about 10 years or so these women are going to reap what they sow. Selfish parents breed selfish, brattish little sods who, come adolescence are going to turn it alllllll back on their parents... ha ha ha!

TuttoRhino · 07/04/2011 21:02

Sorry you had an awful day crazycatlady. I'm near your neighbourhood - SW2 - and have seen some rude behaviour before while out and about. Nothing like that sense of entitlement. Still I've not been here that long so I could have it all ahead of me.

AKMD · 07/04/2011 21:21

YANBU but there are lots of lovely mums out there too :)

It's fairly clear that if someone is a complete cow before they are a mum, they are going to carry on afterwards too. Funny how they all seem to think they are the bee'S knees though!

A few weeks ago I was pushing DS on the swings next to two awful women who was going on and on and on about how 'hilarious' it was that some poor womad had been shouting for help in labour from 1cm dilation. I had to say something in the end, I just couldn't believe that two women who had clearly given birth in one way or another could be so nasty about another woman in labour.

AKMD · 07/04/2011 21:21

Sorry for typos Blush

Deanna1977 · 07/04/2011 21:33

Sorry to hear that you have had a bad day - they sound like right cows. I live in SW16 too (have toddler & baby too!) & haven't come across any rude Mums yet....but give it time. Mad old biddies with an axe to grind against buggies (x 2 this week)Wink

Where is this Cake shop? I need cake.....

Bearcrumble · 07/04/2011 21:40

Yes there is a cafe Nero in Lordship Lane.

Bringonthegoat · 07/04/2011 21:46

YANBU - lots of selfish people out there sadly.

An old friend of mine NEVER addressed the bad behaviour of her DC when they were under 3 as 'they don't understand', then she only addressed the bad stuff as 'you need to pick your battles'. Now (aged 7) only the really bad stuff as 'they dont mean it that way'. They are nasty, spiteful, aggressive children with a selfish streak a mile wide. I can't help thinking that the two things are related. Discipline seems frowned upon now but I think DC need boundaries and an example to follow. Laughing at someone else's hurt is hardly a great role model. Neither is ganging up on someone.

hester · 07/04/2011 21:59

Hassled - I used to live on Barry Road, too Grin
Up at the Lordship Lane end...

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 07/04/2011 22:02

its a sad lesson ive learnt too op, most mothers especially when flanked by mummy friends, are in fact, total bitches. motherhood is the most lonely thing ive ever encountered, and if it wasnt for places like mumsnet id believe upon delivering a baby you push out your common decency.

YANBU, i hope eventually some nice mums appear in rl not just mumsnet

pigletmania · 07/04/2011 22:08

YANBU at all, I would have not stood for that in the cafe, I would have said to them that they were obstructing the seats and that you would call the cafe person over. How rude of them! As for the park incident, even though the childs 2 they still need to learn whats right and whats wrong or they will do the same when they are older.

pigletmania · 07/04/2011 22:11

My dd 4 has suspected ASD (awaiting dx), i would never make excuses for bad behaviour, unfortunately its other peoples kids i have to watch out for. She is so placid and when a kid hits her wont stick up for herself and takes it, or when a toy is snatched does not know what to do and just accepts it.

Ohforfoxsake · 07/04/2011 22:16

Aww, this thread is bringing back memories; I lived on Lordship Lane, crystal palace road, and upland and hadDC1 in Kings 10 years ago. Moved over to SW18.

Nothing whatsoever to do with horrid mothers, just happy memories.

As you were .... Grin

cerealqueen · 07/04/2011 22:24

Some people, not necessarily mothers are just rude but when they hang about in packs I feel threatened! I hate it when parents don't watch their kids as they create havoc in the park / playgroup as then I have to pull back their child from pushing in / pushing over and teach them some manners. Yes, kids will do that because they don't know any better until they learn how to behave... and that is what parents are for.

janetsplanet · 07/04/2011 22:28

piglet, thats like my youngest. she wont dare hit or snatch back

Honeybee79 · 07/04/2011 22:30

East Dulwich has changed beyond recognition and Peckham Rye is now known as "Bellenden Village". Insane! Very, very, very expensive too. We can't afford to move out of our flat given that a 4 bed house costs about £550k.

PeachesandStrawberry · 07/04/2011 22:39

That's terrible.

I can't believe some people can be such bitches!

Squitten · 07/04/2011 22:43

Come to Crystal Palace! We're very common but much nicer :)

pigletmania · 07/04/2011 22:45

I know its Sad isent it janet, she is only 4 so i hope that as time goes by and she gets a statement and help at school, her confidence will come. Because she has speech and lang delay does not have the grasp of lang to tell them to go away.

animula · 07/04/2011 22:45

Ooh. Are the Nappy Valley mothers moving into SW16? That'll be good for house prices (thinking of silver linings).

I think what you encountered were a few of The Entitled. They were like this BC (Before Children) and they are like this now that they have children.

It is a little known fact, but I am going to share it with you, that when Moses was faced with the Red Sea, he sat down, called up a few of the party, and they drew up, and then made, a Time Travelling Device.

Someone climbed in, went forward in time, and picked up an Entitled Mother of a PFB, probably from Northcote Road, and transported her back to the banks of the Red Sea.

She stood there, with Moses and Co waiting pensively behind her, and gave it That Look - the one that says "How Very Dare You Not Realise How Very Special I (and my Offspring, carrier of my genes, and those of my Hedgfund Hubby) am. Get Out Of My Way."

And it parted. Of course. Apologising at the same time, no doubt.

There was much jubilation as the crossing was made, and the Entitle One was returned before too many ripples in the Space-Time Continuum were made.

Fact.

Ohforfoxsake · 07/04/2011 22:49

Most mothers aren't bitches. Some people aren't very considerate, but mother bashing by mothers? C'mon.

Who gives up their seat, or holds doors open, or helps you with your buggy down steps? Most likely another mother IME.

I do agree that motherhood can be a lonely place, but let's not generalise that we're all actually a load of nasty old bitches. I think it's insulting.

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