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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some other mothers can be complete cows?

106 replies

crazycatlady · 07/04/2011 15:09

Two isolated incidents this week have made me wonder why women are so damn MEAN.

  1. I took toddler DD and 4wk old DS to a local cafe earlier this week - to get a smoothie as a reward for DD for being good at the bank and so I could sit and feed DS. The place was quite busy with babies and buggies. I couldn't get through to the only free table. Two mums were completely blocking the way with their buggies. They could see me struggling. I asked if I could get by and got a disgruntled 'oh, can't you manage?'. They stayed in their seats. I asked again if they could move their buggies and got a shouty 'no, can't you see we're BREASTFEEDING'. So I started to move one of their buggies so i could get by and got a 'don't move that, it's got things in it I need'. In the end I went somewhere else...

  2. At the playground today another toddler pushed my DD over so hard she went flying and landed on her face. He was pushing her away from the swing she was getting into. His mother saw the whole thing but didn't pull her son up on his behaviour. Instead she laughed while my DD was getting hysterical. I asked her if she was going to ask her son to apologise and she said 'why? that's what 2yr olds do'. When I replied, 'yes but it's not really acceptable to let them get away with it', two or three other mothers joined in and told me I was being ridiculous. DD was so upset she asked to go in the buggy and go home from the playground which is unheard of. I was really surprised by the reaction of the other mothers.

So AIBU to be shocked at how horrid other mothers can be, or is this just what it's like in SAHM world and I need to toughen up? I am recently back on maternity leave so haven't had to endure playgrounds/playgroups etc for a long while...

OP posts:
Ohforfoxsake · 07/04/2011 22:52

Brilliant Animula. Love The Entitles.

Bellenden Village? For Peckham Rye?

bigTillyMint · 08/04/2011 06:20

Bibbity! who are you calling shoddy?

I have never been shoddy!Grin

Bellenden Village isn't Peckham RYE, it's the bit behind STJ+SC school, down Bellenden Road. Peckham Rye is still Peckham Rye, with a very nice gastro-cafe in the park, of course. Fulll of over-indulged toddlers and their yummy-BF(of course)-mummiesWink

hester · 08/04/2011 07:37

Ah, Crystal Palace! [misty-eyed memories emoticon]. I grew up in a flat over the barbers' shop... I have now moved West and gone posh: the mothers aren't as rough, but they're waaaay more entitled.

Love Bellenden Village. Seem to remember some enterprising local estate agents tried to rebrand Upper Norwood as 'Lower Dulwich' in the 80s.

Rev084 · 08/04/2011 07:45

I sympathise entirely, sometimes you wonder what goes on in these mothers heads. I've just moved from Manchester to Chelmsford, after only 3 weeks of living here, I'm pretty sure there must be a north/south divide in parenting standards. The kids here seem a bit brattish and the mothers somewhat laissez faire towards discipline.

BaggedandTagged · 08/04/2011 07:48

Blimey- St Reatham must be coming up. Only 7 yrs ago my Dh had a gun pointed at him at the traffic lights because he beeped someone who cut him up- we moved to Bl-arm shortly after Grin

Anyway OP, hopefully karma will come and bite these women on their asses before long. You can but hope- perhaps they'll accidentally push their Bugaboo over one of those spiked "no reversing" barriers.

georgie22 · 08/04/2011 08:02

YADNBU - those lovely characters you've met this week sound like they are only interested in their needs and those of their offspring. The women in the playground sound vile. I'm already teaching my 6 month old not to pull our poor cat's fur so she would certainly be disciplined for pushing another child over. It's unfortunate to meet mothers like that - I've obviously been lucky that mothers I've met in cafes, shops etc. are quick to make room for you etc. After all we've all got the difficulties of being a parent in common. Hope next week is better!

janetsplanet · 08/04/2011 08:11

yep piglet, my girl has the speech problem and has never snatched back or hit a child at a toddler group, but my god she can get her 12yr old sister on the floor if she chooses

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 08/04/2011 08:20

Can I ask what a gastropub/cafe is?

OP the behaviour of those mothers is terrible I would have done the same as you though and gone eleewhere (but I do anything to avoid confrontation)

DS is now 2 and I'm pg with DC2 haven't come across anything that nasty yet, but am in Scotland perhaps we behave better when more space who knows?!

Honeybee79 · 08/04/2011 09:40

Bellenden Village is Peckham. It's just estate agents talking shite. Peckham Rye is still OK (in comparison to East Dulwich) but East Dul is now spreading into Peckham Rye. We are thinking of moving to either Nunhead or Crystal Palace because (a) it's cheaper and (b) it's easier to avoid smug twats.

I used to like Green and Blue in East Dul but now it's a bit of a nightmare . . . Go there for a quiet glass of wine (it is primarily a wine bar FFS) and get bombarded with toddlers running round the place shrieking . . .

Original poster
crazycatlady · 08/04/2011 10:42

Deanna it's on Leigham Court Rd, sort of opposite Kennedy's but a few doors up - called Earl Grey and Rose. Very very good cakes and assorted other delicious things.

Edwardo - the best way I can describe a gastropub is to link to this - Streatham's latest 'gastropub'

animula Grin

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 08/04/2011 10:51

So true about Green & Blue.

bigTillyMint · 08/04/2011 11:00

Yes, bibbity and honeybee, and all the other cafes on LLSad

My fave cafe is now elsewhere, but I can't say where, or it will be over-run too!

WhatsWrongWithYou · 08/04/2011 11:07

All these Nappy Valley comments are making me Grin (sorry OP). We lived off that very Northcote Road until leaving London about 8 years ago.

I sometimes hanker to go back, as I miss friends and having easy access to great shops (and, ironically, being able to walk everywhere - and the DCs could now get about without me being a taxi if we weren't in the country).

But this has brought back all the reasons I felt I couldn't stay - the hard-faced response to reasonable requests, the cold-shouldering if you didn't go to the 'right' school, the assumption that if you didn't go to said school you must be living in one of the ex council flats.

Maybe if I'd had MN at the time I might have learned coping strategies and felt able to stay. Try and bear in mind this is only a stage OP - it seems to last forever at the time, but I'm sure that area is great when your DCs are older.

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/04/2011 11:16

You can whisper it to me btm Grin.

Honeybee79 · 08/04/2011 11:22

Green & Blue does still stock fabby wines though, I just don't linger. . . While there was a time when it was a lovely place to hang out. Lucas on LL is also nice (great cake and fresh bread) but has the same problem. I'm sourcing other places to hang out.

We live in an ex council flat. Can't afford anything else right now and do feel a bit inferior to all my new friends who have gorgeous 5 bed houses with gardens and rich husbands

. Trying to be grateful for what I have! Wink

gkys · 08/04/2011 11:25

YANBU thet were in both cases, wtf wouldn't someone move in order to let you past, bitch, "i'm breastfeeding" i can vacum and feed if i have to Smile so moving a buggy shouldn't have been a problem! two yr olds do tend to be a bit rough but thats why they need to be told so they can learn to be kind and caring ( not a chance in her childs case i suspect) hope shes ok,xxxx

Honeybee79 · 08/04/2011 11:26

BTM - give us a clue about your favourite cafe! We won't let it become a honey-pot, honestly!

bigTillyMint · 08/04/2011 11:53

Je ne pourrais pas dire!

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/04/2011 12:12

Aha! on the ever glamorous FHR.

bigTillyMint · 08/04/2011 12:14

Oui!

Mumcah · 08/04/2011 12:16

Yanbu

microserf · 08/04/2011 20:39

I also live in SW london, and I'm not surprised you had this experience. I'd like to completely second Whatswrongwithyou's post - can be a bloody nightmare. Most mums are nice, but there are some stuck up cows difficult people who would react exactly as you would describe.

On my first trip out alone with toddler after difficult pregnancy (for us, kind of a big deal), we went to a local playground at 2pm on a saturday. Did not realise it apparently belongs to a local mums' group at this time. They blocked off the slide with buggies and shot daggers at me every time we tried to use it as if i was going to make a run for it with an orla kiely nappy bag. One of their children had been aggressive towards my much younger dd throughout our visit and finally basically attacked my toddler and wasn't disciplined. It was made clear through eyerolling and pronounced sighs that we "weren't welcome" and eventually we left, with a confused and upset dd not understanding why she couldn't have a turn on the swings or the slide. FFS, i just want my kid to be able to use the slide or the swings every now and then when it's her turn.

If I sound bitter, it's because I am. I've been back to the same playground in the morning when the dads take the kids and had a much better time.

animula · 08/04/2011 20:48

Mind you, there's the other side of the coin ...

I was in a playground in ... another part of London (ie. not Nappy Valley), and was doing the whole queue for the slide thing. A group of mothers arrived, with offspring: all were a little hatchet-faced.

My friend overheard one of them muttering something about feeling like "just bottling someone" - we moved away discreetly.

Two minutes later, she had gone over to another mother, sitting on a bench - innocuous mum type - and started kicking her, in the face (and she had some serious, stiletto boots on).

They scarpered, and the police were called.

Mothers - they're all types of people.

Fourleaf · 08/04/2011 20:55

Wow, that all sounds horrible. I live in a village (not a London village :)) and I have to say that the vast majority of other Mums are really lovely, helpful, down to earth. At the toddler group we all keep an eye on each others kids and hitting/pushing etc is always taken seriously. DS usually gets an apology from any kid who hurts/upsets him. So sorry to hear you've had bad experiences. :( I really feel like Mums should stick together.

Tanith · 08/04/2011 21:46

I'm going to tell you about my positive experience, then, just to reassure you that there are lovely, thoughtful mummies out there.

I rather stupidly took my DD plus family to Wisley garden centre when she was just under a week old and I ought to have been in bed, being waited on hand and foot by all my doting relatives (yeah, right!!).

I waited while DH and DS were doing something or other elsewhere in the Gardens with MIL. The sun was pretty hot and I suddenly knew that, if I stood much longer, I was going to collapse. The only bench in sight had mummies and buggies surrounding it. "Oh God," I thought, "I can't handle an argument about moving buggies now!"

However, I grasped nerve and courage and asked the nearest if she could move her buggy so I could sit down. She looked at me, looked in the pram at DD, told me I looked awful and they all moved buggies, fussed over me, ran and got a glass of water for me, stayed until DH turned up and then told him off royally for daring to leaving me "in that state. She's just given birth to your baby!".

So, nice mummies do exist. I'm so sorry you had to experience the worst today.

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