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AIBU?

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Original poster

children can make their own mind up about religion when they grow up...

814 replies

AliGrylls · 07/04/2011 12:05

Okay I have just read this on another thread but this is a statement I hear quite a lot and want to ask the question.

If all you teach your child is atheism how will they make their mind up about religion when they grow up because they have no religion other than atheism?

They will know nothing other than what you have taught them so they have nothing to make their mind up about - they will be atheist, by default. If people genuinely want their children to make their own mind up they have to provide them with a reasonable alternative (ie, Judaism / Christianity / Islam).

I don't actually know any adults who have been brought up atheist who have thought all of a sudden "I believe in God, I am going to go to Church".

OP posts:
onagar · 07/04/2011 21:44

I expect it's much easier to go from one religion to another than it is to go from religion to none at all. It's just a case of swapping the name of god for the new one.

A couple of minor rule changes probably, but lets face it if you live in the UK you probably aren't all that strict about those anyway. Religious people on here are always saying that the actual rules you follow are up to your own conscience.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:44

I decided to google it and 100,000 Britons came up -the average being a white woman of 27yrs. It is here It is from the Daily Mail-not a paper I like, but even if you discount some there must be an element of truth.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:46

Also in Times here but only 30,00- to 50,000.

ivykaty44 · 07/04/2011 21:48

oh only you said there where lots.

Sorry but I don't think we should influence our dc and we should let them make up their own minds without letting them know what we think, then it is making their own minds and not being led into something. Some children will try to please and others will feel they can stand alone - therefore to make sure we are fair we as parents should keep out own thoughts to oursevles and give our dc the lesson of reading and freedom to explore without coaxing or prejudice of flavour.

So let them go to churches and other places of worship let them try things even if if it against what we think ourselves - why not if we want to give them choice?

then we will know as adults they have made their own choice and not followed ours or just gone against us

HopeForTheBest · 07/04/2011 21:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

iPhoneDrone · 07/04/2011 21:52

"People who deny their children their natural spirituality are not doing them any favours. And I'm not talking about fundamentalism, cults, strange religious beliefs here, just mainstream religion"

Strange religious beliefs mean one thing to one person and quite another to someone else. I think all religious beliefs are 'strange'.

My DC are not devoid of spirituality, we show them the beauty of the planet and most of all we teach them to believe in people. The good that people do without any hope of some prize at the end . There is some unbelievable spirituality in that.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 21:57

it is not just a set of private beliefs but also a huge influence on every aspect of your life including how you bring up your children.

Faith is not a lifestyle choice

Of course it is for you and your DCs may follow but there is nothing to say that they will . You made your choice and they will make their own. It isn't in your gift to decide what your DCs will believe.

ilovemyhens · 07/04/2011 21:59

I'm not hoping for some prize at the end Hmm In fact, I'm not bothered at all if I die and that's it, nothingness.

onagar · 07/04/2011 22:01

ilovemyhens, don't you believe in your religion then? I mean they must have mentioned the afterlife/heaven thing once or twice.

UnquietDad · 07/04/2011 22:03

The "they should be able to decide for themselves" brigade very rarely, in my experience, expose their children equally to all the various myth systems available. It's usually the one they like best and practice themselves. What a coincidence.

UnquietDad · 07/04/2011 22:04

practISE grrrr....

reallytired · 07/04/2011 22:04

Plenty of people from atheist families believe in God when they are adults. Just as many people who are brought up in a strict religious tradition rebel.

My poor FIL wonders what he has done wrong. He is a passionate athetist, yet both his children attend church regularly as adults.

IMHO its quite common for children to rebel against their parents if their parents push their views too hard. Heavy indocrimation often back fires.

HopeForTheBest · 07/04/2011 22:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

ilovemyhens · 07/04/2011 22:12

Yes, I do believe in it, but not in the afterlife as the way people normally think of it.

AMumInScotland · 07/04/2011 22:12

Ivykaty "we should let them make up their own minds without letting them know what we think" - but how can anyone actually do that? By going to church, or by never going to church, we are showing them what we think. Even if we say "Of course lots of lovely people believe differently from me, and I'm totally happy with you looking into other options" at every possible opportunity, your children can still see what you actually choose to do/not do and that will have an influence on them. It can never be a completely neutral choice.

UnquietDad · 07/04/2011 22:12

I suppose it depends on what you consider to be "indoctrination". It's not generally considered indoctrination to assert with some confidence, for example, that dragons and fairies are mythical, that the Moon is not made of green cheese, that the Earth is round(ish) and that the Sun, far from being a giant demon-god, is in fact a VASST (word (C) Prof Brian Cox) ball of burning gases.

For me, it's no more indoctrination to say the God of Christianity is mythical than it is to say the Gods of the Greek pantheon are mythical. The latter fact is quite happily accepted by most people and indeed taught as fact in schools.

My approach is to try to try to get my children to ask themselves, whenever they are told a positive claim is "true", (a) who's telling you (b) what their agenda is for doing so and (c) what the evidence is for their claim.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 22:14

You do not have to expose them to anything UnquietDad-you can take them to one church only, or never take them to any place of worship-you can tell them quite plainly what you think BUT they are not you and they will make up their own mind when they are ready-it might fit with you but it might not.

The thing that I utterly fail to understand is why it matters? Do you bring a DC into the world deciding what they will think, do as a career, interests they will have etc etc? I don't-I wait to see what I have and respond to that DC.

I find it extraordinary that people don't follow their own parents blindly and yet for some reason they think their own views are such that their DC must follow them. It is sheer accident of birth-if they had been born into a Jewish household instead do they have no choice? Do Jehovah Witnesses produce Jehovah witnesses? It is very much a lottery if they do and I'm very pleased I didn't get given the Plymouth Brethren!

It is rubbish-our DCs make up their own mind and parents think they are way too important if they think they can tell them. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 22:16

Heavy indocrimation often back fires.

Very true-you see it over and over again.

reallytired · 07/04/2011 22:17

Lots people get interested in religion at university. In the past it was affordable to leave home (with student grants) and meeting a varied group of people was part of the experience of uni life. Conversely many students from a strict religous background discover sex, drugs and rock and roll.

It is sad that uni fees mean that more students are forced to live at home.

UnquietDad · 07/04/2011 22:17

exotic - my point is that people (like the OP) cite atheism as somehow removing the ability for your children to "make up their own minds". It doesn't seem to strike those who follow one religion to the exclusion of all others that this is exactly what they are doing.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 07/04/2011 22:23

Well, I'm an atheist and DH is an atheist. If DS grew up to be religious we would be devastated. I want to bring him up to act and judge based on evidence and to abhor weird death cults with a long history of violence and oppression of women, minorities and homosexuals.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 22:23

People can do whatever they like UnquietDad, but they are fooling themselves if they think that their DC will follow. As an adult the DC will follow if they want to. I find it best to get DC to question everything-including Mum, keep communications open and not have expectations of what they will think. Variety is the spice of life-I can't see why you can't have it within a family. And I can't see why people are bothered if their DC thinks differently.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2011 22:24

I shouldn't be too forceful then Tondelayo-or you will send him off to church! Just lead, quietly by example.

ivykaty44 · 07/04/2011 22:27

by going to church or by never going to church, mix it up a bit if you tried hard you can keep them guessing Wink

enrol them in the local church youth club, give them books to read on the god delusion

keep them guessing

UnquietDad · 07/04/2011 22:30

I'm quite happy to tell my children that myths are myths, whether we be talking about dragons, fairies, demons, faked Moon landings, mind-reading or god. I will have done my job if I get them to weigh the evidence before deciding to believe in anything.

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