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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

1004 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 06/04/2011 12:50

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

OP posts:
Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 19:59

It is depressing. Very. Slagging off those who dont agree with perfectly able people using disabled toilets. The majority of people putting their convenience above that of those less able/fortunate. A very depressing read indeed.

Serenitysutton · 06/04/2011 20:00

This is completely bizarre- disabled toilets are not for the private use of a disabled person- they are accessable toilets.
They are designed so people in whelkchairs can get into them and use them. A deaf person, for example, does not have any more right to use them than any non wheelchair user simply because they are legally disabled. Her shouting bitch at you was no different to a 15 yo hoodie doing so and you should deal with it in the same way (informing staff you have been abused in their store) I'm amazed anyone defends this!

MmeLindt · 06/04/2011 20:00

Oh, good point MissScarlett.

RitaMorgan · 06/04/2011 20:01

MsScarlett - please tell me how I should take two 8 month olds to the toilet with me, so I will know for next time.

MmeLindt · 06/04/2011 20:02

Serenity
No one is defending the name calling, we are all in agreement that the woman was being unreasonable in calling the OP a bitch.

It is the using of disabled loos that is controversial

peanutdream · 06/04/2011 20:02

you and 4 kids under 5 - how on earth would you manage that in the normal toilets??
yadefnbu

altinkum · 06/04/2011 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unfitmother · 06/04/2011 20:03

OP YWBU and so was nasty lady.

missmyoldname · 06/04/2011 20:03

'RitaMorgan - same happened to me. Double buggy wouldn't fit into the toilets. DS1 is 2 but can't stand or sit safely. I'm still waiting for someone to tell me how I'd have managed a large 2 yo and a 7 month old into the toilets by myself?'

  • Buy a more compact double buggy and leave it parked outside the cubicle door, possibly with door slightly ajar.
  • Find different toilets which are more spacious (if you were, for example, in a town centre, there should be more than one option).
  • Leave pushchair outside (with shop assistant) take kids in with you. 2yo stands in corner of cubicle and you sing them a song or make a game of it to keep them entertained, and sit 7mo on your lap whilst you wee!

I agree its difficult, and its a pain to have to deal with it, but its not insurmountable.

However having to deal with a leaking colostomy bag is pretty impossible (and incredibly embarrassing) if you haven't got quick and easy access to the correct facilities.

pigletmania · 06/04/2011 20:03

Exactly, if there arent any normal loos available and your are desparate, and the disabled one is free it should be available to use, better than standing in a pool or your wee or poo, I would have no qualms about it. I do suffer from occasional IBS when under a lot of stress and when i need to go i need to go end of, and if here are not available cublicles i will happily go into the disabled.

MadameL i would hate to cotton wool my child, and yes at that age i would let them walk to their friends house locally, its just that i would absoulutely refuse to leave my baby outside a cubicle in a pram, it only takes a second.

marmaladetwatkins · 06/04/2011 20:04

You could always piss in the sink, Rita. That way you get to relieve your bladder, keep an eye on DCs AND not clog up the disabled loo for 30 seconds.

Think outside the box, people...

boysinthehood · 06/04/2011 20:04

Every disabled person I have ever met would use incontinence pads if they have problems to prevent being humiliated in public. People who are only wheelchair users, usually are as able as any of us to hold their urine in while they wait for an available toilet. That negates your argument scarlett

marmaladetwatkins · 06/04/2011 20:06

"MadameL i would hate to cotton wool my child, and yes at that age i would let them walk to their friends house locally, its just that i would absoulutely refuse to leave my baby outside a cubicle in a pram, it only takes a second."

I think that MmeLindt has done a risk assessment on this type of thing and the risk of your child being kidnapped is something like 0.000009%. You might want to think about this.

ScarlettWalking · 06/04/2011 20:06

YANBU

She shouted bitch at you! FGS what a fool.

1980Sport · 06/04/2011 20:07

Oh but Rita if you can't manage to take a piss (gemsy's words) with the children you've got you shouldn't go out Hmm

squeakytoy · 06/04/2011 20:07

A disabled toilet means a toilet that is equipped and suitable for disabled people to use, it does not mean that nobody apart from disabled people can use it.

It means anyone can use it, but it is suitable for a disabled person too, which standard toilets are not.

When I worked in a pub, there would be days and days go by when nobody used the disabled toilet at all. Plenty of parents used it, and we had no problem with that.

Regarding this comment:

DHs using disabled toilets to save taking DDs into Gents - get a grip. Up to about 6 or 7yo take DD into Gents, afterwards, send her into ladies. Unless there is something going on in Gents that I don't know about, why should this be an issue?

Mens "toilets" are urinals, with men standing up to pee, its not a nice sight for a small girl to see, and most men would also be very uncomfortable if a small girl were to be taken in there while they were having a pee. The cubicle in a gents is often filthy and as it is only really used for people having a poo, it is not normally particularly clean either.

MmeLindt · 06/04/2011 20:08

marmalade
Fuck off and stop being a twat.

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 20:09

I said if you cant take a piss without needing to use disabled facilities actually- lets get it right.

marmaladetwatkins · 06/04/2011 20:09

This is totally relevant too...

About three months ago in town, there is a queue to get into the ladies. An old lady joins the queue and is obviously desperate. I let her go in front of me. She starts willing people in the loos to hurry up and the disabled lady waiting for the disabled loo to become free tells the elderly lady to go in to the disabled loo. The elderly lady says she'll wait. The disabled lady tells her that just because she's on a mobility scooter doesn't mean she's going to piss herself.

There is no moral to this story. It just made me stifle a chuckle when it happened.

itsalarf · 06/04/2011 20:10

I did not say a toddler wetting themselves was comparable, but it can be a nuisance and common sense would say to avoid it as a one off. One of my DC wet themselves in a store once, and you should have seen the hooha, as they wheeled out buckets, put up signs, scrubbed the carpet. I'm sure I was very popular!

marmaladetwatkins · 06/04/2011 20:10

MmeLindt, stop embarrassing yourself.

higgle · 06/04/2011 20:12

At Paddington station one day a few years ago security guards chased a shooplifter into the ladies toilets and were looking over the cubicle doors trying to find her. I found this very unacceptable and complained - as I was quite upset having a man stick his head over the top when I was using the toilet. I was told that if I objected to this I should use the disabled toilet off the waiting room, which I have done ever since. Sometimes there has been someone waiting to go in, but just because they are in a wheelchair or using crutches doesn't mean they are incontinent.

1980Sport · 06/04/2011 20:13

Missmyoldname - 2 year old can't stand, he has SN he also can't sit safely. We have the only buggy available that can accommodate him and his baby brother. He would get extremely upset if left with a stranger because he doesn't understand why I have gone. Why should I have to go elsewhere when there is a perfectly good toilet for me to use - it'll take me two minutes to go! Why should we be disadvantaged because it is my child with the SN not me?

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 20:13

Take spare nappies with you. If your child gets desperate, pot the nappy in their pants, Job done and no disabled facilities used!

marmaladetwatkins · 06/04/2011 20:13

That didn't happen, higgle.

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