to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

The OP didn't have a buggy, nor was she changing a nappy.

She could have taken all the dcs into a cubicle. (it can be done, I can guarantee it)

She could have left them outside the cubicle and told them to stay still and hold hands (she managed for all 5 of them to pee inside a minute so it wouldn't have been for long)

She didn't do these things, not because it was impossible, or even difficult but because "I decided not to wait"

Yes, have tried the constant chit-chat with DS when I am using the loo, doesn't always work though. And my SPD damaged hips mean that bolting up from the pan and then running out the cubicle with knickers round ankles is a difficult job.

Oh and don't try and "snippily" insult my intelligence just because I have different methods of dealing with situations than you.

Well I used a disabled toilet last night (along with a queue of other ladies).

Was bursting to go to the loo and hubs pointed me in the direction of what he thought was the ladies (actually it was a queue of ladies queueing to use the disabled/mother and baby changing loos).

By the time I realised it was the wrong loo...it was too late. I was near the end of the queue and just needed to go...so I did!

Now do I feel guilty? Not at all. There wasn't a ladies in sight and neither were there any disabled people evident. There are far less disabled people needing to use a public loo than able bodied..and if you have to go..you have to go!

That woman's behaviour was TOTALLY out of order...but I wouldn't waste any more time worrying about it.

So I should have taken the babies out of the buggy, folded it, carried two babies plus buggy into the loo, put them all... somewhere and then used the loo.

Even before we discovered dd had SN i would always bring the pram into the public toilet with me, you cant trust anybody, look at poor James Bulger. My child is my first concern, when dd was old enough i would unstrap her from her buggy and stand her in the cubicle with me whilst buggy is outside. Different strokes for different folks imo.

RitaMorgan - same happened to me. Double buggy wouldn't fit into the toilets. DS1 is 2 but can't stand or sit safely. I'm still waiting for someone to tell me how I'd have managed a large 2 yo and a 7 month old into the toilets by myself?

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX 1980SPORT. FGS.

Gosh I always use the disabled loo with DD as she is in a pram and I can't fit the pram into normal loos! Well obviously if I can fit the pram into a normal loo I do, but it never occurred to me anyone would mind. What am I supposed to do? I'm sure as hell not leaving her outside the cubicle!

I would have turned round to the cow and said, "I suffer from ibs, actually, if you must know. Perhaps next time you'd prefer me to shit in my knickers?"

I refuse to live my life in fear because of one or two horrific incidents over the past few years where children have been abducted in crowded places, such as James Bulger. (I cannot actually think of another so maybe it was just one incident).

I know that I am in the minority. I let my 9yo DD walk to her friend's house today (with her friend) - down a small country road, across a main road.

I also resent the implication that I am a bad mother, or do not care for my children for giving them this freedom.

Have to say...the disabled loo was very spacious. Perfect for a mother and pram/shopping/kids...

I am not experienced with a buggy, I have never used one. But if I ever had to I would have no qualms about leaving it on the other side of a door whilst I used a toilet. Or leaving it somewhere else altogether and merely taking the child(ren) into the toilet.

Come on, common sense people. A person with mobile young children, or one child can manage a normal loo, perhaps unless they are about to wet themselves. A person with two very young children, one of whom cannot sit up or stand safely, using an empty disabled loo is not the end of the world. Gemsy is being far more rational now, but earlier she was more rude, and saying things like "so what if your toddler wets themselves, it doesn't matter" (I'm paraphrasing), came across badly. I agree with her largely, but she still got my back up. I suspect people who could have come around to her way of thinking, did not admit it because of her tone.

I do think that disabled loos should also have parent/child signs on them as it is hard to go to the loo when you're with a buggy, been there myself 101 times. Overall disabled toilets are under-used anyway.

Before anybody starts telling me my suggestion IU, please take note that I have a disabled son (9) who is often in a SN buggy and another DS (6) who, although not disabled, has some very complex medical issues with his bladder and cannot hold his urine for more than 10 seconds due to the medication he takes to keep things functioning. I also have spent my most adult life working in advocacy for adults with disabilities and of the 800 or so people I have met, not one has had a problem with others using disabled toilets when need arises or to my proposal re parent/child loos.

Plus, neither of my chilren have a visible difficulty so the lady who called you a bitch OP is definitely BU, how on earth could she know none of your party were disabled.

It's true that not all disabilities are visual....and I am sure those loos are not just for people in wheelchairs.

Altinkum you can dish it out springs to mind..

I'm not implicating that you're a bad mother. I'm saying that it's my call to make with regards to my child. I couldn't give a crap what you decide for your child, tbh.

Rita/1980s
I have already stated that in certain situations it is necessary to use a disabled loo - eg. not being able to even access the normal toilets with a double buggy (which is incredibly rare, I would imagine) or having a child with SN. Or if the mother is physically in anyway impaired and not able to move fast.

I am talking about those with one pram/buggy/child who cannot leave child out of sight for the 90 secs it takes to wee.

Or men who won't take their DDs into Gents with them.

what a depressing thread. use of loo hierachy. ffs.

whats the big deal. surely diabled loos are like the allocated seats on the bus - ok to use if they arn't needed by the intended individuals.

i use the disabled loos if i am alone with dd and there is no parent loo set up. so shoot me.

I would use a disabled loo with a double buggy if I couldn't get it into the regular toilets (as opposed to not getting into the cubicle). Its a tricky but comparatively rare situation.

I don't see how that equates to people without a double buggy, or indeed any buggy, using the disabled loo because they choose not to wait.

Ditto Parmallana, using the disabled loo in error isn't the same as an able-bodied person actually walking out of the regular loos to use the disabled because they choose not to wait.

were not, sorry feeding baby

Well, a toddler wetting themselves doesn't matter much when you think about it in comparison to a disabled adult avoidably doing so.

A toddler doesn't have the same social knowledge, for a start, and will not be as upset or humiliated. They can be wiped up and changed into the spare pants from the bag very easily.

Where is the changing facility and hoist for an adult? Having an accident will likely mean the end of a disabled persons outing, having to go home, upset and humiliated.

Not really comparable.