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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a teacher of all people should have had more sense???

187 replies

Mands0603 · 04/04/2011 10:35

Will try and give you the short version of this:
Basically my DD has been playing out over the past week or so with her friend from up the road - our back garden leads out onto a field so they have been playing making dens etc. She sometime plays at the front of the house but always comes to tell me where she is and I am constantly checking on her. They are both aware of where they are allowed to go.

Anyway yesterday she fell over and scraped her face (just a graze nothing serious) she came home i wiped it clean then said she could do with letting me put some cream on - said no she wanted to go back out to play so would come in and have some on when she came in for tea (she was allowed out until 6pm this was about 5.15ish)all ok off they went on the field.

About 5-10 mins later friends mum came knocking asking if they were at our house explained no they were on the field she says they werent - hence mad frantic search which lasted only about 10 minutes but felt like hours.

Basically a woman saw then on the field my DD must have been saying her graze hurt so this woman took them to her house which was past ours and over the road and took them both inside and then put some cream on my DD.

The woman i later found out is a teacher and said that if we report her we could get her into a lot of trouble.
I must admit that i had a very stern conversation with my DD (as did her friends mum) but I was more shocked that this teacher did took them to her house.

I thought about it and if i was in that position i would either take the child back to her home and explain that they were hurt or go home alone and get the cream and take it back to the child.

What made it worse was that once she had put the cream on she let them out of her house alone to cross over the road by themselves - we were searching for them so found them before they attempted to cross over.

Hubby saw woman and he was quite abrupt saying she shouldn't have done that as she is a stranger and she has taken our child away from where she was allowed.

AIBU?

OP posts:
amberscow · 04/04/2011 10:41

no i don't think YABU. i would do exactly what you said, take them to their own home or take them the cream. why put yourself in a situation which could be taken the wrong way even if it was all good intention. in this day an age people should be more careful. im very suprised a teacher did this. was she an older lady as this was probably ok back in her day.

however im not sure you should report her, if DD seems fine and says nothing has happened i think you should leave it but just keep a closer eye when the girls go out to play.

glassortwo · 04/04/2011 10:41

YANBU she should have had more sense. Why pass your door!

Original poster
Mands0603 · 04/04/2011 10:45

Thanks for that - just wanted to know if i was blowing things out of preportion!
She was in her 30's i would guess so thought with things children are learnt at school she would have had a bit more sense.
She doesnt know me or my family and had never met my DD before so it was just very upsetting

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 04/04/2011 10:45

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djinnie · 04/04/2011 10:46

YANBU.

However she probably feels mortified now. It was a very stupid thing to do and hopefully she will learn by it.

You are the parent here though and you should have insisted your DD had cream on before she went back out. It would only have taken a few seconds.

PixieOnaLeaf · 04/04/2011 10:47

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new2cm · 04/04/2011 10:48

I think you are being unreasonable. Your sentiments and opinions about this teacher illustrates why no one - especially men - dare help out a child in distress in a public place.

I witnessed a child (primary school age) fall off the climbing frame in a public park. This was witnessed by a dozen people, yet no one other than myself went up to the child to make sure he was alright. He informed me that he lived 'over there' and told me that he would make his own way home. There is a hedge between the park and the road and houses. I have not a clue on whether he got home safely other than there has not been a missing child report in that locality.

gorionine · 04/04/2011 10:48

YANBU

I was going to ask the same as amberscow WRT the woman's age.

BluddyMoFo · 04/04/2011 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mands0603 · 04/04/2011 10:50

I am sorry PixieOnaLeaf but i take a comment like that to be out of order.
I HAVE told my daughter about strangers and not to go and she comes straight to me or her dad.
She was on the field outside the gate I had checked on them both not less than a few moments earlier
You said it yourself 'presumably' the woman asked!

OP posts:
gorionine · 04/04/2011 10:51

"Your sentiments and opinions about this teacher illustrates why no one - especially men - dare help out a child in distress in a public place"

I do not agree, OP is not annoyed at the fact the lady was concerned enough to help., she is , with reason IMHO, annoyed at the fact she took the girllls inside her own house without letting the parents know before hand where they would be.

Skinit · 04/04/2011 10:52

How old is DD?

gorionine · 04/04/2011 10:52

girllls?!

PixieOnaLeaf · 04/04/2011 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Mands0603 · 04/04/2011 10:53

Thank you gorionine - that is exactly how i feel

I will help any child that is hurt etc but i will make sure i take them to their parent / carer and not to my own home - especially when i dont know them

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 04/04/2011 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoxyRevenger · 04/04/2011 10:54

I do find it quite depressing that people are offended by a nice lady helping a child with a cut. Hmm

But ask me again when my daughter is old enough to go out to play and I may think differently.

It's one of those things that you think, if this has happened 20 years ago, you wouldn't have blinked, (in fact you might even have said thank you) but now the culture seems to be very different. Sad

Skinit · 04/04/2011 10:54

It seems odd to me....bt I'm of the opinion that cream on a graze is ott anyway....I would never do what this woman did whether the kid was 6 or 16...why put yourself in that position?

Pagwatch · 04/04/2011 10:55

I think it is very useful for you to know that your daughter does not understand and/ or obey the rules about not going off with people without checking with you first.

Very useful information.

Have you and the school maybe made the common and understandable of teaching 'don't go with strangers'?

VinegarTits · 04/04/2011 10:56

if you are going to let your dd play out unsupervised then you need to drum into her the risks of going off with strangers, if she knew these already she would have told to woman she wasnt allowed to go with her

yes the woman was stupid for doing what she did, but you need to take some responisibility as a parent, and if your dd is likely to go off then dont let her out unsupervised, thoses are the risks you take

Skinit · 04/04/2011 10:56

Foxy even 20 years ago neighbours wouldn't ask you into their homes...you were sent home for a plaster or whatever. A neighbour might give you a drink or whatever...but going into peoples houss wasn't ok even then unless you were friends with their kids.

Skinit · 04/04/2011 10:57

I still want to know how old your DD is....it is relevant. If you were to say "6" then I would think that woman was very stpid....but if DD is 12 then not so much.

MrsGravy · 04/04/2011 10:58

YANBU - what on earth was she thinking?!

I have to say though, I wouldn't be letting my DD out to play alone again for a long time - not until I was convinced she understood the concept of 'stranger danger'.

mycatoscar · 04/04/2011 10:58

YANBU, but no harm done

IMO the lady did a very silly thing, especially bearing in mind what she does for a job, having a complaint made against her for soemthing like this has the potential to ruin her career. I am a teacher and whilst I am very happy to help children in public places I would never never do this, I would escort the children to their parent for the cream. I'm sure she realises it was stupid thing to do and that you must have been very worried.

You need to talk to your daughter about why it was silly of her to go with this lady, and that you and her frieinds mum were extremely worried.

Mangomargarita · 04/04/2011 11:00

I agree with Pagwatch. If you feel your daughter is ready to go out and play unsupervised, then she should know and be able to tell strangers that she will not be going into their house, even if they did ask.
The teacher had the best of intentions, so if you are cross about it, it really is up to you to make sure you daughter was not in that situation.

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