To think a teacher of all people should have had more sense???

[Mands0603]

Will try and give you the short version of this:
Basically my DD has been playing out over the past week or so with her friend from up the road - our back garden leads out onto a field so they have been playing making dens etc. She sometime plays at the front of the house but always comes to tell me where she is and I am constantly checking on her. They are both aware of where they are allowed to go.

Anyway yesterday she fell over and scraped her face (just a graze nothing serious) she came home i wiped it clean then said she could do with letting me put some cream on - said no she wanted to go back out to play so would come in and have some on when she came in for tea (she was allowed out until 6pm this was about 5.15ish)all ok off they went on the field.

About 5-10 mins later friends mum came knocking asking if they were at our house explained no they were on the field she says they werent - hence mad frantic search which lasted only about 10 minutes but felt like hours.

Basically a woman saw then on the field my DD must have been saying her graze hurt so this woman took them to her house which was past ours and over the road and took them both inside and then put some cream on my DD.

The woman i later found out is a teacher and said that if we report her we could get her into a lot of trouble.
I must admit that i had a very stern conversation with my DD (as did her friends mum) but I was more shocked that this teacher did took them to her house.

I thought about it and if i was in that position i would either take the child back to her home and explain that they were hurt or go home alone and get the cream and take it back to the child.

What made it worse was that once she had put the cream on she let them out of her house alone to cross over the road by themselves - we were searching for them so found them before they attempted to cross over.

Hubby saw woman and he was quite abrupt saying she shouldn't have done that as she is a stranger and she has taken our child away from where she was allowed.

AIBU?

I think although this woman was irresponsible you need to see this as an opportunity to re-educate your DD about stranger awareness. Clearly she has not got the message and I think it's really important to re-iterate to your DD that she was wrong to go willingly with this woman even though she seemed nice and caring. How old is your DD? Do you really think she can be trusted out with her friend?

I can see why you are angry with the woman, you must have been terrified, glad it was all ok in the end. It can't be easy to know how much freedom to give your kids.

she is 6 years old.

She did keep telling the woman she had to be near her and she wasnt allowed to go anywhere else without telling me first as the woman said this.

I have spoken to her about it and explained why she shouldn't have gone and will make sure it is drummed into her about strangers etc.

Very strange of the woman to take the children back to her house - I'm all for helping out children in distress but why would you take them away to your house? Surely no one would do that.

I do agree though that maybe your DD isn't old enough to play out alone if she would go off with a stranger!

mean to be - had to be near her house

You may have told her not to go with strangers but she hasn't listened to you. The teacher was very unwise, but presumably saw your DD crying/fussing about her face, thought it'd only just happened, and tried to help. I'd be a lot more worried about the fact that your DD willingly went into a strangers house. She is not safe to play outside unsupervised if she goes off with strangers.

Sorry I'm with Pixie on this - she obviously needs the stranger message reinforced as she did leave with a stranger and didn't go into the house. I think that the message kind of gets lost when it's a female stranger.

Out of interest, how old is dd?

I find this teacher's comment that if you report her, you could get into a lot of trouble... Why on earth would you get into trouble when it was her who was in the wrong IMHO?

I'm sure you have told your DD about not going off with strangers, but you don't know how this woman came across - if she told your DD she was a teacher, this could have made her think it was OK.

Why did she think it OK to apply cream to your DD's face when for all she knew, your DD might have a reaction to it.

I don't think YABU. It seems a bit odd to me.

IMO 6 is a bit too young to be playing out unsupervised

Bugger, that's either 'didn't go back to you' or 'did go into the house'

CurlyLJ try rereading the OP

That is good advice PixieOnaLeaf, it is much better than "arguing that you cannot go because it gives the stranger the oportunity to find convincing excuses like "It is ok , I am a teacher!" or "It is just for 5 minutes to make you better".

PixieonaLeaf has a good point. Whatever you and your friend have told your daughters, they did go with a stranger into her house.

As far as I understand, paedophiles are likely to come up with equally plausible and unthreatening reasons to lure a child into their home/car etc.

You were lucky this time.

The teacher neighbour was unwise to do this - as evidenced by the outrage it caused.

BUT - your dd clearly isn't mature enough to be allowed out to play.

I find it quite hard to believe that a teacher would apply cream though because they must all be aware of allergy issues and whatnot. What kind of teacher is she?

Sorry, misread part of the OP
But still, if this teacher clearly realises she could get into big trouble over this, then what was she thinking of?!

You need to really ensure your DD understands that no matter who a stranger says they are, even (or especially) if they say 'it's OK, mummy knows' that she must still refuse to go. As butterbur says, those who do intend malice will come up with the most clever tactics and plausible reasons to lure children away.

Op.

It shouldn't matter what people say to her. She needs to understand that the rule is she doesn't go no matter what.
It shouldn't be a negotiation.

When I was teaching dcs we did all the scenarios I could think of including the obvious ones like young woman asking for help to find her puppy and friends dad who turned up and offered to take her to play with friend telling her ' mummy said it is fine'.

Don't tell her the rules. Play out the scenarios.

Mands0603

How sad and ridiculous. Thirty years ago you would have thanked her. Is this really what we've come to?

I understand that PixieOnaLeaf and thank you for your comments.

I have never had to deal with this before as she has always come in to see me if anything was wrong or if they were playing and some other kids were out too they would come and play in the garden etc so i think i was also very shocked she went off like that too when she knows not to.

I am not sure what type of teach she was Jenai as i dont know her.

good idea Pagwatch about playing out scenarios - not thought of that

It is a shock isn't it, when you think you know how they will behave and they do something so foolish. But they all do it.

I used to make a game of 'what if' and get them to answer or show me - playing things out etc etc. They loved it. You can cover things like getting lost too.

'Thirty years ago you would have thanked her. Is this really what we've come to'

26 years ago, when I was 6, my mother would have thanked her, and then bollocked me when I got home for going off with a stranger and going into their house. Maybe the Moors Murders hit harder in the N. West, but the fact that it was a woman wouldn't have cut any ice with my mother.

Clearly your DD is too young to be playing out alone. You've had a fright and learnt a lesson, you need to take responsibilty for that though.

You shouldn't report the woman as you have no evidence that she was acting with anything other than good intentions. Suprised a teacher would apply cream though, it's something we are all trained not to do! Might be worth finding out what sort of teacher she is! Could be yoga for all we know"