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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a teacher of all people should have had more sense???

187 replies

Mands0603 · 04/04/2011 10:35

Will try and give you the short version of this:
Basically my DD has been playing out over the past week or so with her friend from up the road - our back garden leads out onto a field so they have been playing making dens etc. She sometime plays at the front of the house but always comes to tell me where she is and I am constantly checking on her. They are both aware of where they are allowed to go.

Anyway yesterday she fell over and scraped her face (just a graze nothing serious) she came home i wiped it clean then said she could do with letting me put some cream on - said no she wanted to go back out to play so would come in and have some on when she came in for tea (she was allowed out until 6pm this was about 5.15ish)all ok off they went on the field.

About 5-10 mins later friends mum came knocking asking if they were at our house explained no they were on the field she says they werent - hence mad frantic search which lasted only about 10 minutes but felt like hours.

Basically a woman saw then on the field my DD must have been saying her graze hurt so this woman took them to her house which was past ours and over the road and took them both inside and then put some cream on my DD.

The woman i later found out is a teacher and said that if we report her we could get her into a lot of trouble.
I must admit that i had a very stern conversation with my DD (as did her friends mum) but I was more shocked that this teacher did took them to her house.

I thought about it and if i was in that position i would either take the child back to her home and explain that they were hurt or go home alone and get the cream and take it back to the child.

What made it worse was that once she had put the cream on she let them out of her house alone to cross over the road by themselves - we were searching for them so found them before they attempted to cross over.

Hubby saw woman and he was quite abrupt saying she shouldn't have done that as she is a stranger and she has taken our child away from where she was allowed.

AIBU?

OP posts:
EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 04/04/2011 11:51

She probably teaches sixth form. Anyone who works with younger children would know better than to risk bringing a child into their home.

PixieOnaLeaf · 04/04/2011 11:52

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Skinit · 04/04/2011 11:53

6 year old's generally dont have the jugement to stand up for what they have been instructed to do by their parent when another adult overrides that advice. They are too used to doing as they are told by adult authority figures to defy or contradict a grown up.

RitaMorgan · 04/04/2011 11:55

I don't think 30 years ago you would thank someone for taking your child away from where they should be so you can't find them Hmm

30 years ago weren't children told never to go off anywhere with anyone without telling mummy where you're going?

Skinit · 04/04/2011 11:58

That's right Rita...I played out alone all day long but the rules were strict...no going in other people's houss without coming home and asking first, no acceptng sweets from anyone at all and no leaving the estate. This was 30years ago....I'm 38

caughtinanet · 04/04/2011 11:59

Are you sure she is a teacher, her story seems a bit odd.

Why would she have not realised that she shouldn't have taken them in and then very shortly afterwards asked you not to tell anyone as she's a teacher.

Is there anyway you could find out if she is actually a teacher ?

I'm all for children playing outside and learning to be independent so I hope this doesn't put you off allowing your DD some freedom with suitable constraints.

RitaMorgan · 04/04/2011 12:06

The whole thing is very odd - if you found a child hurt wouldn't you take them back to their own house? Surely that is common sense, teacher or not.

It just wouldn't occur to be to take a child into my house - either find their mother, or if very seriously injured call an ambulance.

prettybird · 04/04/2011 12:07

YANBU to be upset at "losing" your dd. YAalsoNBU to be upset at the lady for not supervising them crossing back across the road.

YABU if you were thinking of "reporting" her (if indeed you were).

I am old enough (50 on Wednesday Blush) to remember when people would have been thanked for helping an upset child.

As someone else said, for an equivalent incident in her childhood, the lady would have been thanked and the child then - at home - bollocked for going somewhere without telling her parents.

Even though I am in the "benign neglect" school of parenting, it would seem that your dd is perhaps still a little young to be out without closer supervision, if she can be persuaded to go off like that.

ashamedandconfused · 04/04/2011 12:07

OMG I can't believe the teacher in the OP (if in fact she definitely IS a teacher!)

I am a trained teacher. I have 3 CRB checks (not that i agree with those or see them as fool proof)I have rushed out when a kid in the street fell of its bike and screamed blue murder, rather than bring it home i sent the friend to fetch mum from house round corner, I did not even touch the kid much, just to reassure and try to calm them down (I would have done first aid had serious first aid been needed, as i am trained for my role as a guider)

This woman did not know if your child was allergic, had any medical condition etc etc, ASIDE from the "stranger" element. Most schools WILL NOT apply anything other than water or a cold compress, no antiseptic wipes or creams used, except wipes on trips where water is not available

She should have taken the child home if she was concerned

HOWEVER, you need to reasses what you thought about your childs ability to make decisions/play out. My kids are always told they do not go off EVEN if someone we know offers them a lift. If the lady over the road offers them a cake, which she often does, they come and ask before going in. and we are almost always withing earshot/sight anyway!

VivaLeBeaver · 04/04/2011 12:10

Well it sounds like the woman was acting out of kindness so I wouldn't try getting her in trouble. Not really sure what trouble she could get in though - out of work time so her school wouldn't be interested, she hasn't done anything illegal.

I hope you're not letting your DD go out again unsupervised until you can trust that she won't go off with strangers. I think thats the main issue here and the one you need to focus on.

worraliberty · 04/04/2011 12:12

A 6yr old who is willing to go with a stranger into their house should definitely not be playing out unsupervised.

Really, I'd give it another 6 months or a year before trusting her again OP.

ashamedandconfused · 04/04/2011 12:14

the more i think about this, the more concerned I am that she may not be a teacher.

that does not mean she is a dangerous person, just perhaps someone who, having realisied they had done somethign silly taking an unknown child away from where they were supposed to be and into the privacy of her own home, wanted to seem to be OK, by saying she was a teacher, then by saying "and i can get into trouble for doing this", making it look even more like she is a good egg doing you a favour.

I think I would want to find out where she works TBH

Original poster
Mands0603 · 04/04/2011 12:15

I think she was wrong to take the children back to her house as at the end of the day she is a stranger.

I knew my DD had a graze and she ran off quite happily when i asked her to come in for some cream so it cant have been too bad - it was red yes but that is because it had just happened!

DD said that she put some ice on it too before the cream which is what i know happens at school hence why they were in her house about 10 minutes (although felt a lot longer when we were looking) we werent quietly shouting either so am suprised they never heard us

I dont want to prohibit my DD from finding her own independence although I will be making sure that this is a lesson learnt - for both of us. It will be a while before she can play out again i think!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mands0603 · 04/04/2011 12:15

meant to add - I won't be reporting her

OP posts:
ashamedandconfused · 04/04/2011 12:17

viva - Not really sure what trouble she could get in though - out of work time so her school wouldn't be interested, she hasn't done anything illegal

I am sure they would be interested to hear this. Done nothing "illegal" perhaps, but shown a real lack of understanding of basic professional principles - such as never being alone with a child in the classroom with your door shut - EVEN IF this had been the childs own teacher, known by the parents, she should not have encouraged the child to go away and into her home. she made a very very bad call.

caughtinanet · 04/04/2011 12:18

The more you post the more odd it sounds - 10 minutes is a long time to be inside the house. Is there any wahy you can find out more details of the lady - mutual friends or neighbours maybe.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 04/04/2011 12:19

ashamed - I just cam back to this thread to say something very similar!

I don't think this woman is a teacher at all. None of it adds up. Her insistence that you don't report her, using the cream - it really doesn't sit right with me.

Why would she be so worried about you reporting her? As Viva said, the school wouldn't be interested. Who on earth would be? What is she trying to hide?

PixieOnaLeaf · 04/04/2011 12:21

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PixieOnaLeaf · 04/04/2011 12:22

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VivaLeBeaver · 04/04/2011 12:24

I agree she made a bad call but she wasn't by herself in a classroom with one child and the door shut. Maybe the school would be interested in that, not sure but maybe. But that would be something that happens in work time with a child at that school.

I think what she does in her own time as long its not illegal or neglectful I really don't think her employers would be interested. They certainly couldn't do anything - they couldn't sack her, they couldn't discipline her.

mrsgboring · 04/04/2011 12:25

I think you need to be careful with the word "stranger" as it doesn't cover all scenarios. You need to be clear at this age that she must not go to any place or with any person you have not expressly said is okay.

All these people are not strangers to a child:

Great Aunty Doris who has early stage Alzheimers
The man who turns up at the park every single day with his dog who says hello
The lady behind the Co-op counter
Their friend's much older teenage sister or brother.

You would not necessarily want the child going off with any of them, even if that person was genuinely being helpful, and wouldn't hurt a fly.

new2cm · 04/04/2011 12:25

I agree with Viva's last post. I was waiting for someone to sum it all up better than i can.

PixieOnaLeaf · 04/04/2011 12:27

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new2cm · 04/04/2011 12:29

And Viva's second to last post.

bamboostalks · 04/04/2011 12:29

Imo a 6 year old is too young to play out over fields unsupervised.