Teaching isn't compatible with parenting

[treehugga]

So you think there are short days and long holidays, well hollow laugh! Am I the only teaching 'widow'? My DP seems to spend all of his evenings and weekends working, which doesn't make me a smiley mummy this Mother's Day after yet another day of sole childcare while lessons get planned, reports written and whatever-else for the little darlings. Some mitigating points:

• when he's not working, he's usually great at domestic stuff and for this reason I count myself lucky
• he is a perfectionist
• I know one other teacher (who also works ridiculous hours) but maybe he's just avoiding family life.

So, put me straight, am I the only one or are there more?

OP I haven't read the whole thread but I sympathise. My DH is a teacher and he works unbelievably long hours. We're expecting DC1 in June.

I am a university lecturer and my hours are very long but eminently more flexible. But this has big pros and big cons. For a start, my mum has just texted me saying how wonderful it must be to be 'off' now that the students are leaving (it's the end of semester). I have been working/studying at universities since 2000 and it doesn't matter how many times I tell her that teaching is only a part of the job and that the vacations are only for students (and not for me - I'm still expected to be putting in at least 40 (ha ha - more like 70) hours a week) she (and a lot of other people) never gets it! It's brilliant because it means when the baby is born I will be able to do all my teaching/office hours in 3 days and only have to pay for three days' childcare. But it means that I will have to catch up the rest of the hours when DH is at home ... and he'll be trying to plan/mark etc. So I know there are going to be big issues and that I'll probably end up resorting to extra hours of childcare in the end, just to get everything done. I also know it means that when the baby is sick/under the weather it is a thousand times more likely I'll have to take the day off than DH - which is a real worry because I need to get all my work done and need to prove I'm working full time and hard even though I'm not technically on campus every day ...

I guess that absolutely every working family has these issues regardless of their jobs, but school teaching is so totally inflexible during term time that it can put a lot of burden on the other parent ...

As an example, I cannot ever remember a thread of nurses moaning about how hard they work, even though I think you'll agree that their job is stressful, hard physically, often on shifts, and often badly paid.

Yes, but the 'public' generally agree that nurses have a hard job. Teachers are constantly batting off comments about long holidays, working 9-3 (as if), weekends off etc.

Next time I see my DDs teachers, I shall remember to carry them shoulder high through the streets backwardspossum :o

I'm struggling to remember another job that gets thank you cards and presents twice a year like teachers do.

I don't think teachers are underappreciated at all in general. Just chippy

I'm struggling to remember another job that gets thank you cards and presents twice a year like teachers do

Fuck me, I must be working in the wrong school...

You get no thank you cards or presents at the end of summer term? From pupils / parents? You are the only teacher I know who doesn't!!

Although to be fair I'm thinking of primary schools.

Nope. And I never gave to any of my teachers when I was in school. My DCs will not be giving to their teachers when they're at school either. How bizarre.

Pah ha ha ha!

"You get no thank you cards or presents at the end of summer term? From pupils / parents? You are the only teacher I know who doesn't!!"

Dp's colleague has had a student steal from her personal belongings in her own classrooom. A student recently blamed a teacher for his failing grades and cited racism as a motivation for bullying from the teacher even though everyone new it wasn't true. Parent's sometimes think teachers are to blame for everything going wrong in their children's education instead of taking a long hard look at what kind of lifestyle they have at home and whether it is interfering with their child's education. A thank you card would be lovely, or at least an apology card after a parent has been shouting at you down the phone. Recently a friend was sexually harassed into tears by boys in her class and what can she do about it? Nearly nothing.

Teachers work damn hard Curry and deal with alot. DP has even had student's threaten to fight him and a friend nearly got slashed with a knife when he got inbetween a fight (walked away with only a slight cut to the arm). This is inner city teaching in secondary schools though, and these examples are taken from a wide range of teachers we know (just dawned on me how many teachers and NQT's we associate with lol).

And Curry there would be no newly qualified nurses to fill the ranks without educator's in the field teaching them how to be good nurses in the first place, society's progression is based on the foundation of education.

For goodness sakes LDMmummy. (don't know how to make it bold but trust me I'm saying it bold )

I haven't said teachers don't work hard. I haven't said they don't do a good job. I was pointing out that lots of people find working full time to be incompatible with patenting

Not sure I can make my point any clearer tbh

Many teachers get a lot of presents. My children's father is absolutely over loaded with them, masses and masses of things. Occasionally primary schools ban them which I think is sensible. They are less common in secondary schools.

Teachers work hard, nothing like as hard as some professions but they get paid an awful lot less than many so they are allowed to whinge if they want in return.

Do teachers not get presents?

At DC's school we club together for an end of term gift for the class teacher/tutor - £5 per family, so £100 of vouchers plus card and flowers/wine.

Always a class card at XMAS and Easter (plus chocolate).

And many send sperately too. I often pop a box of biscuits in the Games dept who have been exceptional wiht my DC.

And probably slimey as hell, but I always drop a note in after the first half term to the new class teacher thanking them for helping DC settle in

Oh blimey, what is the point of coming onto a thread clearly represented in the title as wanting to discuss specifically what it is like to be a teacher/married to a teacher...just to have a pop and then accuse those responding of being 'chippy'?

For what it's worth, I worked hard as a teacher, I worked hard in my previous career. Only difference being my acquaintances didn't refer to my previous career choice as 'joining the lazy brigade', or get called a part-timer, or all sorts of other 'chippy' comments. Likewise I never had chairs thrown at me, or got called the C word, or was routinely ignored or insulted in my previous life either. (And I got paid nearly twice as much...)

The reason nurses don't need to 'defend themselves' as much for example is because the whole population does it for them, nurses (righfully so) are held in high regard and their work is appreciated, not critiqued at every turn. The same cannot be said for teachers.

But you won't hear me moaning (other than the odd whine to other teachers, but teachers aren't alone in complaining to colleagues) because I chose this job, and I love it. (Not working at the mo as at home with DD...)

Oh, and I have never had a card or a present...secondary though.

Blimey Wordfactory. Most of the parents at my school really struggle financially so no voucher stuff going on!

Trouble is, most people went to school, so they all think they know what teaching is like. Hence the comments about part-timers, short hours, etc.

Odd, because I wouldn't presume to know about nursing because I've been in hospital.

Have you noticed that it's all those who aren't teachers saying that its a family-friendly job?

I was an experienced full time primary teacher with 2 pre school aged dcs of my own. It was not child friendly. Dh did most of the bed times and weekends while I planned, marked, prepared for inspections etc etc etc

I left teaching because to do it well I had to choose between being a good teacher or a good mum. I regret the time I missed with my dcs because I tried to be both.

How can we compare jobs?
Since teaching I have worked in a job with highly stressful tight deadlines where several people left with stress related conditions (but it was nowhere near as stressful as teaching). I have worked in a public-facing job dealing with unhappy and often substance-abusing members of the public (but nowhere near as difficult as dealing with the parents of some of my former pupils) and I have taken higher level academic qualifications involving late night study and essay writing (nowhere near as tiring as endless evening marking). I have worked on ESF funded projects which require 17 different picecs of paperwork for every client I support (not nearly the ridiculous quantities of bureaucracy involved with assessments, report writing, targets, SATs and so on).

I worked in 4 different schools over time. I never met a good teacher who didn't work exhausting hours. I never met a good head or deputy with young children who weren't either male or if female had a partner who did the majority of childcare in term time.

You wouldn't think it but I did love teaching - it's just a pity that a teacher's job involves so little teaching and so much other stuff.

and have you noticed teachers or their partners wont concede it does have good t&c and favourable holidays.only the emphasis upon hard grind

this isn't a whose job is hardest competition it is simply an observation that there are other hard jobs too and they dont exhibit quite the same martyrdom about how hard done to they are.the rest of us working have to sort out childcare
Easter
october week
xmas
mid term
and summer

I think you'll find scottishmummy, that I bigged up the holidays near the start of the thread...

takethatlady where the heck do you work? My workplace is NOT flexible at all like that. No flexibility, no working from home. Long hours for reduced pay? be careful going part time is all i'll say.

I concede that it has its perks- the holidays (although you do end up working through some of them), the ability to go home at 3 on Fridays, less childcare to worry about.

Yes, it's stressful. Yes, it's time consuming. Yes, you work evenings. Yes, you sometimes have to work weekends. This is also true of many other jobs.

I am not impressed by comments such as "I have never met a good teacher who didn't work exhausting hours". I have taught for 7 years. My last 5 observations have been outstanding or good with outstanding features, including one by ofsted when I was 37 weeks pregnant, in an outstanding school. I have at times felt exhausted, such as close to report deadlines. But I have never, on a regular basis, worked exhausting hours. I work around 50 hours a week and I am a teacher and a head of year. It can be compatible with whatever you like. Are all you teachers out there seriously telling me that in term time all you do is either work or look after your children? You don't sit down with a glass of wine, watch Eastenders, talk to your husbands or wives, go out for a drink??

And anyone who think the pressies are a perk clearly doesn't have enough bubble bath!!

lol bigged it up.a shout out to the teachers crew.Yo Yo in the mn hood

Yes, the holidays are good. I do the same hours now as when I had a "proper job" - they're just spread through the year differently.

Yes, I am lucky in that I don't have to sort out childcare for the Easter hols.

But - in answer to the original question - it isn't a job that's more compatible with parenting than any other.
We've already said - people in other jobs don't get told what an easy time they are having by those who think they know all about it.

Yes indeed.

I did though. Your reading is selective.