Teaching isn't compatible with parenting

[treehugga]

So you think there are short days and long holidays, well hollow laugh! Am I the only teaching 'widow'? My DP seems to spend all of his evenings and weekends working, which doesn't make me a smiley mummy this Mother's Day after yet another day of sole childcare while lessons get planned, reports written and whatever-else for the little darlings. Some mitigating points:

• when he's not working, he's usually great at domestic stuff and for this reason I count myself lucky
• he is a perfectionist
• I know one other teacher (who also works ridiculous hours) but maybe he's just avoiding family life.

So, put me straight, am I the only one or are there more?

That's why by the end of term most teachers at are the end of their tether. I'm looking forward to the exam classes going on study leave in May, big time

I disagree with the statements of he is a workaholic etc. Depending on your school etc those hours and more are a reality. Esp if he is writing reports etc at this time of year. Our new reporting format averages out at 4hrs per child. I have 28 kids, had 33 last year, this is obviously on top of normal planning and marking (which can NOT all be done in PPA). Of COURSE it impacts on homelife.

I'm HoD for a core subject (biggest department in the school). I do reasonable well as a parent too I hope. I am spending at least some of Mothers' Day with my children, and last weekend we all went away. I work hard of course - every evening during the week for 4+ hours - but I wouldn't ignore my children (and husband) at the weekend, and if he is, then he has let something get out of control somewhere IMO.

ppa is a drop in the ocean for the hours A-Level classes take to prepare - esp. when the exam board keep changing the specification

I agree it need not mean he is a workaholic. I will soon be looking for a new teaching position after realising that my school expects more from me than most other school. I do not know many teachers at my school who don't do at least 60 hours a week and it is often many more.

Also depends in how you choose to balance your work etc, I have to come in pretty late in the morning and leave relatively early due to our childcare set up, if I could spend more time in school I'd have less to do at hOme!

Perhaps it's a lack of poor leadership in the school, not all to do with him.
Sounds like the management balance isn't working as it should.

He should bring it up with the head and he should better delegate to get some support from the other staff in his year.

I think he needs to be less of a perfectionist tbh. Teaching is a job where you're never 'finished' - the more work you put in, the better learning experience the students have. But work-life balance demands that he does stop eventually, and you need to have a discussion with him about how much effort is too much effort. Teaching will literally suck the life out of you unless you become less perfectionist, let some things go, and remember at the end of the day that his family is more important. Even if his pride tells him he needs to give 100% to teaching, there is no such thing. He does sound like a workaholic who strives on the stress and I don't doubt he's an excellent teacher. He needs to cut some slack though - the world won't end if books aren't marked the same day, or if he hauls out last year's lesson plan.

Is he primary or secondary? IME primary does take hours every night, but no way secondary should do.

He might prefer" working" to childcare and housework. Just tell him he either does more at home or you'll hire someone to look after the children on Sundays so you get the day off.

I'm a secondary HoD btw and rarely work in the evenings - leave usually 4:30-5, 6 latest. No work in evenings or weekends. I'm bloody good at my job too but have high blood pressure and stress - you have to manage it effectively or it will take over your life.
Coursework makes this time of year a total nightmare, I've dragged myself out of the house to get some fresh air

I am a full time teacher and a parent. My previous school was awfully run and did require me to work stupid hours.
My current school does require a lot of extra work, but not every night.

Is he secondary? This time of year is VERY busy in terms of exams etc - but after May he should coast along to summer hols!

But no, teaching is not a very family friendly career - other than the long holidays.

I'm secondary and have to at least do 2.5hrs every night - I'm pretty sure that's the norm for my dept. More when resports to write (remember we teach 7 year groups and often a few classes in each - so that's a lot of reports) or when have loads of exam papers to mark on top of normal workload.

Phooey what subject do you teach? As I said most staff in my school work long hours especially in a management position. I have become aware that my school asks too much which is why I am leaving.

When classes go on study leave we get a million schemes of work to write which I usually end up having to finsih in the hols!!

My DP is a lecturer. My sister is a teacher.

I consider both (related) professions to be extremely parenting compatible. It's down to the person/teacher. If you have a workaholic in your midst, they'll find a way to be one whatever their profession is.

phooey - am I very intrigued what subject that is too?!!
Must be P.E????!!

I'm HoD Music. Busy dept, lots of rehearsals and evening gigs but I'm aware our marking workload is less. Same planning and reporting requirements though.

We get that as weel Nessy but it is not the same level of pressure and it is possible - in theory at least - to get it done between 8 and 6pm .

It really depends on the job and where you work.

Dh works as head of largest faculty at best school in the country. He works 70 hours a week and half of every holiday.

He is not a workaholic but he is very dedicated to the children.

The school demands blood unfortunately, no one stays longer than 3 years as the pressure is so high but it's brilliant on a cv.

It's run by an incredible megalomaniac who doesn't 'let' teachers take time off for funerals, and much worse but I can't bum myself out any more.

I have so much respect for dh though, he is awesome.

I am a (trainee) TA and MrA is a teacher of 15 years standing and is now a Head of Science in a large secondary (inner city) school.

I understand where you are coming from. Teaching is not a family friendly profession. MrA works for at least 3 hours on a week night at home and most weekends he is chained to his lap top. He is responsible for science provision in his school, as well as managing and developing a large team of staff so his job is pretty full on.

And when he was a 'young' teacher he was committed to doing his best in his role, because his 'work' impacts directly on the lives of young people.

Does it annoy me when he is always working? Yes it does. But from time to time he gets letters from parents thanking him for what he has done, or he hears of ex pupils doing really well and it puts it all in perspective.

And working in a school has made me understand how 'the job' does not finish when the bell goes and there is a huuuuuuge amount of unpaid effort that makes our schools run.

I'm proud of how much effort MrA puts into his job, I hope that the teachers of our kids are equally as committed. I do still nag him every now and then though

Caveat - I am very good at it, working towards AST. Suffered from stress badly in my first year of HoD though so am really conscious of work-life balance.

However I'm ttc no1 atm and planning to SAH and teach my instruments from home

That sounds exactly like the school I work in. It is a fantastic school for results and pupils experience but utterly exhausting.

My OH is a teacher (secondary school) and he certainly doesn't work long hours! Some lesson prep/marking/paperwork etc at home, nothing excessive and nothing in the (long)holidays until a few days before he goes back.

He loves his subject (and his job) so is in a way always 'on' as he often gets ideas during the day, but that is fun, not work.

He used to work long hours in a crushing job and chucked it in to retrain and has never been happier. We see a lot more of him, and a much happer him, now he is a teacher.

Secondary also, and I don't do any substantial schoolwork after 5pm.

Yes, we have SOW to write during the summer downtime but these are really just adaptations to what we have always done, and edits of exam board material. It takes me about an hour or two to do one year, and much of that time is perfecting my clicky links.

It really must be down to the school. My school is all about how hard the staff work, not about have much effort the students put in. Enough said.