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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teaching isn't compatible with parenting

479 replies

treehugga · 03/04/2011 17:06

So you think there are short days and long holidays, well hollow laugh! Am I the only teaching 'widow'? My DP seems to spend all of his evenings and weekends working, which doesn't make me a smiley mummy this Mother's Day after yet another day of sole childcare while lessons get planned, reports written and whatever-else for the little darlings. Some mitigating points:

  • when he's not working, he's usually great at domestic stuff and for this reason I count myself lucky
  • he is a perfectionist
  • I know one other teacher (who also works ridiculous hours) but maybe he's just avoiding family life.
So, put me straight, am I the only one or are there more?
OP posts:
FunnysInTheGarden · 03/04/2011 22:36

IMO teaching is one of the easier jobs to fit in with parenting. If you are working many hours after school you are either avoiding family life or not very good at managing your work load.

And Nessy to say that in Industry at 6pm you can go home and forget about work is simply not the case. I am a professional (solicitor) and think about /plan work constantly.

Do you know, teachers aren't the only ones who work hard.............

FunnysInTheGarden · 03/04/2011 22:41

Nessy DH was HOD at a big secondary, but found that he couldn't do a good enough job with 2 small DC to look after. He is now a MPS teacher. Likewise with me, I found working for a global law firm incompatible with family life and so have down sized my role too. Both still work FT which is enough in itself.

Being a teacher per se is doable with children, but you have to be realistic as with all jobs

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 03/04/2011 22:50

No one said that teachers were the only ones who worked hard

LDNmummy · 03/04/2011 22:54

I am a widow :(

We are hoping it will not be this way for too long though, maybe only the next 2 to 5 years till DP fully gets into a manageable routine (2-5 years -sob-) . He will be an NQT come September and apparently that year is the hardest and we will have a new born so I am bracing myself.

It is already very difficult and I find myself gritting my teeth when I hear the stupid comment's some parent's make, because they do not realise just how much work good teachers actually have to do.

LDNmummy · 03/04/2011 22:59

"If you are working many hours after school you are either avoiding family life or not very good at managing your work load."

Rubbish. My DP as a new teacher in an inner city school setting has an emmense workload and definitely is not bad at managing this or attempting to avoid family life. He actually tries to do as much of it at home with me so that he can still spend time with me at some stage in the day.

FunnysInTheGarden · 03/04/2011 23:02

LDN your DP is nearly a NQT. When he has got to grips with the job he should spend far less time preparing and marking etc at home. DH is a million years qualified and manages his job with ease. Don't despair.

scottishmummy · 03/04/2011 23:07

op husband is 20yr qualified not earnest NQT,and no doesnt have to be like op describes.maybe her dh stretches time,or is to perfectionist,or is using work as excuse to be avoidant of other stuff

googoomama · 03/04/2011 23:09

I manage my workload really well. I have to. I'm on my own with 2 kids under 8 and I can't work when they are around because they need my full attention. But the workload is huge, so evenings it is because during the day you can't get much paperwork done, as you are standing in front of a class teaching, not behind a desk. And I don't avoid family life. I AM the family life for my kids. Most of the staff at my place get in at 7.30 and leave at six. I get in at 8.15, straight after I drop kids at childminder's and leave at quarter to five, in order to pick kids up and make tea. I am head of French and English in a small middle school. When they are in bed I mark the 240 books I need to mark per week, update SEN file (new system just brought in which involves a lot of paperwork on a half termly basis), analyse the data for half termly tests, work on my subject improvement plan, which has to be reviewed every half term and every half term I also have to mark 2 sets of English work for Assessing Pupil Progress (new way of assessing English). One set takes 7 hours. I am also in charge of 2 non specialists teaching French for the first time to younger pupils and meet with them on a weekly basis to go through planning and any assessment issues they have. I am also mentor to new member of English department and have to help him to assess English work, so that he understands how to use APP system.
After Easter the kids will sit a reading and a writing test. I have four weeks to mark 80 tests, oversee him marking the other 80 (he has never done it before), analyse the data from these tests and then write 200 reports. However well you manage your workload, this means working late when kids are in bed.
How dare you suggest teachers who work hours at home are avoiding family life? I do all this because it's my job and there's noone else to pay the mortgage. And I still find time to be a parent to my two little boys. I have to do both as well as I can. And my boss thinks I'm a slacker because I can't stay until 6 and I can't go on the school trip, as there is noone else to look after my boys. Not everyone has the choice to downsize their job, even if we wanted to (which I frequently do).

1Catherine1 · 03/04/2011 23:21

googoomama - that is some serious work! Your boys are very lucky to have a mum who works so hard yet still has time to be a good mum!

MoreFruitLoopthanFruitShoot · 03/04/2011 23:21

No, teachers are not the only ones who work hard, but they are perhaps the only profession that 'outsiders' think is completely compatible with children.

My DH is not a teacher, I was before I had the dc. I was in school for 7.30am, left at 6pm. My DH goes to work at 7am and is home at 9pm.

I wouldn't be happy doing "enough". So I don't teach any more.

Except in my dreams Sad

SlackSally · 03/04/2011 23:22

I'm currently an NQT. So far, I'm finding the job hard work, but not a patch on my PGCE.

I agree with whoever said that A level marking and prep takes a lot of time. This is largely what I do. I spent my Christmas 'holidays' marking 80 pieces of coursework.

This last term has been very, very busy and stressful (pulled several 70-80 hour weeks), but the pay off is that the summer term should be much calmer, and then of course the summer holidays!

However, I don't yet have any children. I do look at my colleagues with children and sometimes wonder how they do it. I think perhaps it's easier to start without and then have them once you've got a hold on it.

LDNmummy · 03/04/2011 23:25

Funnys I know, but TBH I did find the idea that a teacher who is working alot is avoiding family life somewhat offensive. Only because it is only, as you stated, when you have been in the swing of it for years that you can actually manage the workload, and the amount of lesson planning decreases as you build a lesson plan portfolio (I mean the already made lesson plans you construct over years and draw from).

But thank you for your words of consolation, I will keep it in mind next year when he is in the midst of his NQT year and we have our LO here. I definitely look forward to the day's when he is as experienced as your DH and we can have more than two hours a day to ourselves again.

Liz79 · 03/04/2011 23:28

Mr Liz here.

I resent the comment by funnysinthegarden I am in at 08:00 every morning setting up my lab. I work through break but refuse to work through lunch so my form can come and find me if they have issues and so I can talk with the rest of my dept. Then I finish teaching at 15:30 pack up my lab do detentions mark some work and leave at 16:00 - 16:30. Supper with family and play and bed til 19:30 then work till 22:00 at least marking endless coursework (god forbid the children should have responsibility for their marks and not endless retires) plan new lesson everytime the syllabus or marking system changes. I have been in teaching 5 years and am now on mk iv of sow.

I do NOT avoid family I am good at managing my time but my profession is the whipping boy where the customers can not be allowed to fail and is not responsible for their actions or results unless they are good.

You're a solicitor good now try working with 34 clients simultaneously all with different specific needs, 3% intent on destroying your work, 30% not wanting to be there, 5% requiring additional support. Then be inspected by a system that judges you on last years data before they've seen this years teaching. And have the goal posts retrospectivly moved. Then have a two tiered system of responsibilities where if you swear you can lose your job but if your client sets fire to your room they get 3 days at home infront of their x box ...

No teaching a core (marking heavy, political football) subject is not compatible in the long run.

manicinsomniac · 03/04/2011 23:29

morefruitloop - that's really sad that you're dreaming of working and feeling you can't. How old are your children? perhaps when they are in school you could talk to your husband about how to manage because it is absolutely possible to do loads of work with children around, especially if you have them at the same school as you are working at.

Although having said that I have girls who have grown up with my working, boys or children used to a lot of attention could be a whole lot harder.

LDNmummy · 03/04/2011 23:30

googoomama I just cannot fathom how you do this, I admire your ability to handle a workload such as that and two LO's of that age.

FunnysInTheGarden · 03/04/2011 23:32

LDN some teachers, as with other professions, avoid family life by working. I know bucket loads of lawyers who do this. That is not to say your DP is one of them.

It will get better, maybe not next year with a new baby and his new job, but soon after. Very best of luck. You will all be fine.

LDNmummy · 03/04/2011 23:33

Thank you Smile

NessyBay · 04/04/2011 07:49

Well said Mr Liz.

It's the justifying our apparent easy jobs that I cannot abide anymore.

onceamai · 04/04/2011 08:27

I'm a manager in education (not teaching). I start work at 9am and leave at 5.30 but in very busy periods can be there until 7 and working at weekends (probably three times a year for three weeks stints); occasionally taking a lunch break. I rarely bring home work. Around that I look after two DC 12/16. I am up to date with work and have a very high and complex caseload compared to other colleagues who never seem to be on top of anything and who work longer hours than me. My pay probably equates to that of a teacher but I only get 6 weeks holiday and have to fund holiday care and miss out on time with the children then.

Honeybee79 · 04/04/2011 08:51

I'm going to caveat what I'm about to say by apologising for not reading all of the thread, only the first couple of pages . . .

DH is a teacher and he reckons it's bloody brilliant. Loves it and cares loads about doing a great job. And home by 4.15pm every day (will be collecting DS from nursery when I'm back at work). Rarely brings any work home at all. BUT he is extremely efficient when at work, stays focused and uses his free periods to the max.

I think it's the type of job that could take over your life if you let it though.

onlion · 04/04/2011 09:00

I work like a bloody slave until about midnight every night and also work on my days off. Awful.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 04/04/2011 09:00

I dropped out of my PGCE after the spring term (my main block of teaching practice) because I realised that I would never be able to switch off. I found it emotionally exhausting.

I do regret it though :(

soverylucky · 04/04/2011 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

echt · 04/04/2011 09:20

I'm impressed, Honeybee79. What does your DH teach?

StarExpat · 04/04/2011 09:21

It is emotionally exhausting and a lot of work, but I've been teaching now for 10 and a half years, since leaving University and I have learned a lot about time management and I feel that, in my case, teaching is very compatible with parenting :)

I do not spend extra time in school, rather I take my extra work home and do it after DS is in bed. I am very fortunate to have quite a bit of planning time in my school day as well, so I get a lot done in that time. I also work through lunch.

DH is a teacher, too. We get a few hours to play with DS before his bedtime at 7pm and we get to eat dinner together as a family every night. We both pour our hearts and souls into our jobs by day and spend a good part of the evening doing work for school as well. But the school day is perfect for our time with DS.

And, dh and I are on different term times, so DS gets a lot of holiday at home with us - it amounts to exactly half of the year (he's 2).

Before you ask, I'm waiting for a meeting at the moment and browsing MN busying myself with my iphone for a few minutes while no one else has yet arrived. So excuse any typos as I won't have time to proofread my post Blush