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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teaching isn't compatible with parenting

479 replies

treehugga · 03/04/2011 17:06

So you think there are short days and long holidays, well hollow laugh! Am I the only teaching 'widow'? My DP seems to spend all of his evenings and weekends working, which doesn't make me a smiley mummy this Mother's Day after yet another day of sole childcare while lessons get planned, reports written and whatever-else for the little darlings. Some mitigating points:

  • when he's not working, he's usually great at domestic stuff and for this reason I count myself lucky
  • he is a perfectionist
  • I know one other teacher (who also works ridiculous hours) but maybe he's just avoiding family life.
So, put me straight, am I the only one or are there more?
OP posts:
AbigailS · 03/04/2011 21:27

IMO Teaching full-time is not compatible with parenthood. I cope because my DH is self-employed and can pick up the slack, then in holidays I carry all the load. The pluses are that teachers have the holidays when they can be more flexible with their time and they can go part-time or do supply when children are young, but the negatives are the excessive workload in term time. I have been teaching 20+ years and the workload has gone up considerably in that time. So much more paperwork is expected, schemes of work are changed and new initiatives (not just teaching and curriculum there are community cohesion ones). The majority of mothers in my school and my DCs school work part-time in theory, spending much of their non-teaching days doing school work so they have evenings and weekends free.

Quote from vintageteacups

?wouldn't it just be a whole lot easier if teachers (for all years) had the exact lesson plans word for word telling them what to teach.

You wouldn't get a helicopter pilot being trained and then having to research certain techniques (that might be a crap example) but I know there are lesson plan outlines but if it was the same for every single school and they had to teach it in the same way, then teachers wouldn't have to spend their spare time thinking about how to explain gravity, for example, to their students. It would tell them 'we want you to show them this experiment - once they can do a), b) and c), they will achieved a level (whatever).?

Yes, Vintageteacups, it would be easier to do that, but children are not machines. Assuming the helicopter if working properly you press X button and Y happens every single time. Children are not the same and don?t all learn in the same way. Schemes of work need adapting to build on the learning in the last session or correct misconceptions as you go, rather than steam on into the next lesson because that?s what the scheme says.

I know OP?s DH is not primary like me, but if I did work the hours I do I couldn?t do the job as well as I do, then lessons would be less interesting, and results would slip as I could be responsive to individual children?s needs, I?m always thinking how to help x understand multiplication or what would catch y, a reluctant reader?s attention or how to enthuse a particular group to use more accurate punctuation as I plan each session. If we didn?t work like this we would soon have concerns raised by head / LA and parents.

Choceyes ? you are luck that you can take time off when your children are sick. We have a policy on leave allowing 2 days off per child per illness. The first is paid, the second unpaid. It is the standard LA one and is to protect schools. We do have the scope of additional compassionate leave, but its not given every time your child is sick. It is really frustrating and I can find it really challenging, but the reasoning is to ensure the children at school get the best quality education ? real scenario from a nearby school ? mum of three children teaches a class; the first child gets a bug, so teacher is off for almost two weeks; she then caches it and is off a week; she returns, then DC2 gets it so the teacher is off for another fortnight, towards the end of this time DC goes down with it and the teacher needs another week off to care for this child. That is the best part of a half term, 1/6th of a school year. Schools don?t always have big supply budgets or good quality supply staff available so the class got taught be a series of six different mediocre to satisfactory supply teachers. I must confess if I had had a child in that class I would have been complaining, but what else could the school do?

mitochondria · 03/04/2011 21:36

desperatelyseeking - I am lucky to be in that situation - my husband has a flexible job. He doesn't get paid much, but doesn't have to work hard - no overtime or expectations that he will do any more than his hours, which they have kindly arranged so he can do drop-offs and pick-ups at the boys' primary school.

He does most of the child-wrangling in term time, I am now on holiday so am about to spring-clean the house! If children are sick I am lucky enough to have my parents around, or if they can't do it then husband takes time off. This is usually unpaid, so not ideal - or occasionally he can "work from home while ill boy lies on sofa".

Vintageteacups - that lesson plan thing sounds good but would never work. Each class is different, each pupil is different so you have to tailor your planning accordingly. We do have a scheme for KS3 which technically would allow you to do this, but it would be fairly tedious for all involved.

COCKadoodledooo · 03/04/2011 21:39

-Not read all replies yet disclaimer-

I could have written this. My dh is just the same. He does try not to work weekends, but this means he works ridiculously long evenings/nights and is always fucking knackered.

He has been as miserable as sin today. Happy fucking mothers day.

NessyBay · 03/04/2011 21:54

Mmmm..we are worst case scenario. NO flexibility with us both teaching and NO family support..it is a nightmare when our DCs are ill as goes down like a lead balloon if have no choice but to be home with them.

I have to leave school on the bell to get to DCs by a decent time, then I start working the minute the DCs go to bed by which time it is 13hrs after I went to work...I am knackered but have to do 2-3 hours.

Wouldn't go into teaching again. The holidays are not a perk. They are a necessity after the stress and intensity of term time.

Caz10 · 03/04/2011 21:56

Cockadoodledoo I think that is probably what my DH thinks of me Sad

He is drinking wine and watching a film, I am writing reports...

TheFallenMadonna · 03/04/2011 21:58

They are a marvellous perk. Admittedly, I'm not sure how I'd function without them, but just look at other working couples struggling for childcare in the holidays.

And I love them (one week to go...)

NessyBay · 03/04/2011 22:00

ONE! Two here!! Envy

TheFallenMadonna · 03/04/2011 22:01

And if you didn't teach, you wouldn't be able to leave so early to pick up your children a "a decent time" either. You get a choice to defer your work until the evening as a teacher. If you stayed at school presumably you'd have less to do in the evening.

manicinsomniac · 03/04/2011 22:01

Nessybay - you can't say the holidays aren't a perk. I hate it when people complain about teaching being an easy job and us always being on holiday etc but at the same time, they have a point. Teaching is bloody hard work but we are very well compensated.

NessyBay · 03/04/2011 22:06

Sorry, would happily have same pay 37K/year and 'normal' holidays with less stress. Have had 'normal' jobs and never felt the need for holidays like I do in teaching. Was never on constant countdown to next holiday like I am in teaching because my work/life balance was normal. So I am saying IMO, the holiday are not a perk.

MilaMae · 03/04/2011 22:07

I agree which is why I haven't returned since having the dc.

scottishmummy · 03/04/2011 22:14

is he stretching tasks out?his perfectionism means done to Nth degree. no it doesn't need to be like you describe,esp not 20years in the game.maybe he cant adequately manage time or is using work to be consumed and avoidant of other stuff

Caz10 · 03/04/2011 22:16

Agree, and always spend the first few days ill as my body winds down and suffers from the stress of the term!

The holidays are amazing, and massively helpful with childcare, and I always thought they were what made the job worth it. But recently I have been wondering if "normal" holidays, plus a job where you switched off when you walked out the door, didn't have evening/weekend work etc might actually be more attractive.

thefallenmadonna - I don't really have a choice - have to be home for DH going out to shifts - so work gets done 8pm onwards. Might be easier when DCs are older, I don't know.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/04/2011 22:23

But you have more of a choice than if you were in a job which didn't allow you to "leave on the bell" if that was what you wanted to do. In lots of jobs, if you wanted to leave at 3.30, then you would only be paid part time. For us, we get to defer our work, should we so wish.

FunnysInTheGarden · 03/04/2011 22:25

DH is a teacher and his working at home hours are minimal. He collects the DC and rarely works out of hours, so YABU, and maybe your DH is too much of a perfectionist?

penguin73 · 03/04/2011 22:27

There are so many factors it is hard to generalise - we have a head who loves new ideas and initiatives and there is not a year since I have been there when we have not had to rewrite curriculums/SOWs for every year group to incorporate some new idea or, as in this year, change the materials used and delivery style completely. The majority of my colleagues average 50-60 hour weeks as a norm,either by early starts/work through lunch/late finishes or by taking it home to do once kids are in bed. PPA just about covers marking and 'normal' planning/differentiation if you are lucky; add report writing, revision, intervention, complete rewrites of SOWs,marking exam papers, moderation etc etc and it all soon adds up. And our year changes in June, not Sep so no added bonus of free time once the Y11s leave :(

NessyBay · 03/04/2011 22:28

But I HAVE to leave 'at a decent time' because DH is an Assistant Head and will never ever be able to. In most jobs you can finish at 5/6pm and that is it finished! No starting at 7.30pm again with tomorrows lessons playing on your mind! I worked in industry before teaching and am considering returning if I can. I might pick DCs up 30mins later but I will be less harrased.

NessyBay · 03/04/2011 22:29

FunnysInTheGarden - does he have a TLR?

FunnysInTheGarden · 03/04/2011 22:30

come on folks, we all know that teachers love to whine Grin

FunnysInTheGarden · 03/04/2011 22:31

Nessy what a TLR?

NessyBay · 03/04/2011 22:31

That's good to hear!

Is he P.E.?? Grin!!!

BakeliteBelle · 03/04/2011 22:31

Exactly what full-time frontline jobs ARE compatible with parenthood if both parents are working?

Try full-time nursing: Shift work, including nights, huge stress levels involving life and death and no long holidays.

Sometimes, the higher you go up the greasy pole, the easier it gets because you can dictate your terms a bit more and you get away from the frontline.

NessyBay · 03/04/2011 22:32

Responsibility - HoD, Head of Year etc etc
2-10K on top of pay usually, but NO LIFE!!

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 03/04/2011 22:33

I don't think anyone has claimed to have the hardest job in the world. That is an accolade I would rather not have. This thread was specifically about workload. If you start a thread about the positives of teaching you would see the same people waxing lyrical.

I could do something else. I have done in the past. At the moment I teach because the positives outweigh the negatives. I did work less hours previously for much more money. ( Law) I did not have as much fun though

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 03/04/2011 22:35

I was a partner in a law firm and that was compatible with family life. My husband is an engineer, that is compatible with family life. He gets to work from home, has to travel but very much at his bidding.