Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teaching isn't compatible with parenting

479 replies

treehugga · 03/04/2011 17:06

So you think there are short days and long holidays, well hollow laugh! Am I the only teaching 'widow'? My DP seems to spend all of his evenings and weekends working, which doesn't make me a smiley mummy this Mother's Day after yet another day of sole childcare while lessons get planned, reports written and whatever-else for the little darlings. Some mitigating points:

  • when he's not working, he's usually great at domestic stuff and for this reason I count myself lucky
  • he is a perfectionist
  • I know one other teacher (who also works ridiculous hours) but maybe he's just avoiding family life.
So, put me straight, am I the only one or are there more?
OP posts:
LDNmummy · 05/04/2011 20:28

"Oh LDNmummy I hadn't realised you weren't a teacher! I have smirked"

Goodness you are coming across as dense now Curryspice. Me not actually being a teacher does not mean I cannot comment when I have already stated the fact that the teaching profession plays a big role in my life. That was what this thread was about to begin with, the effect of the DH being a teacher in the OP's life. I essentially live with it everyday.

scottishmummy · 05/04/2011 20:31

you are a touch martyred ldnmummy,you really are. live with what?demands of partner having a professional job.aye most of us do that

next

atthecarwash · 05/04/2011 20:32

I know exactly what you mean
teaching and being parent are not very compatible apart from the school holidays.

You can't take them to school/ pick them up. You have to be at school at 8 and leave at 6 no flexi time here.
I had to quit my teaching job for the sake of my family and for my sanity, but I did love it and will go back to it when dcs have left home!

FunnyBumbleBee · 05/04/2011 20:36

googoomama and abigails- I'm a teacher too! So you've now heard of one school where you can take time off for things for your DC as long as you're not taking the p and going out all the time!

LDNmummy · 05/04/2011 20:37

"you are a touch martyred ldnmummy,you really are. live with what?demands of partner having a professional job.aye most of us do that"

But is that what I said scottishmummy? Did I say I was hard done by or was I saying that I understood what the teaching profession was about enough to comment on it because it is part of my life? Genuine question BTW, did I actually say I was hard done by???

FunnyBumbleBee · 05/04/2011 20:39

Funnybumblebee - you do make me smile. Not a chance that I could get time off for school sports day or even nativity play. What do you think we do all day? Babysit?

As I just said, I teach too, and people in my school are allowed time for these things within reason. And I am fairly sure not many people think we are babysitters... not sure whether it's necessary to be that patronising either...

LDNmummy · 05/04/2011 20:39

Looks to me like you and Curryspice just popped on here to have a dig at any teachers or spouses who dare complain about the demands of the job.

AbigailS · 05/04/2011 20:41

Wow! You are lucky FunnyBumbleBee. How is your class covered? I live in hope of getting to a nativity or sports day before they leave primary, so any suggestions I can use to persuade our head would be useful.
PS - Sorry OP for hijacking your thread.

jzhmum · 05/04/2011 20:43

my DH a deputy teacher and i love it. He does his work in evenings while i read or watch telly...he always is done by 9ish. He always helps me with youngest while i do other 3 kids. Holidays he is hands on and i get a small break from the washing machine lol xxx

FunnyBumbleBee · 05/04/2011 20:43

I work in secondary so maybe it's different with cover? Normally we just get a colleague to say they'll do it as a favour but in the absence policy there is a right to have up to 5 weeks unpaid parental leave. It has to be applied for 21 days in advance I think. It is supposed to be unpaid but my head is pretty nice so she'd probably let it go as a one off. Also, sometimes these things coincide with assemblies etc which we can usually get out of!

scottishmummy · 05/04/2011 20:43

habitually referring to workload,knife in class,undervalued,living with it daily is all v put upon in tone and sentiment,naturally you do live alongside teaching as your dp is teacher. i do think this does not make you an impartial commentator

NessyBay · 05/04/2011 20:44

'If they'd leave the bloody syllabus alone for more than a couple of years at a time it would help'

I SO AGREE..it is doing my head in the amount of change overnight in Science we are expected to be able to magically cope with

echt · 05/04/2011 20:45

I see the diggers are incapable of responding to the OP.

OP isn't saying other jobs are bliss for parents, just that the widely-perceived advantages for teachers, are, in her experience, not true.
Responses about the relative shitness of other jobs are beside the point.

For once, it's one of those threads which are best answered only by those who are teachers or live/married to one.

AbigailS · 05/04/2011 20:48

Ah! That's the difference and why our requests are declined. Primary doesn't have a colleague spare to do it and it would need a supply teacher to replace me (£££!). I do get PPA, but we are supposed to stay in school and it's never been on a day that matches my kids' events. I did try and organise a PPA swap last year, but with the logistics of how we cover PPA it wouldn't work even if I had permission from head.

NessyBay · 05/04/2011 20:48

indeed echt.

LDNmummy · 05/04/2011 20:49

Ok, because apparently you now have decided I have no life outside of my DP's teaching profession to be able to have a balanced view?

So disagreeing with you means that I am partial, not that I have formed an opinion Hmm

And I do not habitually refer to thos things, it was relevant to the point I was making so refered to it twice (the knife incident). I was outlining the realities of being a teacher in a demanding inner city secondary school, not being a martyr. And yes, the workload was the whole point of this thread to begin with, so why wouldn't I mention it?

You still have not specifically answered whether I actually said I was hard done by. Obviously you are just choosing to see what you want in my posts.

scottishmummy · 05/04/2011 20:52

rubbish.do you mean only a sycophantic reception to any teaching woes?

so lets get this clear,you suggest one can only directly comment on a profession (eg teaching) if
1.actually a teacher

  1. married to or shacked up with one

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! so on any health visitor/gp/sw (all popular mn useless gitsr jobs) one can only comment if
1.actually a gp/hv/sw

  1. married to or shacked up with one

haha dont make me laugh,this is so precious.dont say any widdle thing against teachers

FunnyBumbleBee · 05/04/2011 20:53

I do think it sounds like primary teaching is less flexible than secondary- probably similar amounts of work evened out across the year, but secondary there is more you can do at home. I might be wrong, I've never done primary!

LDNmummy · 05/04/2011 20:53

Scottishmummy and *curyyspice can you explain to me where your views on the teaching profession have come from?

Genuine non sarcastic question BTW. I am curious to find out, especially as curryspice felt she could smirk because I am not a teacher myself though my DP and several close friends are.

FlaminGreatGallah · 05/04/2011 20:56

I returned to my teaching job (and old-stylee OFSTED) after maternity leave when DD was two months old. Shortly afterwards I had to kick exH into touch. I missed every first year milestone and the "second shift" almost killed me. I didn't get to bed before two in the morning and rarely had time to cook a decent meal for myself. This was over ten years ago.

The crunch came when I was told that I must attend a twelve-week course which took place on Saturdays. Or risk losing my job. I had no help from family and didn't particularly want to pay a child-minder for an unpaid course so I told them to fuck off and that I needed to spend some time with my young DD.

I'm not sure if my particular circumstances made it so difficult or if it is easier now. Just adding my experience.

scottishmummy · 05/04/2011 20:59

reread my posts i said teaching is demanding valuable job,just not the only demanding job in the world.as i said it isnt a who has it hardest competition.teaching has excellent t&C. so no dont paraphrase this as i deride teachers- i dont.i just dont think they have it hardest or teaching is necessarily incompatible with family life

most jobs encroach on family life,not just teaching

LDNmummy · 05/04/2011 21:01

Um... that still does not answer my questions scottishmummy.

And I never said teaching was the only job to encroach on family life so please do not put words in my mouth. That is exactly what i mean when I say it seems you are seeing what you want to see in my posts as opposed to what is actaully written.

scottishmummy · 05/04/2011 21:03

yes,it does.not to your exact spec perhaps but you have an answer

LDNmummy · 05/04/2011 21:05

My questions were for you to tell me where I said I was hard done by as the partner of a teacher and where your views on teaching come from (as in what is your personal experience's of the teaching profession as we all know mine)?

You have not answered either of these questions in that post. Confused

scottishmummy · 05/04/2011 21:06

yes you have had answers,are you struggling to paraphrase them?