Teaching isn't compatible with parenting

[treehugga]

So you think there are short days and long holidays, well hollow laugh! Am I the only teaching 'widow'? My DP seems to spend all of his evenings and weekends working, which doesn't make me a smiley mummy this Mother's Day after yet another day of sole childcare while lessons get planned, reports written and whatever-else for the little darlings. Some mitigating points:

• when he's not working, he's usually great at domestic stuff and for this reason I count myself lucky
• he is a perfectionist
• I know one other teacher (who also works ridiculous hours) but maybe he's just avoiding family life.

So, put me straight, am I the only one or are there more?

you just cant stop yourself ldnmummy, the yes yes other job hard too but but teachers desal with knifes/alien abductions/mayhem... we can all regale each other with scary anecdotes of underpaid jobs...housing officer anyone? but still doesnt mean teachers are only employees who have it hard

I was actually talking not just about teaching but other public sector jobs where you deal with members of the public one on one such as nursing.

And as I said, NO, teachers are not the only one's who gave it hard, but I take offence to the idea that talking about is somehow construed as moaning and exoecting to be exhalted. Can it not just be expressing how tedious a job can be?

Why can't teachers talk about the drawbacks of their job without being shut down for it.

have it hard, not gave it hard lol!

but you're not a teacher!bit like me wringing hands about paramedics job

The OP came on here to ask about the demanding nature of her husbands schedule, amd when other teachers commented about it you get people jumping up and down saying "how dare you, we all work hard". FFS, does being a teacher mean you relinquish the right to talk about how difficult your job can be?

admirable you fervently support dh teacher ldnmummy,but you are a bit of a monomaniac on this.i fear you not impartial

FunnyBumbleBee "But a teacher can take an afternoon off for their own children's sports day if they want to." No chance ...
Me saying "sorry kids, not teaching you this afternoon, just off to watch my DC's sports day!" Hmmm! Doesn't cut it with the head, governors or parents here or at any school I know of. Schools won't pay supply cover close to £100 per half day as I swan off and asking for an unpaid day when it doesn't fall under our leave policy is also a no-go.
I'm not saying teachers are the only job that works hard, but I am saying it's not as flexible as people think. You can't take a day's holiday to take DC to her ballet exam, to the dentists or to get the boiler fixed like some jobs. Unless you are ill you are contracted to work the directed time (i.e. every day in term time).
IMO the difference between teaching and some non-teaching jobs is the intensity during term time, then less workload and more flexiblity in holidays.

This is OP. Er, don't know if I dare re-enter this thread as it has got quite scary intense here. Just thought you might all be glad to hear that I'm not feeling quite as grumpy as I was on Sunday when I posted.

Glad to hear there are some other teaching 'widows' out there, and also impressed by all you teachers who don't work ridiculous hours as well as those who say it's the only way to do a good job. Hope that's diplomatic.

After reading all these through I think DP is going to keep working this crazy way (despite the high blood pressure thing) and probably I just have to get used to it. We have just come out of 2 years where he was at a new school, new HOD job and new exam boards so there was a heck of a lot of extra preparation as he scorns pre-made resources, and all that is getting lighter now we're through the 2 yr A-level cycle. However, it does seem like there's always something new that the school requests (eg this year changing his timetable from 5 teaching sessions per week/group to 4, so had to teach in less time and re-tweak resources). And during the day all his frees are taken with supporting his team, or time with students/calling & writing to parents.

I'm impressed so many teachers talk about working 'just' 2 hours after school on weekdays, but there's no way I'd do that in my also-stressful job (I did for a while, pre DCs, but now I'm too knackered) and I loathe the inflexibility of teaching, eg last week when DD was ill then I was too so I missed a whole week of work and he went to work every day. Then when I was wiped at the weekend he had to work.

Finally, on holidays loads of people here agree that's the perk. It is essential for our family life as we see so much more of him & he relaxes, but he still works a big chunk of it, even in the summer. It'll be interesting to see if this year is any different what with DC2 on his/her way in August.

Finally finally, I think I've at last realised that I have got to get used to it somehow, as the school cycle is going to ruin run my life for the foreseeable future, and the fact that the 3 weeks before holiday time is hell, is probably something I've just got to grin and bear. Maybe I should just book him into a TravelLodge for these patches so there's no expectation he'll be around.

No but my DP and about ten of our close friends are. I live with it daily and see what it is like.

Just a thought-why do teachers moan so much? Because the arguments as to why they shouldn't seem pretty plausible. So why then? There's either something very strange about them or there might be something, however illogical and indefinable that genuinely makes teaching stand out tough. Just interested because I don't really know because I haven't done anything else.

Almost like the whole in teaching, stress wise is more than the sum of its parts suggests.

fact your dh as teacher clouds your ability to do anything other than ferverently defend it and tout its worse case scenario (knife anyone?) as indicative of all teaching. many jobs have extremes and worse case scenario that one could cite

teaching is hard,demanding with good T&C,esp the holidays which mean less hassle and expense locating and paying for holiday childcare

OP - glad you are feeling calmer about the whole thing.
To be honest, there will never be a time when there isn't something extra to prepare. If they'd leave the bloody syllabus alone for more than a couple of years at a time it would help.

Oh LDNmummy I hadn't realised you weren't a teacher! I have smirked :o

Nobody said "how dare you!" for goodness sakes. Some of us just pointed out that other people work long hours too. You took this as saying we think all teachers are crap! Nobody said this. Nobody implied it. You took it like that

Funnybumblebee - you do make me smile. Not a chance that I could get time off for school sports day or even nativity play. What do you think we do all day? Babysit? Costs school £100 for a morning's supply cover to let me go to one of my boys' things. Hence I'm not allowed to go. Had to apply for governor's permission to go to my grandma's funeral :(

Lookandlearn - I don't moan. Unless people tell me my job is easy, having had no experience of it. Then I get a bit irked. I do actually enjoy it, otherwise I'd do something else.

Googoomama - I think it depends on your school. I was allowed to go to my grandma's funeral, and to nativity play. Sports day - I didn't ask, as I thought that might be pushing my luck, and I am very fortunate to have grandparents available as stand-ins on these occasions.

This is also the worst time of year to ask about teacher work/life balance. I'm full time ENglish teacher with ds under 2. From now until exams it's a constant cycle of marking/practice/marking. It's a good job I've done the job for years, because there's no chance of any planning getting done. I've got 5 exams classes and it's nuts.

The payback comes in June when 2 of my classes will leave - but then it's lower school and form tutor reports.

I know for a fact that I can't work like I used to. I make better use of the time I do have - every second of my ppa time is utilised. I generally have baby time when I get home, then start work again after he's in bed. If I'm really battling, then I give up the weekend swim or ask DH to take DS off for a while. Afternoon naps are a godsend.

Holidays aren't always going to be cut and dried though - primary school often ahve different holidays to secondary, and it's compounded by me working in ENgland and living in wales (where ds will go to school).

Juggling the above and being pregnant again is a frigging nightmare.

I live in fear of yet more bloody syllabus change - especially A level - becuse it's not just a case of re-jigging; it's about learning new criteria and reading (often) new bloody books!

Right, off to do TEsco online. [buzzy buzzy multi-tasking smiley]

And that's ok - I'm just making the point that a teaching job is as inflexible as many others. Just because we deal with kids doesn't mean it's all nicey nicey. And headteachers may be lovely and smiley in front of the parents but behind the staffroom doors most of them are...well...driven would be the best word for it. My head gets in at 7am, leaves after 6.30 and is in both Saturday and Sunday. Last week she said to me "People keep complaining about work life balance. Don't they realise that in order to do a good job, I need blood! I'm not interested in work life balance!!!!"
Er...ok...just got to go home now. It's 5.30 and I've got 2 kids to look after on my own. But I promise I'll give as much blood as I can!

Scottishmummy it is not just DP I support but all good teachers. I say good because rubbish teachers do exist and they don't take their jobs seriously and don't work that hard.

I habe been working for eight years, not very long but have done a wide range of jobs. Waitressing (bleurgh), behind a bar, secretary, admin, retail (bleurgh), customer service assistant, call centre assistant, personal assistant etc... Usually service jobs working with the public. My close family members consist of doctors, lawyers, businessmen, mental health workers, cleaners etc...

Everyone one of them works hard. But teachers much like members of the medical profession and other publuc sector workers, are undervalued. It is not that I am partial, but just that I think it is unfair to get at teachers for talking about the drawbacks to the job.

Mitochondria - yeah, my head is probably at one end of the spectrum. And I'm a single mum of two boys 4 and 7 - no help from grandparents.
I do love teaching though. The kids are great and I'm good at my job. Don't mind the work really either. Just hate it when people think they know about teaching because they've been to school and people who think that we are glorified babysitters, or that the marking just consists of putting a few random ticks in a book! I think that if most people spent one day teaching they might understand what a multi-faceted job it is. And I use to work in industry, so I do have experience of other professions.

Despite loving my job, yes, I do moan sometimes. I think it's when I get frustrated that people see us as having it easy; only working 8.45 -3pm; all those lovely long holidays to lounge around and do no work...! And when you have one of those days where all parents do is moan about us ; times when no matter what we do we have people complaining (too much homework / not enough homework, not stretching my child / pushing my child too hard); days when no matter what we do we are "bad and wrong" just because we are teachers; days when parents shout at me, swear at me and physically threaten me. Yes it's a cushy number. Not.
But there are also so many positives that make it pure joy; when a child finally "gets it"; the look on their faces as we look at bugs under our computer microscope; when I look at start of the year work vs yesterday's writing and see how far they've come. That's what keeps me in the job, despite the impact on my family life (and the fact we need the money as OH is self-employed)

Of course there are plusses to teaching, I do not only "tout" the negative aspects. DP knew how difficult it would be but finds it rewarding enough to have wanted to be a teacher for as long as he can remember. DP has so much pride in seeing his students achievements and growth both educationally and personally for instance, and that is a definite plus if there was any.

yes,vocational satisfaction and holidays are teaching rewards ldnmummy

googoomama, your HT sounds like a horrific manager, but again that is not unique to the teaching profession, you can get horrible managers who want blood in any job.

To add some balance, in our experience teaching is very compatable with family life. OH sees far more of us and is far happier than when he worked in industry. Not all teachers moan - OH loves his job and fully appreciates the T&Cs as he has 10 years work experience in the private sector as a comparison