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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teaching isn't compatible with parenting

479 replies

treehugga · 03/04/2011 17:06

So you think there are short days and long holidays, well hollow laugh! Am I the only teaching 'widow'? My DP seems to spend all of his evenings and weekends working, which doesn't make me a smiley mummy this Mother's Day after yet another day of sole childcare while lessons get planned, reports written and whatever-else for the little darlings. Some mitigating points:

  • when he's not working, he's usually great at domestic stuff and for this reason I count myself lucky
  • he is a perfectionist
  • I know one other teacher (who also works ridiculous hours) but maybe he's just avoiding family life.
So, put me straight, am I the only one or are there more?
OP posts:
amerryscot · 03/04/2011 17:07

I teach full-time and manage fairly well.

scurryfunge · 03/04/2011 17:10

Is he coping with the role? -working excessively at home should not dominate. Teachers do have to do have to plan, etc but it doesn't usually impact on every evening and weekend. He may be just crap at organising things.

pippitysqueakity · 03/04/2011 17:10

You are not wrong. My job (teaching!) removes me from more family life than I care to remember. Yes, the holidays are great, not all spent holidaying tho'. But other jobs probably the same...

bluerodeo · 03/04/2011 17:10

it is, but I have a few years under my belt now.

you have my sympathies tho
am sure loads of people will come over and bash the profession now....just wait for it

Shakirasma · 03/04/2011 17:10

YANBU. My dad is a retired teacher and I get really riled when people say its a cushy number. Our home life was very much as you describe yours.

JoBettany · 03/04/2011 17:12

I teach full time and I am now a single parent. I have to manage. I work when my DS is in bed. However, I have many years of experience so manage my time fairly well.

I certainly work hard but time with my DS is my priority.

Hulababy · 03/04/2011 17:14

I left teaching when DD was about 3y as I realised that it wasn't that flexible when it came to having a family as well, even when teaching part time.

I could never just do a half hearted job and couldn't manage to fit in enough hours to do the job as well as I wanted.

Original poster
treehugga · 03/04/2011 17:15

Let me add, he's not NQT, he's been teaching for 20 years and was made Hd of dept 3 yrs ago which coincided with us having our first child. The dept is going really well and he has good colleagues & team. I really respect the high quality of work he does and his commitment, but I just want it to stay in its box a bit more. I also really worry about the stress he brings home and the impact that'll have as he already has high blood pressure, which I hear is v common in teachers.

OP posts:
desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 03/04/2011 17:16

I think it depends on your subject and the time of year. When year 11-13 leave I enter easy street.

But this time of year is mad. I had to send my family out today without me as I had so much to do. But I do get holidays when I do very little.

Vallhala · 03/04/2011 17:16

I dare you to go onto the Home Ed board and tell them that!

Journey · 03/04/2011 17:16

I don't think he is coping with his workload. He is taking it to the extreme. I think he needs to learn to prioritise. His time management seems non-existent.

worraliberty · 03/04/2011 17:17

If you live in England or Wales he should have PPA time surely?

Hulababy · 03/04/2011 17:17

Vallhalla - home ed for one or two children is very different to school teaching where you have classes of 30 to plan, deliver and assess for. I am sure they'd know that only too well.

Original poster
treehugga · 03/04/2011 17:18

And he's very well organised too, so I don't think that's it. It just seems like a heck of a lot of work!

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 03/04/2011 17:18

If he is Head of Department then he really needs to learn how to delegate or ask for help.

activate · 03/04/2011 17:19

it's not the profession it's the man

he's a workaholic

happens to many people men and women alike

pointydog · 03/04/2011 17:19

You can always do more and more and more. You need to make yourself switch off, take a few short cuts.

MumToTheBoy · 03/04/2011 17:22

I teach full time and still manage to be home with my son by 5pm most days. I use my lunchtimes and an hour after school to keep on top of daily organisation etc and have an afternoon a week out of class to plan, prepare, etc.

I also spend about 4-5 hours a week at home on my laptop, much much less than in my previous job, where I could spend 20+ hours working at home each week. It depends totally on the school, the other staff you work with, whether it's a 1 or 2 form entry (2 form for me has meant sharing the planning) etc.

I have also found that working for heads who have no children of their own meant a greater demand on my own time, whereas I am now working for a head who does have young children and repects the need for a home life!

NessyBay · 03/04/2011 17:22

I teach and so does DH. IT IS LIKE THAT for all teachers if they are doing their job properly.

DH does 60-70hrs every week, I'm just 3 days but still cannot get everything done in less than 40hrs.

It bloody pisses us off when people think we have short hours - long hours and exhausting too.

Shakirasma · 03/04/2011 17:23

Or maybe he is a committed teacher who takes seriously the quality of education for YOUR children [sceptical]

JoBettany · 03/04/2011 17:23

Yes, high blood pressure is common. Like any profession, stress has to be managed in a sensible way. As a PT or HofD the stresses are greater but should not be unmanagable.

A certain amount of family time should be sacrosanct. Hobbies and time to relax are also vital for reducing stress levels. Over tired and over stressed people do not work at their optimum level.

A walk to the park may take 45 minutes out of his day but could be very beneficial. However your DH has to want to do this - which is usually the most difficult part.

scurryfunge · 03/04/2011 17:24

I left teaching because I was bored and didn't have enough to do.

Wink
NessyBay · 03/04/2011 17:25

As an ex-Head of Dept, trust me, that job is one of the worst in the school The workload & stress is relentless

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 03/04/2011 17:26

I agree that the more tired and stressed you become the slower you work. Not sure how you can avoid it but it is true.

warzone · 03/04/2011 17:27

HoDs have far more work to do than the rest of us. That's why they get paid more. That's why I don't want to be a HoD.

I teach full time. I tend to stay at school until 6pm getting all my planning and marking done. I don't bring any work home if I can help it. Only when certain deadlines are looming and I'm a bit behind, will I very occasionally bring something home.

I think having the same holidays as school age DC is the overwhelming advantage. Other than that, it's the same balancing act as any other high pressure job.