to tell DH his mother's day efforts are crap

[lurcherlover]

My first mother's day (DS is 5 months)...I have received a card and a novelty wine glass saying "No.1 Mum". I am in a sulk because:

1. He knows I don't like tat that clutters up the house. How can he think I would appreciate an oversized, pink striped wine glass?
2. I'm breastfeeding so hardly drinking at the moment anyway.
3. All I wanted was a card and a bunch of flowers - how did he not think to get flowers?
4. He hasn't even thought to get anything in for lunch so I've just sent him off to Tesco.

Can I sulk or am I being childish? Well, I know I am a bit, but surely his efforts have been pretty feeble...

You're not DH's mother. These things are meaningless until the dcs are big enough to do something themselves. I would (and do) treasure the cards and pressies that dd made me herself at nursery/school. A card from a guilt tripped dh does not hold a fraction of the same value. At least he remembered.

He remembered, he tried, he got you something you can keep...

You can bet that, somewhere right now, there is a mother on the phone to her friend or sister saying, "Flowers! I mean, FGS, flowers. I can't eat flowers. And they'll die in three days. What did he get those for? Stupid sod."

Of course, the only purpose of Mothers' Day is to "let men off the hook", as we are told elsewhere this morning

And I don't think the OP is being unreasonable, just because some men are apparently even less thoughtful.

YABU

At least he remembered.

I suppose it depends how you were brought up by your own mother.

Mine, you see, brought me up to smile and say thank you and be grateful for any present anyone gives you, and be glad you have anything at all. "It's the thought that counts."

Some other people's obviously brought them up to be more me-me-me about it.

Yabu, your Dh is not your child and does not have to give you anything, or did I get the concept really wrong?

More and more I am wondering about the point of "make an effort for our other halves on mothers/fathers day so show them we appreciate how good they are as a mother or father and that we are glad they are."

IMHO, people should show their appreciation of other family members on a continuous bases, not because someone decided it would be more appropriate do do it on 1 set day in the year.

I'm going to stop clicking these threads, all the whinging and whining is messing with my happy feelings.
Make a list the week before of what you want to happen.
Remind them on a daily basis, linking it to their birthdays, activities you facilitate and whatever.
Then check they've done what you asked on the day, with sanctions if they have failed to meet their targets.

Or just think of whether they are nice to you for the other 364 days of the year and work on that instead.

YABU!!!!!

'IMHO, people should show their appreciation of other family members on a continuous bases, not because someone decided it would be more appropriate do do it on 1 set day in the year.'

x-post. [smille]

Dp at work today, just reminded him it's mothers day for me too, no card nada, he then got in a right strop with me, like it was my fault he'd forgotten!

YABU. Another one who agrees with Worral. An effort has been made - I'm sure if he'd bought flowers, you would have been hacked off because they will wilt and this is your first Mother's Day...or something. Try to cheer up and smile, please, don't be all sulky on your first Mother's Day!

"IMHO, people should show their appreciation of other family members on a continuous bases, not because someone decided it would be more appropriate do do it on 1 set day in the year."

I completely agree gorionine!

YABU and ungrateful!

So you don't think his gift is tasteful enough? Maybe you should have told him exactly what you wanted.

And breastfeeding doesn't mean you can't have a glass of wine anyway.

Is there a law that forbids to put orage juice in a wine glass?

Poor bloke must be a nervous wreck at Christmas.....

Ref the 'yabu - it's the thought that counts' comments, i think the OPs point was that she was hurt because her DP had given so little thought into what she might like. Fwiw, i find it a bit hurtful when i get a present from someone close to me who's approach to present buying is clearly, ' i couldn't be arsed to think about it so i bought the first piece of misc consumer tat i came across, and a card. Now praise me.' I say thankyou all the same, but it's hurtful.

YABU - be grateful - at least he tried ffs

childish,petty,spoiled and ungrateful

i used to hope for amazing gifts that the husband had come up with all by himself and i was dissapointed every time. now i tell him what i want in advance. not very romatic but i don't think men are programmed to know what we will like even if they spent the whole year thinking about it! at leased he tried even if he did get it abit wrong. next year get your order in for what you would like!!! lol

lurch lover it has taken years of training, dh family don't do cards, kick him up the backside tell him how you feel, you are right to feel let down, he was thoughtless but don't let it spoil ur day, treat yourself tomorrow, then begin gift boot camp. he is an adult an a little effort wouldn't go a
miss

If you dont like 'tat' just you wait until your ds starts bringing home ' works of art from nursery or school .....It is obliagtory to display them ......
I think you are being rather petty ......

YANBU

gorionine and goblin of course we should be nice to one another throughout the whole year nobody is saying otherwise, but lives are busy and it is very easy to take family for granted, so it is ( imo) nice to have a day that you can stop and take the time do make sure they realise how much you mean to them.

I know what you mean about the flowers. Flowers are the traditional mothers day gift after all. I was quite pissed off with dh yesterday when he revealed he hadn't had time to get any. Happily he rectified this
My thread from yesterday is exactly like this one though - full of people with severe sense of humour failure all busily beating themselves on the chest about how being a MOTHER is single greatest honour of your life (which it is obviously) and thus material things provided by husbands etc are of absolutely no account. It's all a bit mummy martyr for my taste.

But sofaqueenie- he didn't really try- that's the point. It was the lack of thought in the gift that the OP is disappointed with.

And 'tat' the children have made is not in the same category at all, as some crappy gift the OP's H has purchased by running into Clintons for 5 minutes. All mums appreciate gifts their children have made them- that doesn't excuse their husbands buying thoughtless consumer tat.

I'm amazed by how little people expect from their husbands/partners on mumsnet. I don't want big gestures or lots of £££ being spent. But I do expect my H to act with a little thought and consideration as to what I'd like. (And I'll return the consideration on Father's Day). My H has bought me some flowers and a DVD I mentioned in passing a few weeks ago I'd like to watch. It was thoughtful because he remembered that. No, I'm not his mum. But I am the mother of his children who at 5 and 3 aren't able to buy anything themselves. I got a lie-in and my H is making lunch. He's going to take the children to the park this afternoon so I have a bit of time to read my book by myself. Lovely.