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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want relatives with cold sores kissing our baby.

111 replies

chrispt · 02/04/2011 23:46

I asked my wife whether we should talk to her sister about kissing DS. She does a playful kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss all over him which makes him laugh. she never kisses him when cold sores are showing but i know you can catch them without a visible outbreak.

Am i being unreasonable to not want my son to be afflicted with this?
Am i being unreasonable to not want to catch an STI from my own son?!?

Argh!

OP posts:
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 23:48

YANBU, cold sores can be extremely dangerous if caught by a baby

hardhatdonned · 02/04/2011 23:48

Cold sores are not an STI so on that YABU

but YANBU to not want your SIL kissing DS when she is having an active outbreak which it sounds like she already does.

Ok so i am now confused as to your issue.

UnfortunateUsername · 02/04/2011 23:49

Are you saying you don't want her to kiss your DS when she doesn't have a cold sore?

If so, YABU.

5inthebed · 02/04/2011 23:50

Cold sores aren't a STI! Good grief.

YANBU to not want your DS to be kissed by someone who has a coldsore, and you've already said that she doesn't kiss him when she has one.

I am prone to coldsores when stressed or due on, and I don't kiss my DC when I can feel one coming on. I'm pretty sure your SIL is the same.

Tsil · 02/04/2011 23:50

So you don't want your SIL to kiss your DS at all, ever?

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 23:53

That's just plain weird.

If you or your or wife ever had a cold sore in your life, would you never kiss your child? Confused

I suffer from cold sores. I would never dream of kissing my kids if I had one.

But when I don't...of course I kiss them and none of the 3 of them have ever had one (eldest is 19)

Original poster
chrispt · 02/04/2011 23:55

Cold sores are an STI. it's herpes, it's the same virus, it's just the outbreak is on the face.

Is anybody in a similar situation? Have any parents who suffer from it managed to keep their own children from catching it?

Maybe im just being over protective but it makes me cringe every time.

OP posts:
Original poster
chrispt · 02/04/2011 23:56

x post

OP posts:
HaggisNeepsnTatties · 02/04/2011 23:58

I have suffered from cold sores pretty much most of my life. My two dds have never suffered BECAUSE I act responsibly when I suffer an outbreak.

MillyR · 03/04/2011 00:00

YANBU. It is not right to put a child at risk of catching the herpes virus. It is contagious even if the person is not showing any symptoms.

worraliberty · 03/04/2011 00:01

It's not just an STI though is it Hmm

Would you stop having unprotected sex with your wife because she got thrush after a period or a course of anti biotics?

KatieMiddleton · 03/04/2011 00:01

You are ignorant. Do you even know what STI stands for?

HaggisNeepsnTatties · 03/04/2011 00:03

millyR - if that's the case why don't my dds have them?

Tsil · 03/04/2011 00:03

I've had coldsores since I was 18 I have been with my DH for 8 years, I never kiss him when I show symptoms and he has never caught the virus from kissing at other times.

hardhatdonned · 03/04/2011 00:03

You're a fool OP

Biscuit
petisa · 03/04/2011 00:03

they are two different types of herpes

it's fine to kiss a baby if you don't have a cold sore at that moment, but not if you have one or feel a tingle. is that what you mean? or do you not want her to kiss your baby at all? Confused

i suffered badly for many years from cold sores and in fact i'm almost blind in one eye because of the herpes virus, which attacked my cornea every year as a child and left awful scarring. I could have been left almost blind if it had passed to my other eye. so i understand your fears. however, i haven't had a cold sore in years now and do kiss my children, of course! they haven't shown any signs of getting one.

maybe you could find a way to gently remind your sil not to kiss them even when she feels a tingle but nothing has appeared yet? though i imagine she would never do this!

HipHopopotomus · 03/04/2011 00:04

I sympathise op. I've never had them but have friends who have the virus . I believe it's with you for life once you catch them. So no I don't think YABU. But perhaps talk with SIL - she is hopefully very aware of when they are coming on and wouldn't kiss babies/kids etc then? Certainly not unreasonable to want to protect your baby from them though.

iwantadogbutarabbitwoulddo · 03/04/2011 00:07

If i got cold sores i wouldn't go kissing other people's babies. Ever.

What if they did catch it from you?

With mine id just wait until outbreak was over. That's all you can do.

Tsil · 03/04/2011 00:09

I want - the op doesn't want her kissing his DS ever not just during an outbreak, whic she doesn't do anyway

Thornykate · 03/04/2011 00:10

I know someone who's baby got a mouthful of coldsores & was quite poorly after his daddy kissed him; the dad didnt know he himself was developing a cold sore at the time but came out with one around the same time the baby got sick so they knew it was from the dad :(

sprinkles77 · 03/04/2011 00:10

cold sores in the mouth can be caused by the same virus as genital herpes. this does not make them an sti. they are only catching when a sore is present (from the time a blister forms until it is 100% healed). herpes in the eye can cause blindness, and can track up the optic nerve to the brain. this is very very rare and unlikely. But better safe than sorry. a first time infection of herpes can cause a severe and painful infection in the mouth )primary herpetic gingivo stomatitis) making feeding / drinking impossible and sometimes needing hospital treatment. Not worth the risk.

MillyR · 03/04/2011 00:11

HNT - luck.

cremedelacreme · 03/04/2011 00:12

My mum developed herpes virus after being kissed my a relative who had a cold sore and it caused her painful problems until her late 30s, at which time a solution was developed to help the symptoms. I can still picture the terrible lumps and swelling, and her having to paint solution on her lips that hurt so much she cried. So, YANBU at worrying that something could be passed on but, with a bit more info and a nice chat with your SIL, I'm sure you can get reassurance that she'll act appropriately (ie. no kissing if she can feel a cold sore coming on).

cremedelacreme · 03/04/2011 00:12

'by' a relative!

HaggisNeepsnTatties · 03/04/2011 00:14

MillyR - are you a doctor?