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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want relatives with cold sores kissing our baby.

111 replies

chrispt · 02/04/2011 23:46

I asked my wife whether we should talk to her sister about kissing DS. She does a playful kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss all over him which makes him laugh. she never kisses him when cold sores are showing but i know you can catch them without a visible outbreak.

Am i being unreasonable to not want my son to be afflicted with this?
Am i being unreasonable to not want to catch an STI from my own son?!?

Argh!

OP posts:
psychoveggie · 03/04/2011 09:13

Yabu. I suffer from cold sores as does my mum, but my sister, brother, dad, son, and husband have never caught the virus. As others have said, if you are not having an outbreak then there's no reason not to kiss. It's NOT an sti.

electra · 03/04/2011 09:14

YANBU - cold sores are a virus which once caught, keep recurring at different times.

petisa · 03/04/2011 09:16

thumbwitch that sounds awful Sad I was v lucky I only got it in one eye and have very good vision in the other eye. Plus I have never suffered from anything else, hardly ever get cold sores these days and am in rude heath and hardly even get a cold. So not so bad in the grand scheme of things.

charmum3 · 03/04/2011 09:28

chrispt i suffer from coldsores and am always kiss kiss kissing my three munchkins, its you ds you are right to be protective just relax a little. no outbreak very very very low risk if any of passing this on, so no YANBU just cautious, but be careful if you raise the subject with wife, you could be opening a whole can of worms , incidently none of mine have ever had a coldsorex

charmum3 · 03/04/2011 09:30

ps it is techicaly an sti .its herpes simplex, on the face, herpes complex on the genitalia(same virus different strains)

thumbwitch · 03/04/2011 09:35

It is NOT a bloody STI in most cases! SEXUALLY transmitted infection - the clue is in the name - you do not have SEX to transfer Herpes simplex, and since the majority of people will catch it from a family member (usually parent to child) it is ridiculous to call it STI.

BlueAmy · 03/04/2011 09:36

Oh dear. YABU. It's like you think SIL wants to infect DS, which I'm positive she doesn't. Just bloody charming to treat her so badly.

BlueAmy · 03/04/2011 09:36

And yes, those of you who keep calling it an STI, it isn't. So just stop sensationalising. You are justifying the OP's silly paranoia, which really isn't helping.

LoveBeingKnockedUp · 03/04/2011 09:40

It's not a STD, but it's the same family like onions and leeks.

My dd 3 has not got it cause I use patches I would be mortified forever if I gave it to her. I got them fromy dad. They cannot be passed on unless she is having an attack.

Does she have kids?

EricNorthmansMistress · 03/04/2011 09:47

MillyR - you cannot be tested for herpes by the way, unless you have an active outbreak. You will never know if you carry it.

fragola · 03/04/2011 10:12

ENM, you can also have a blood test which can identify if you have the antibodies to the virus.

petisa · 03/04/2011 10:31

btw my intention on this thread has not been to scaremonger, just wanted to make people aware of potential risks. apologies if i have freaked anyone out!

fragola, if you have the antibodies does that mean you never have an outbreak? can they be passed on to your children?

EricNorthmansMistress · 03/04/2011 10:44

If you have the virus then antibodies will be present but they can only detect them soon after you are infected. If you were infected more than a year ago they would not be able to detect antibodies.

fragola · 03/04/2011 12:41

IgM antibodies can disappear soon after the infection, but IgG antibodies stay in the bloodstream for life.

alistron1 · 03/04/2011 15:31

As long as someone hasn't got an active outbreak of cold sores them kissing is fine. My mum has cold sores and me and my sister were never infected 'cos she didn't kiss us during an active outbreak and when she did have a cold sore she used specific cups/towels etc to avoid 'cross contamination'!

Cold sores are very uncomfortable and for the sufferer can feel very unsightly. My mum hates having them.

They are not an STI, they are in the same family as genital herpes but generally to contract an STI you need to have a bit of the 'S'.

It is not a good idea to kiss small babies if you have an outbreak of cold sores, it can make very young babies quite poorly. So if you see anyone with sores on their face attempting to kiss your baby you can feel fully justified in doing a slow mo' rugby tackle of them whilst shouting 'nooooooooooooooooooooo'

AuntieMaggie · 03/04/2011 16:05

I think it depends how old your DS is - the stuff I've found on the internet implies that if you know you suffer from cold sores you shouldn't kiss a baby even if you don't have an outbreak especially when they're newborn.

These stories are heartbreaking

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1081076/Did-I-kill-baby-kiss-How-anguished-mother-didnt-discover-danger-common-cold-sore-virus-late-.html

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1155973/Killed-kiss-Anguish-mother-lost-newborn-baby-passing-cold-sore-infection.html

activate · 03/04/2011 16:10

I am outstounded at the ignorance of the OP - how can you form an opinion without doing any reading up about it

here you go - simple google

www.bupa.co.uk/individuals/health-information/directory/c/cold-sores

activate · 03/04/2011 16:12

AuntiMaggie - you're basically saying that 80% of the population should never kiss a baby

really?

lifeinthemidlands · 03/04/2011 16:13

Pretty much everyone is exposed to the particular herpes virus that causes cold sores before adulthood. If you don't get cold sores it just means that you don't react to the virus in a particular way (i.e. it doesn't lie dormant int the body). This obviously doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful with an active cold sore (particularly with babies) but it's actually very difficult to avoid contact with the virus in everyday life.

AuntieMaggie · 03/04/2011 18:15

Not in the first 6 weeks no they shouldn't if they knowngly suffer from coldsores.

activate · 03/04/2011 19:58

and once again pretty much everyone has the virus dormant in them - 80-90% of the population

I can understand not kissing with an outbreak but seriously you're saying that 90% of new mothers should never kiss their newborns

bishboschone · 03/04/2011 20:07

I have suffered from cold sores since I was a child. I resent the fact you call them STI's . Yes they are herpes virus but that doesn't mean I got them from being dirty. I hate when I get them and feel scabby enough without twunts thinking they are from sleeping around!!!

MillyR · 03/04/2011 20:31

The issue with STIs is not how you got them, but managing risk in sexual situations if you have one. Obviously many people who have HIV, hepatitis B or herpes did not get them from having sex. Once they have them, people usually make an effort to find out how to take precautions during sex (and with herpes particularly oral sex) in order to prevent transmitting them to others.

And there is nothing dirty about having sex.

petisa · 03/04/2011 20:36

But we're not talking about STIs on this thread Milly Confused Hmm

MillyR · 03/04/2011 20:42

Yes we are - it is in the OP. If you have oral herpes you can transmit the virus to someone else's genitals. So people who have it are almost aware of that and modify their behaviour accordingly. None of us can possibly know (or quite frankly care) which of the two types of herpes simplex the SIL of the OP has that come out in cold sores, but if she passed them on the OP's baby, that will mean he/she has to modify his sexual behaviour as an adult, as many people do, to avoid passing on an STI through oral sex.

It isn't about making judgements about people's sexual behaviour.