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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

303 replies

angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:07

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! Grin).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so Angry I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

OP posts:
buttonmooncup · 02/04/2011 22:50

elephant I took myself to school from the age of 7 - they ARE older kids!

chickchickchicken · 02/04/2011 22:53

am amazed that anyone can try to justify child playing with toys on the floor.
of course its a trip hazard. wet floor signs are very noticeable for the very reason of preventing accidents. small toys on floor arent
am Shock at poster comparing pallets of stock as same sort of hazard as toys on floor.
so every shopper should look out for small items that people have let their child play with on the floor whilst the parent does her shopping
god forbid they may have their own children to supervise as well as looking for all these trip hazards. as well as choosing their shopping off the shelves. notice shelves not floor as i expect to see the merchandise on the shelves

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 22:53

8 and 6 isn't older than 3 and 1?
If your children are much younger, whiteelephant, I can understand that you might be aghast at leaving children in a toy aisle for a few minutes. But most people who have children of my sons' ages would surely understand that at those ages they don't need to be hovered over 24 hours a day. I was walking to school with my sisters unaccompanied by eight or nine, as most people did then.

Ariesgirl · 02/04/2011 22:54

Just accept that some people are tossers. Sad but true.

surelynotnormal · 02/04/2011 22:54

Fuck it, what would I know.

I got BOLLOCKED on Wednesday for holding the door to the toilets open for an elderly lady with a walking frame instead of concentrating on pushing my DD in her pram instead Confused

Nancy66 · 02/04/2011 22:58

...i bet you would've left the mess if she hadn't said anything!!

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 22:58

I have children ranging in ages from 13 to 2, Lyra, so I'm well aware that you don't need to hover over a 6 or 8 year old constantly. However, leaving them unattended in a large store whilst you go and shop isn't just "not hovering over them", it's just leaving them to their own devices.

Although you may think your children are very grown up, children of this age don't know how to cope with some situations. What if a stranger came along and tried to get them to leave the store with him/her? (yes I know there's not a paedophile on every corner but this has happened in supermarkets before) What if one of them hurt themselves? We all find it hard shopping with whingeing children, but most of us know that we can't just dump them in an area of the store and go off to do child-free shopping.

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:03

"but most of us know that we can't just dump them in an area of the store and go off to do child-free shopping."

There you go again with the exaggeration. Sigh.
And who said it was a large store? As supermarkets go, it's a fairly small one and never very busy at the times I tend to take them with me. They're never more than a few seconds away from me at any time. If it was the huge Tesco down the road, that would be different.

chickchickchicken · 02/04/2011 23:06

lyra you said
presumably its a fairly large shop to have a toy aisle?

louloudia · 02/04/2011 23:06

im 47 , can i qualify as an old bag yet

and be all judgey and rolly eyed

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:07

One side of one aisle is toys. And they aisles are fairly short. It's a supermarket but not a particularly big one.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 23:08

We're not going to agree on this matter, Lyra, and it's going to go round and round in circles. I'm not exagerrating; you have stated that you leave your children alone in the toy section and go round and do shopping (you said grab a few bits but it's still shopping, is it not?). As your children are in the toy section and not with you, you are therefore shopping child-free. I can't see how I've exaggerated at all TBH. You've said the same thing as I have but in different words, but because you don't want to hear what I'm saying you say I'm exaggerating. Sigh

And this is the first mention of it being a small store. It can't be that small though if it has a toy section.

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:12

Oh, and as for the 'we all find it hard shopping with whingeing children' comment, I don't mind them coming round with me at all, and they tend not to whinge. But they will beg me to let them stay in the toy aisle while I grab a few things and as it's only for a few minutes I don't see that it's particularly risky.
You have to realise that just because someone does something you wouldn't do, that doesn't automatically make them wrong.
I could accuse you of being over-protective but I won't, even though you're trying to make out that I'm neglecting my children by taking things I've said and exaggerating them so they sound worse.

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:13

I didn't say it was a small store. I said it was a supermarket but not a particularly big one. the Tesco down the road is probably six times bigger.

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:16

'Dump them' isn't exaggerating?

'Yet another example of a parent who thinks the world revolves around her and her children.' isn't exaggerating?

I could go on but I can't be bothered. there is clearly no reasoning with you.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 23:17

You wouldn't have grounds to call me over-protective, Lyra, as you have no idea of how I parent. I haven't mentioned it on this thread. To call me over-protective would merely be tit for tat on your part as you don't agree with my viewpoint. And if I'm overprotective for not leaving young children alone in a supermarket then I'm not the only one as I don't think I've seen children left alone in our local supermarket, ever.

You are now exagerrating what I've said as at no point have I said you're neglecting your children, merely that I disagree with you leaving them in the toy aisle whilst you go round the supermarket. As I said previously, I said the same things that you have stated you do, just wording it differently but essentially the same meaning. I didn't exaggerate. I would say that your extreme defensivenes comes from feeling that you are in the wrong and feeling slightly guilty for what you do. But they're your children and it's your call. But just don't expect everyone to agree with you or say what a wonderful parent you are.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 23:19

Dumping them is the same as leaving them, isn't it? I think I have reasoned very well with you, thank you. You are only saying there is no reasoning with me as you don't like what you are hearing and you know that you are in the wrong.

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:23

You've taken things I've said and used different wording which has changed the meaning, yes.
And no I'm not feeling guilty or even feeling 'extremely defensive' I'm simply responding to your comments. And I haven't ever said I expect everyone, or even anyone, to agree with me. You're making a lot of assumptions here.
I'm going to leave it there because this is pointless. You do things your way and I'll do them mine.

PrincessFiorimonde · 02/04/2011 23:25

Angel, I think you were a little bit unreasonable if there were toys on the floor. But it's not a biggie. And I think it's really nice that you wanted to involve your boys in choosing flowers for their grandmother. And, most of all, I think you have taken all comments here in really good spirit - so well done you! Smile

(I speak as a mad old bint in her 50s.)

porcamiseria · 02/04/2011 23:25

agree, why did she annoy you so much? give a shit!

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:26

FFS, I do not 'know' I'm in the wrong. You think I am and I'm disagreeing with you. Why are you getting so worked up. i think you need to get a life lady if you spend this much time agonising about what other people do.
And if you don't see the difference between 'dumping' children somewhere and letting them go where they WANT to go, then there really is not point having any kind of discussion with you.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 23:27

Lyra, I have clearly hit a raw nerve and you're upset. You are being very defensive indeed.

Original poster
angel1976 · 02/04/2011 23:28

Lyra and whiteelephant Er... Can we all agree to disagree? I think there are some good points made on this thread and points taken. I don't want anyone getting upset just because I wanted a rant. No one died and no one was hurt and tomorrow is another day. Happy mother's day all! :)

OP posts:
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 23:29

I think you're being very rude to tell me to "get a life". If you don't want people to comment on your posts or the way you do things, why post it on what is essentially a public forum? I am not agonising over what other people do, simply giving my opinions on a forum that invites opinions from people. Once again, you have exhibited your extreme defensiveness, so I rest my case

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:30

Now you're just being a wind-up merchant. You have not touched any raw nerves, I do not think I'm wrong just because you do. Not everyone thinks exactly the same as you.
I won't waste any more time discussing this with you because you're clearly a bit simple roll eyes

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