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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dd to use tampax

164 replies

scruffybird · 01/04/2011 20:15

Weird title I know. Ok dd is 12 next week and started her periods a few months ago. She does synchronised swimming and is having to miss about one or two sessions a month due to her periods, which hasn't been a problem.
But she came on today and has a very important session on sunday, her and her duet partner are competing against some other teams and the team chosen gets to represent our town at a big competiton next month.
So far dd has been against the tampax idea.
AIBU to push the issue just for the sake of sunday?

OP posts:
ChishAndFips · 01/04/2011 22:15

Can understand why you want her do use tampons, OP. I did too with my DDs, simply because I hated to see them miserable because they were missing out on swimming or worrying about people seeing/hearing the pad. I think buying some of the small applicator ones and KY jelly and leaving in the bathroom would be a good idea. I would show them to her, be very matter-of-fact with explaining why you think it would be a good idea and how to do it. She'll no doubt squirm and be embarrassed but you'll have planted the idea at least, so hopefully she'll think about it. My DDs found it much easier first to use applicators because it positions the tampon for you. They switched to non-app once they had got used to the whole thing, though both used KY jelly to help for a few months.

flyingspaghettimonster · 01/04/2011 22:17

I remember trying one of the free sample tampons you get as a younngster in those 'your changing body' packs. It hurt - a misplaced tampon is horrible, and young girls are going to be more sensitive to that as it is a new sensation for them. Get some pearl applicator ones and let her try them - if she doesn't like it, don't press the issue, just point out the benefits. To be honest, I wouldn't like a younger teen using them because of TSS, and I think I would be far too embarrassed to compete in a swim suit using a tampon in case the string showed... so try to understand her feelings if she doesn't want to try it :-)

MaisyMooCow · 01/04/2011 22:25

I used tampons from my very first period. I was lucky to have a much older sister who encouraged me to try and I'm so glad she did.
I can fully understand why your DD might feel anxious and doesn't want to try them, the thought of using them can be quite scary for a young woman.
Maybe with time she might come round to the idea when she speaks with friends who may use them too.

bonkers20 · 01/04/2011 22:51

Do you know why she is against them?

I bought some tampax compax (or whatever they're called) by accident the other day. They were on offer and I'd left the kids in the car. Anyway, I felt bad using all that plastic, but they really were easy to insert. No cardboard to collapse or not concertina properly, just really smooth.

If I had a daughter still learning to be comfortable with her periods I'd suggest something like these.

I used tampons from the word go and never had a problem.

It's good that you can talk about these things with her, but I certainly wouldn't push the issue. Just make sure she knows enough to make her own decision.

grafenstolz · 02/04/2011 00:13

There is a school of thought that a girl needs to know her own body. If she's to use a mooncup, for example, she'll need to know where her cervix is.

However, I think the situation with your dd is complex and delicate, and needs sensitive handling.

MillyR · 02/04/2011 00:23

I couldn't use tampons until I started having sex. Some women just have more hymen than others. A 12 year old may not be able to insert a tampon without breaking her hymen first, and I don't think it is acceptable to expect a 12 year old to do that.

annielouisa · 02/04/2011 00:24

What does your DD say about sinday as it is her body and her choice. I remember at that age I had the cramp from hell for about 3 days and even if I had used tampax I would not have been able to compete in a synchronised swimming comp.

LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 02/04/2011 00:26

This website might help?

KatieMiddleton · 02/04/2011 00:30

I used tampons from the beginning but they aren't necessarily the best solution for swimming. IME they soak up water and then can leak so if that's the only reason to use them then I wouldn't bother.

Why not have a chat with your DD and see what she thinks?

squeakytoy · 02/04/2011 00:34

The tampax compact are brilliant, and would be ideal, the smallest one are hardly bigger than a cigarette either, width wise, so I would imagine would be absolutely fine for a young girl.

I hated using them at first (started periods at 11 and was a swimmer in the town team), but had to get to grips with them, and I hated lillettes (no applicator), and even tampax in the usual cardboard tube were a bit of a faff (and still are 30 years later!).

MCos · 02/04/2011 01:10

If she starts using them now, I think it would only be suitable on Sunday if

  1. she figures out how to insert them properly (otherwise, as KatieMiddleton says, they may leak) 2) if her period won't be v. heavy on that day.

I think the Tampax with plastic applicator would be easiest. But agree with posters who recommend you buy a few types for her to try. But, explain to her how to insert them, don't just leave them lying around.

I think I was about 15 when I first tried tampons. It was a lilet type one, and I couldn't figure how to insert it properly. We were on hols, and a friend got me to try it. But next period I tried the Tampax with applicator which worked much better for me..

I also remember that I really wanted to try them earlier, also for sports reasons. But was too shy to ask my mom, or to purchase them for myself...

GilmoreGeek · 02/04/2011 01:23

I really really wanted to use them as I found the idea of pads super disgusting when I started my periods. And it still took me ages to be able to do it. Loads and loads of practice. So don't rush her, it might take her ages to figure it out.

I also had quite a few painful experiences. If you give her tampons definitely tell her to use some lube with them.
I have bad bad memories of trying to use a tampon at 13 and it getting stuck because it was simply too dry. It was so painful I had to ask my mum to help me, me with my legs in the air on the bathroom floor and her trying to pull. I actually injured myself. Nothing I am proud of or like to talk about (what's more embarrassing than asking your mum to help you with a stuck tampon at 13 Wink ) but maybe she has tried and it hurt?

expatinscotland · 02/04/2011 02:05

I used them from age 11, with a lot of help from lube and older girls in ballet. Get her to ask and get help from her team mates. The elder ones should be able to well help her along, quite graphically. They got us newbies in the changing room and we'd sit on the benches or lay on them till we got it.

A syncronised swimmer of that age will likely have had a lot of ballet and might not have a hymen at all.

The girls in ballet instructed me to get hold of Tampax with a plastic applicator and lubricate it with Vaseline for the first time.

I don't recall ever feeling a hymen as even by that age I was doing full splits.

At 15, I was fully en pointe and doing complex centre work, which continued when I moved to France for a year abroad with little problem, all the moves were in French, and it wasn't hard to get a place in class. Most of the girls in my class then weren't even virgins, I was one of the last to be so.

Pads, so gross and you could see them through leotards, it wasn't going to work.

As her what her teammates do.

YANBU. But IME the girls all got instruction from one another v. their mothers.

KickArseQueen · 02/04/2011 02:24

I started my periods very early and I started using tampons fairly early too. The smallest applicator ones were my favourites, and I found the "compac" ones with the plastic tube the easiest to use. Not the best for the environment, but very helpful to me back then!

WMDinthekitchen · 02/04/2011 05:50

When 14 my daughter just asked me to buy Tampax rather than pads. The idea came from her. Your daughter will make her own decision. Suggest you leave well alone.

valiumredhead · 02/04/2011 10:52

We used to have a PE teacher at school who used to say that there was no reason why we couldn't go swimming and she used to give us a box of Tampax and tell us not to come out of the loo until we had one in!!! She used to keep a book of our period dates too. WEIRDO!!!

I couldn't use them until I was about 15 - not developed enough/didn't know my own body etc

Parmallama · 02/04/2011 11:06

You should definately not push the issue.

It should be up to her. If she really wants to take part she will consider the other options.

4madboys · 02/04/2011 11:20

Shock valium that sounds like my old PE teacher!!

yours wasnt called Mrs Johnson and of a slightly 'butch' build? with pubes that seemed to grow all the way down her inner thighs?!!! was she?

and i agree with posters saying buy a variety, buy some ky and let her experiemnt.

i was a swimmer as well as a teen and a did try tampax quite quickly as i didnt like pads, they felt gross and i didnt like missing swimming, my periods were heavy and long (two weeks sometimes) so i would have missed a lot of swimming if i didnt use tampons.

interestingly as teen etc i never had any problems with using them, however having had 5 children it can now be uncomfortable sometimes, in that when i get my period everything feels a bit 'tender and bruised' and so inserting a tampon can be uncomfortable, i would have thought having given birth 5 times and once to a 10lb 13oz baby that everything would be ummm loose enough for it not to be a problem, maybe i have done my pelvic floor exercises too well Hmm Grin

Honeybee79 · 02/04/2011 11:25

Leave it up to her.

colditz · 02/04/2011 11:27

4madboys - I had a pe teacher called ms johnson - are you in leicestershire>?????

GabbyLoggon · 02/04/2011 11:52

I get confused, the wife sent me to the chemists for tampax; and I came
back with tin tacks.

You may well think: what kind of chemist sells tin tacks.? Its artististic
license ladies.
My wife thinks I am an artist. But she will never tell me what kind of artist.

SardineQueen · 02/04/2011 12:05

I used tampons from quite early on - it was the Lil-lets teeny ones (I saw one recently and my god they are teeny!). Definitely your first tampon needs to be teeny IMO Smile

That said I think that "her vagina her choice" is absolutely the right approach. You can tell her about different methods and the pros and cons and get her some of the various things but it's up to her what she decides to do with them.

On a separate note someone earlier on posted "If she's to use a mooncup, for example, she'll need to know where her cervix is." This is not true. Mooncup does not sit right up near your cervix, it is lower down that that. You do not need to know where your cervix is, you just stick it in your vagina wherever it feels comfy (ie above the muscles at the entrance) and it catches all the blood (and is a wonderous thing!!!!!)

BertieBotts · 02/04/2011 12:16

Why would you need to know where your cervix is to use a mooncup? Confused

I really wasn't comfortable or able to use tampons until I was sexually active and found that putting considerably larger things in there didn't hurt and wasn't going to break it Grin

bristolcities · 02/04/2011 13:30

My 13 year old sister has just had a similar issue. Will be on holiday with the school and swimming whilst on. She thought about going on the pill but the doctor was reluctant. Instead she has been given a pill to take near the time. Just puts periods on hold.

pooka · 02/04/2011 13:37

I never used pads before I had children and needed maternity pads and now have much heavier periods and have got into using safeguarding pads as well as tampons.

Went straight into using tampax mini, with applicators. I think my mother left it up to me, but then she always used lillets and so my knowledge of periods were of tampon use rather than pads. Didn't want to use lillets because found them much harder to insert.

I do remember my mother saying how amazed she was when tampons first became available, having had to use pad with belt contraption when her periods started, because that's just what was available, and even that was a step up from the cloths my grandmother remembered using, putting them out on the line. She said that all neighbours knew if someone was pregnant because months would pass without them being in the wash!