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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dd to use tampax

164 replies

scruffybird · 01/04/2011 20:15

Weird title I know. Ok dd is 12 next week and started her periods a few months ago. She does synchronised swimming and is having to miss about one or two sessions a month due to her periods, which hasn't been a problem.
But she came on today and has a very important session on sunday, her and her duet partner are competing against some other teams and the team chosen gets to represent our town at a big competiton next month.
So far dd has been against the tampax idea.
AIBU to push the issue just for the sake of sunday?

OP posts:
HerBeX · 01/04/2011 21:27

Yes I don't understand why anyone wants their DD to use a certain method.

I could understand if your DD was into green issues and only used washable towels and then expected you to do her washing, because then her choice would affect you; but otherwise, you don't get a vote in someone else's sanitary protection methods IMO, even if she is your DD.

Likethisandthat · 01/04/2011 21:27

YABU

RamblingRosa · 01/04/2011 21:28

I can understand it's a pain if her knickers are blood stained but isn't "repulsive" a big harsh GorgeousX?

If it's leaking that much then maybe she needs more absorbent pads or needs to change them more frequently?

Black knickers are always good too Grin

HerBeX · 01/04/2011 21:28

I remember a friend of mine memorably saying "I think Mother Nature's forgotten to give me the right hole"

GORGEOUSX · 01/04/2011 21:29

skinit Are you missing humour genes? Surely you realise that was a joke? Are you seriously suggesting it was anything other than that?

Likethisandthat · 01/04/2011 21:29

I also agree MN is an eye-opener. Lots of ideas here I'd not thought of. The thread about teenage girls who leave used pads loitering round their bedroom for days was also enlightening. Apparently not that uncommon... makes you wonder what some of them do with the used tampons

HerBeX · 01/04/2011 21:29

Likethis I know loads of girls whose mums wouldn't allow them to use tampons because "you stop being a virgin" Hmm

Nutters. Grin

Skinit · 01/04/2011 21:30

How was it a joke?

I didn't see that at all. Confused

megapixels · 01/04/2011 21:31

When I started my mother taught me that I should rinse out blood-stained underwear before leaving it for washing. It's a bit unhygienic to leave it bloodstained isn't it? If it's not going into the wash right away.

TheOriginalNutcracker · 01/04/2011 21:31

Rofl chipmonkey Grin

I got very odd looks from people coming in and out of the loo's as I was giving my instructions and my mate was moaning and groaning. She got there eventually though.

Likethisandthat · 01/04/2011 21:32

My mum was desperate for me to get a boyfriend (and probably to have sex) [weird mother emoticon], so definitely not that issue.

Can teenager girls not deal with their own blood-stained pants in the same way that boys can learn to wash their own sheets after wet dreams? Mine are way too young for this yet thankfully!

Skinit · 01/04/2011 21:32

Gorgeous Oh...I see you put a Grin by it...that doesn't make a statement into a joke you know. Only shows you as giggling.

You seemedvery een on your DD using them...."I just hope she has another go"

Can't see the humour.

GORGEOUSX · 01/04/2011 21:33

Rambling We're all different - and, personally, I DO find it repulsive, that's just me - as I've said I don't show it and am certainly not going to mention it to her.

She walks 4 miles a day, to and from school so sometimes she has slip-ups - I'm not going to make an issue of that either. She's young and she makes mistakes, so sometimes she doesn't change often enough, I agree, but she'll figure it out for herself.

RamblingRosa · 01/04/2011 21:35

That's true about dealing with your own blood stained knickers at that age actually. I'd forgotten that. I've just had a flashback to a spotty teenage me keeping a pack of some heavy duty laundry pre-soaking stuff by the bathroom sink so I could get blood out of my knickers before they went in the wash.

I was really secretive about my periods and never even told my mum when I started. Just dealt with it all myself and would have died of embarrassment if my mum had ever spoken to me about it or if anyone had ever had to deal with my bloody knickers.

GORGEOUSX · 01/04/2011 21:35

Skinit I do wish she would, but obviously I'm not jealous of a complete stranger on MN - For goodness sake - you seem determined to have a fight with me so I'm now hiding this thread.

RamblingRosa · 01/04/2011 21:37

Fair enough Gorgeous but she might well still leak if she switches to tampons. I recall having lots of accidents with both towels and tampons. It takes years to get used to having periods and to learn to cope with it whether you use towels, mooncups or tampons I reckon.

tallulah · 01/04/2011 21:38

I couldn't manage to use tampons until I had a boyfriend IYKWIM, which was a bit older than 12.

ForShizzle · 01/04/2011 21:39

Why doesn't she want to use them? I think understanding her reasoning would help.... but it really is her choice at the end of the day.

I used tampons from my first period... but I bet if mum had asked me to use them I would have refused!! I was a lovely teen.

Maryz · 01/04/2011 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheerfulYank · 01/04/2011 21:48

I didn't use them for years. They were just really uncomfortable and never felt right. Now of course I can't imagine wearing a pad!

You could buy her some of the "starter" tampons and suggest she give it a try, but otherwise leave it alone.

Ephiny · 01/04/2011 21:50

I wouldn't have wanted to use tampons at 12, I would have been quite scared at the thought - I was about 15 when I tried for the first time, and found it painful and difficult then. I didn't really use them until I was in my 20s, and much more comfortable with my body and what goes where!

It's her body, so her decision about what gets put inside it, and I don't think she should be pressured at all to do anything she's not ready for or comfortable with. So fine to have them available in case she wants to give them a try, but I don't think you should 'push the issue'.

Anyway it can take a few attempts to get the knack of tampons, especially for young girls, so she wouldn't necessarily be happy using them by Sunday.

littletreesmum · 01/04/2011 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsTittleMouse · 01/04/2011 22:01

I can remember the first time that I used tampons - with my Mum shouting at me through the bathroom door because I was taking too long and we had to meet up with everyone to go swimming. It was awful. I did use tampons as a teenager, but was never really comfortable with them. I wish that someone had thought to tell me about KY jelly to get them in, as I'm sure it would have helped.

When I was sexually active, suddenly it all got a lot easier, and I had an Aha! moment as I realised that not every woman in the world had this horrible struggle to force in even the smallest tampon. It was actually quite technically difficult to lose my virginity, and I can only imagine that I must have had quite a substantial hymen.

Anyway, this is a very long-winded way of saying that I would suggest the option, but not push it. After a couple of days her period might not be heavy enough to need a tampon if it's just for an hour or so.

NettoSuperstar · 01/04/2011 22:05

"Just have a think about what you are asking her to do!

She's twelve and you want to pressure her into pushing a foreign body into her vagina which still has a hymen mostly covering it, and has probably never had anything inside it at ALL.

This is NOT something you can ask a child to do! You can let them if they want to, but bloody hell, her vagina, her choice!"

Well exactly.
I wish someone had told my mother that. My mother, the senior social worker.Hmmbitch

Pushing anyone to put something into their vagina is wrong and I can't believe my mother did it to me, repeatedly, and for years.

DoubleDegreeStudent · 01/04/2011 22:06

I used pads for my first few times but when I was 11 I got my period on a long-haul flight going on holiday (2 hours into a 9 hour flight) and was early, so hadn't travelled with anything to use. My sister only had tampons with her and everything else was in our checked luggage, so my options were use a tampon or keep running to the little aeroplane loo and making pads from that horrid shiny loo paper they have. Obviously I chose tampons and haven't looked back.

I had to work it out in an uncomfortable environment under a lot of pressure, but given my choices I did it. I'm not saying that's the way to do it, but once the reality of having to miss important competitions hits her they might become a lot more attractive.

Buy a few types and explain the implications of them, and then leave her to have a think?