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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to think WTF is going on?

580 replies

ScaredWorriedAndAngry · 31/03/2011 22:35

We recently realised we may had been burgled my DH noticed weird notches and marks on our front door...so he called the police they came and confirmed that someone had definately been into our house and we suddenly realised why small but valuable items had started going missing over a period of about 5months ..3 phones a hand-bag, my husbands watch I brought him for our anniversary last year and probably other things we have not realised...things you might think you have misplaced or lost..anyway the police officer asked to look upstairs so my husband said ok...when she cam back down the stairs she said 'how many children did you say you had?' my DH answered 2 ..she then said well why is there just 1 bed/mattress upstairs?' my DH explained that we will be buying a futon for them and that we are just in the middle of things.

now for some back-ground...my DDs bless their cotton socks are home-wreckers...they had a lovely IKEA bed but they jumped all over it and smashed the slats beyond repair..they have also dug holes in the walls and pulled off their own room door when they made a 'swing' on the handle amongst other things..unfortunately my DH is not a DIY person a nor am I...we chucked out the bed bits and just had the made up mattress on the floor (which they think is bluddy marvellous and like a 'sleep-over'),we have a new bed that we brought originally when we brought the first bed..but decided not to put it up because they might end up breaking it again, we decided to buy a double futon so they can jump as much as they want till we have set up DD2's room...

We have lived in the house for quite a while but we are really struggling with decorating and many things have gone wrong with the property,mould, bolier broken, man half fitted the kitchen and ran off with the money..plus other personal stuff.. so yes it looks a bit of a state decoration wise and at the moment we just don't have the time money or energy to sort everything out and it's also very cluttered not dirty..just messy...and we also have alot of wine bottles in bags in the kitchen because I'm too lazy to walk round to the bottle bank often enough (more fool me)...so it looks a bit much when I look at it from someone elses perspective..maybe they think we are drunks or something?

Well after they left and I came home my DH mentioned what happened and said he thought she might say something..I said no way because our house is a bit messy and you explained about the matress etc etc...

2 weeks later the police return and we thought it was the discuss the break in..no..it turns out there we some concerns with our children and their living arrangements??, 2 officers from the youth crime reduction team are here?? they ask to come in the house is a bit wild because I'm doing washing..they said they have spoken to the school about us and our children and about the time off they have had etc...and last year my DDs caught quite a few colds ansd stomach bugs and the school policy is you must keep them off for at least 48 hrs so yes their attendance looks dodgy but not more so than other children..they asked us if there was food in the house??...we both work and have decent jobs but bills a mortgage and debts and I don't want to get into anymore debt..

so now a day later they are coming back again with another person...and I'm sure I saw them drive pass the house earlier...we asked for help from the police and now we feel like suspects for something we haven't done...am i overrating/paranoid?..is this normal practice?...am i in some kind of denial?..are we on a list?

I have been trying to hold this all in but I'm tearful/angry and worried and too ashamed to talk to anyone about whats happening...

sorry this is so long..

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 04/04/2011 22:18

why are mnhq involved.whats been going on then?who name changed?and to what

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 22:21

Exactly Maryz...I shall be going to that recycling centre on a regular basis and the skip is on it's way..I'm very grateful

FlaminGreatGallah · 04/04/2011 22:22

The ripping to shreds was paraphrased I think rather than being quoted directly but I see what you mean. Misunderstanding.

I'm glad that HQ clarified things.

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 22:22

scottish I name-changed part way to reflect how I was feeling..apparently it's not the done thing...

scottishmummy · 04/04/2011 22:33

as threads go i think bulk advice has been sensible and pragmatic.
so i hope this all works out for you & kids

DuelingFanjo · 04/04/2011 22:35

oh, FlaminGreatGallah there's no need to apologise. I live in a way that I know a lot of people would find really cluttered but I said the thread scared me in what I meant as a mock shock kind of way.

Re this troll hunting - I hare re-read and re-read the OP and there really isn't any part of it which makes me think troll or neglect. Maybe different posters have different standards and so that has a bearing on what they read into in the OP?

heliumballoons · 04/04/2011 22:39

Well I just wish you luck OP.

And friendly advice, many like me have posts set to highlight the OP, when you name change it doesn't do it anymore. It makes it hard to keep up and help.

My question above about why it didn't highlight was not an accusation simply a question (I only discovered the highlighting thing a few weeks ago) and apologise if it came across as such. Blush

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 22:54

Sorry helium I didn't realise it would affect the highlighting...|I am a recent convert too

ifaistos · 04/04/2011 22:59

I'm amazed you've stayed this calm and good humoured, OP. The tone of some of the posts and the self-righteous, judgemental crap some people have come out with must be horrible to read. Glad it all worked out for you, good luck!

tomhardyismydh · 04/04/2011 23:04

i just wanted to flag up why youth prevention op, i asked in my original post i think if your children where thought to be involved and you seemed shocked at the suggestion any child this age could be involv0ed, now you recognise youth crime now you bring in your ethnicity, id qquestion why you didnt talk about this early on

im now pained to say im very suspiciouse of you.

what was/is the outcome or next step with break ins you seem to be omitting this very important information

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 05/04/2011 00:06

tom ...nothing was said about the break in..that's why I was perplexed, they explained that the youth protection was something that was to support parents and children..I only brought my ethinicity up as a possible reason for their involvement

I'm sorry you are suspicous of me ..but it is what it is..

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 05/04/2011 00:07

they said nothing could be done regarding the break in...I am not omitting anything that was or not said...

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 05/04/2011 00:12

I will continue to be shocked by the suggestion my children were involved, they are not street-wise or privy to an enviroment that would make them open to such things...they are 2 young children who love Hello Kitty and the Disney channel..very far from criminal

welshbyrd · 05/04/2011 00:26

OP Im so glad the thread has gone from angry, vile and almost abusive towards you, and your so called "hooligan" girls, to a supportive thread, and plenty of "goodluck for future wishes"

I really hope you and DDs, the best for the future, and hope if you ever brave a post on MN again, you have more of a welcome, and not subjected to such shitty accusations and so viciously attacked as I feel you were on this thread

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 05/04/2011 00:41

I think what happened is that some of the squawkier bucketheads on here confused Lesley33's well-intentioned checklist of abuse/neglect indicators with what the OP actually said about her house. IE having no food in is a Bad Thing - but the OP never said she had no food in, and later posted that she was infact cooking a meal when the police came.

welshbyrd · 05/04/2011 00:53

OP was still attacked after stating, she was in the middle of cooking a homemade lasagne.

mathanxiety · 05/04/2011 00:59

Relieved, I would be willing to bet that the kitchen contractor or someone associated with him was responsible for the thefts.

mybrainsthinkingfuckyou · 05/04/2011 01:08

Oh dear God i cannot believe how thick some people are...it should be bloody obvious why the OP namechanged. She was scaredworriedandangry as I would have been re SS and she's now relievedthoughtfulandgrateful as her disney loving DDs haven't been removed. Tis not rocket science.

also having worked and taught in inner city schools in Manchester, the city where the police had institutional racism sorry don't think she was playing the race card as it happens - have come across far too many examples by colleagues, parents, students, bosses and police wearing judgeypants to not think it could at the very least be a possibility.

OP i wish you all the best and hope that you can get straight and maintain.

BitOfFun · 05/04/2011 01:09

Yes, that struck me too, mathanxiety. Odd though this has all been.

sundayrose10 · 05/04/2011 11:55

I don not even think this woman is black. She just added that on to make her story a little bit more 'exciting'.

CakeandRoses · 05/04/2011 12:29

Ffs sundayrose (and others saying that this thread isn't true) either don't post or just report the op as a troll, don't clutter up the thread with inane guesswork.

Op, you've impressed me with your self-awareness and honesty in your recent posts. And I was one of those who were shocked at the description of your house. I'm very pleased you appear to have realised that it's not a desirable way for children to live and are willing to make changes.

I don't think you played the 'race card' at all in mentioning why the youth crime prevention team (or whatever they're called) may have been involved.

I'd be interested to know if you think you are drinking too much as you've been heavily judged on this aspect. Fwiw, we always have tons of wine bottles, they're just out of sight in a recycling bin. Dh and I drink a smallish glass of red with dinner every night and then there's often extra bottles if guests are round. My maximum is 1.5 glasses of wine in a day so hardly a 'drinker' but the numbers of bottles in our bin could paint a different story.

I wish you all the best in putting this behind you and making a better life for your family.

tomhardyismydh · 05/04/2011 12:41

1.5 glasses a day is pretty excessive imho cake.

CakeandRoses · 05/04/2011 12:45

Gah! Talk about read the worst into anything!

I meant: 1.5 glasses is the most I'll ever drink in one 'sitting', 2 glasses over a day/evening event at the very most. Ie I never get drunk.

Day to day at home in the evening, I drink 1 small glass max.

tomhardyismydh · 05/04/2011 12:49

im not reading the worst just stating, based on what you said, imho it is excessive to drink daily.

tomhardyismydh · 05/04/2011 12:55

1 glasses daily will exceed recomended weekly units. i was assuming as you said you dh drink this every night, you where drinking daily.