AIBU to think WTF is going on?

[ScaredWorriedAndAngry]

We recently realised we may had been burgled my DH noticed weird notches and marks on our front door...so he called the police they came and confirmed that someone had definately been into our house and we suddenly realised why small but valuable items had started going missing over a period of about 5months ..3 phones a hand-bag, my husbands watch I brought him for our anniversary last year and probably other things we have not realised...things you might think you have misplaced or lost..anyway the police officer asked to look upstairs so my husband said ok...when she cam back down the stairs she said 'how many children did you say you had?' my DH answered 2 ..she then said well why is there just 1 bed/mattress upstairs?' my DH explained that we will be buying a futon for them and that we are just in the middle of things.

now for some back-ground...my DDs bless their cotton socks are home-wreckers...they had a lovely IKEA bed but they jumped all over it and smashed the slats beyond repair..they have also dug holes in the walls and pulled off their own room door when they made a 'swing' on the handle amongst other things..unfortunately my DH is not a DIY person a nor am I...we chucked out the bed bits and just had the made up mattress on the floor (which they think is bluddy marvellous and like a 'sleep-over'),we have a new bed that we brought originally when we brought the first bed..but decided not to put it up because they might end up breaking it again, we decided to buy a double futon so they can jump as much as they want till we have set up DD2's room...

We have lived in the house for quite a while but we are really struggling with decorating and many things have gone wrong with the property,mould, bolier broken, man half fitted the kitchen and ran off with the money..plus other personal stuff.. so yes it looks a bit of a state decoration wise and at the moment we just don't have the time money or energy to sort everything out and it's also very cluttered not dirty..just messy...and we also have alot of wine bottles in bags in the kitchen because I'm too lazy to walk round to the bottle bank often enough (more fool me)...so it looks a bit much when I look at it from someone elses perspective..maybe they think we are drunks or something?

Well after they left and I came home my DH mentioned what happened and said he thought she might say something..I said no way because our house is a bit messy and you explained about the matress etc etc...

2 weeks later the police return and we thought it was the discuss the break in..no..it turns out there we some concerns with our children and their living arrangements??, 2 officers from the youth crime reduction team are here?? they ask to come in the house is a bit wild because I'm doing washing..they said they have spoken to the school about us and our children and about the time off they have had etc...and last year my DDs caught quite a few colds ansd stomach bugs and the school policy is you must keep them off for at least 48 hrs so yes their attendance looks dodgy but not more so than other children..they asked us if there was food in the house??...we both work and have decent jobs but bills a mortgage and debts and I don't want to get into anymore debt..

so now a day later they are coming back again with another person...and I'm sure I saw them drive pass the house earlier...we asked for help from the police and now we feel like suspects for something we haven't done...am i overrating/paranoid?..is this normal practice?...am i in some kind of denial?..are we on a list?

I have been trying to hold this all in but I'm tearful/angry and worried and too ashamed to talk to anyone about whats happening...

sorry this is so long..

@Welshbyrd. Because I feel that although she did enough to 'pass' the test the core issues are not being looked at or sorted out. The situation in the OP sounded appalling and she probably did a bit of a tidy up and chucked the bottles before SS came around. Some boxes were ticked and off they went. The cracks are being papered over.

Are you suggesting the officials are blinded to the fact, some people "paper over the crack before their visit?"

While they have been to OPs house, and are happy with her explanations

What makes you, someone who has not seen OPs house, meet her or her DCs, in a position to question any authority decision?

Agree with Capricorn76, this is exactly why alot of cases of abuse get looked over.

I think we do have to trust the professional's assessment of the situation here

don't we ?

what other choice is there ?

hopefully, OP (if this is in fact, real ) has had a shock and will re-assess her lifestyle now

Exactly Welshbyrd if they were genuinely concerned for the kids welfare rather than just wanting to help the OP/give her a kick up the bum I very much doubt they would have said we will be visiting on this day at this time.

On any given day my house can be cluttered but clean.

Right now, in our tiny sitting room, there's a bag of books, a massive bag of ironing, 4 pairs of shoes, 2 cups, a postman pat van, a huge tub of paint, a laptop and bag.

The playroom looks like a bomb has hit it.

In the kitchen there's a bag of shopping to be used/put away, some pots in the sink, a bag of washing to be dried and a pile of paperwork to be filed/dealt with.

It's still clean though, that's just the shit that accumulates whilst we live our lives. It gets cleared away but amazingly reappears again.

Upstairs, our bedroom is half stripped of wallpaper, with a stud wall partially completed. There is stuff in boxes and bags, waiting for a permanent home once the work is completed.

Yes, DS has a bed rather than a mattress in his room and we don't have any wine bottles (we have a recycle bin for those) but our lives don't sound too different from the OP's.

"House a bit of a state is not normal" oh shit!

My mum says, as an ex social worker in child protection, that while a house in a state and all the other things mentioned may be an initial concern it doesn't always turn out to be an indication that chilren need protection or the family needs help. Like Welshbyrd says, visits have been made and help has been offered and accepted by the op so why are people getting so wound up by this?

Not every struggling family or household is a baby P case waiting to happen! many of you are being too harsh on the op.

I can't believe how many people just assume people are heavey drinkers if you have lots of bottles! I very rarely drink at all, but occationally my DPs and/or friends come over for a meal and we might have a bottle of wine. Often I don't go to the recycling for months, until bottles and jars are spilling over in the kitchen. It does not mean I have an alcohol problem!

I would take the advice given here, sort out a bed, and tidy up, etc. I am sure it will be fine. I know of families where the kids really are at risk of neglect and SS does nothing.

when I was a kid I decided to make my own bed out of bricks and planks, I also spent some time sleeping on the window-sill. I was just a weird kid.

RE clutter, this thread scares me. I have a newborn and we have no room for him, the spare room is full of 'stuff' and a bed my dh sleeps on because he snores. I usually have a recycling bin filled with DH's cans/bottles and fray bentos pie tins. There's always something on the stairs because I've put it there until I put it back where it belongs. It probably looks like chaos to those of you who have sterile pristine homes.

FWIW, I slept on a mattress on the floor for several years as a teenager. It did me no harm. I was loved and cared for, clean and well fed. Really, I can't believe the judgemental attitude of some people.

I used to pick at my bedroom walls when I was a kid too and I am a decent human being with no behavioural issues (I think). Some of the posters on here have made out that her kids must be monsters or poorly supervised to damage the house (I was neither).

Same here octopus! Of course a 'good' parent ought to just chuck empty glass into the bin and sod the ecosystem and the future of our planet.

"Exactly Welshbyrd if they were genuinely concerned for the kids welfare rather than just wanting to help the OP/give her a kick up the bum I very much doubt they would have said we will be visiting on this day at this time."

Thats not true button, they schedule visit's like this as they are preliminary.

And I always thought there was something fishy about the story as if you put it all together it sounds chaotic to say the least. If it was just the bedroom issue or the wine bottles or any of the other issues isolated from each other, I would have said it was an overeaction by the authorities. But when you put it all together, it is fishy.

I think people are looking at these in isolation rather than seeing it as a house with ALL the problems listed above. If you really visualise it, it would indicate why the police reported the situation for a follow up inquiry.

The fact that the OP is in fact getting follow up help from the authorities means that though they do not suspect anything seriously sinister, there is a need for some form of intervention. If the OP had not accepted some help willingly, they probably would have checked in on this again.

I only started posting properly when OP mentioned her ethnicity but I thought this from the beginning. I don't like to label people because I know many single parent's and poorer families who find it difficult to cope at times and go through bad patches, but OP's situation is dodgy to me.

Ah ! A rash of equally lazy buggers, eh ?

I do actually judge the OP for her shitty house, lack of beds and out-of-control kids.

But if the authorities are happy there is a minimum level of care being given, who are we to question it ? Apart from apply our own personal values and find others wanting.

This country has a lot of houses where there is a "minimum level of care". Have we to instigate proceedings against all those parents too ? Social Services would implode !

There are plenty of homes that look perfect show homes, but underneath the parents are controlling, manipulative and emotionally/physically/sexually abusive. The state of the house has no bearing on the ability of a person to be a good parent.

It's one thing to say it's a bit fishy and COULD be indicative of other issues and quite another to call someone a shit mum and an alcoholic!

You are right hissymissy, but there are also cases where the state of someones house contributes to the neglect and/ or abuse children are going through or is an indicator of neglect and/ or abuse.

I went through a stage when I was about 14/15 where I threw away my bed and slept on the mattress on the floor, then I threw that out and slept on a 2 seater sofa...I am sure my parents dispaired of me tbh.

I have not called her a shit mother or an alcoholic, I HAVE stated that it is very much a possibility and her situation makes me think there is indication that something is wrong here. But I have not said it was a definite case of her being a shitty mum or alcoholic.

I don't actually believe the thread is real

True LDN, however, I can only go by what I have read, and don't want to jump on the judgey band wagon and just assume.

My house is no show home. The kitchen is a tip, the garden is full of bits of wood and holes have been dug in the lawn. There is clutter everywhere. Housework isn't my forte. I try to keep on top of the washing up, and keep the bedding changed regularly, I clean the toilet weekly. The shower less regularly. Sometimes I don't hoover for a couple of weeks (eek, I know) but DS has a clean change of clothes daily.

I am lucky to have a father who lives nearby and is a bit of a DIY don. When things go wrong I can call on him to sort stuff out. I am a dab hand with a paint brush. Others aren't, and don't have the warewithall or the money to decorate and repair stuff.

I don't think that alone makes someone a bad parent.

I am not sure I believe this thread tbh.

My flat is cluttered because I have recently moved and am still unpacking BUT I would know if someone had been in here.

I would have to say how dirty and untidy as well as cluttered must a home be to not know someone had been in there and stolen items?

How would you not know?

I also fail to see how someone/anyone would think it acceptable to allow 2 children to sleep on a mattress on a floor while they slept in a bed but also had a bed ready to be assembled.

LDNmummy - agreed "there are also cases where the state of someones house contributes to the neglect and/ or abuse children are going through or is an indicator of neglect and/ or abuse."

The SS have decided this is not one of those cases of abuse, given the SS have met the OP/DCs and been to their home, and no MNer has, then SS are in a better position to decide what is best for this family

Its not a fact the OP is getting help and support for the SS concerns

Its is a fact help was offered to OP, which she agreed too.

The help was offered, it was not compulsory

So suggestions of the SS visit being " preliminary" is simply not true

The OP has repeatedly said SS were not involved.