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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think this woman kicks ass!

215 replies

littlepigshavebigears · 31/03/2011 19:00

went to meeting of Core Offer Monitoring Group at local children's centre (like a governing body)

one of my fellow parent governors was there, she is chair of one of the committees and there was an Ofsted bod in there asking questions

this mum turned up dressed to kill, looking gorgeous, breastfed her 8mo ds in front of a roomful of people (most of them suits) without turning a hair while talking about the information the )Ofsted bloke wanted - at one point she said "Oh yes, the figures you want are in that black file to my left, if somebody could just pass it to you as I am feeding the baby"

I wish I had had that much confidence when mine were little Envy

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 01/04/2011 13:18

I have little opinion in it demented, other than to say if all parties involved thought it appropriate it would be no-one elses business.

Its not the same though, if I am being paid for my time I am at the behest of my employer. If I am not, I am free to decide for myself what is an appropriate way of spending my time.

And worra, nice try but you took definition 2 from your quick google, no 1 is "spare time - time available for hobbies and other activities that you enjoy"
this woman was needed at the meeting AND needed by her baby, she admirably managed to be useful to both.

Is it jealousy of her ability to do both that upsets you so? Envy that you can't? Or an insistance that women should lock themselves in their houses, after all by your definition an woman with an EBF baby has no spare time and shouldn't get in the way of professional people.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 01/04/2011 13:18

Bornagain, you should get therapy for your problem. Hmm

Onetoomanycornettos · 01/04/2011 13:21

High-achieving women are usually quite clever about assessing the context they are in and doing what seems appropriate, hence, in my area (academic) it's quite normal for men as well as women to talk about going to pick up the children, or bringing them in if there is an issue and sitting them on the computer in the corner or breastfeeding the odd time in a meeting.

Professional doesn't mean focusing on one thing at once, it means doing a good job. Being professional to me would mean making the committment to attend all meetings, and I would rather someone turn up with a quiet baby and breastfeed than not turn up at all. Parents, including fathers, often have the odd times where child-care fails, or the other parent can't help out, or the nursery won't take a child but they are not sick. Creative parents have a range of responses to this (hiriing a temp nanny, going with the children if appropriate, getting a friend/grandparent to help out); withdrawing women with children from work and voluntary activities is not a good solution.

As for setting women back in the workplace, perhaps you haven't noticed that women are already set back in the workplace, in terms of pay and in terms of doing low-paid low status jobs which do not match their qualifications. I don't think one lady breastfeeding in a children's centre is really going to make things worse.

No need to make her a heroine, kudos for not closeting herself indoors out of social and public life until she has stopped breastfeeding.

VinegarTits · 01/04/2011 13:22

not read the whole thread but bloody well good for her

the more we normalise BFing the better i say

Onetoomanycornettos · 01/04/2011 13:22

I hasten to add none of my male colleages have actually breastfed!!!!! Now that would be eyebrow raising.

worraliberty · 01/04/2011 13:24

Now you're twisting words to try to back up your weak points Winter

Fact is you and some others are impressed by a woman who was unable or unwilling to sort out her own childcare. She was unable or unwilling to feed her baby before the meeting or even give it finger foods to tide the baby over.

It smacks of "Oh look at me" and sadly that sort of thing impresses you.

I find myself more impressed by working mothers who manage to arrange work, feeding and childcare on a daily basis.

MarianneM · 01/04/2011 13:25

Even if the woman was making a point, it's a point that needs making: breastfeeding is not weird and should be acceptable anywhere. She was probably on maternity leave and still breastfeeding her baby, so why shouldn't she have fed her baby in the meeting?

When I was on mat leave with DD1 there was a restructuring at my workplace, so I had to attend consultation meetings. I took my baby with me as my DH couldn't take time off work. It was absolutely fine with my employer, no big deal.

Scarlett - the woman DID do something exceptional, since a lot of people seem to think that BFing should be done somewhere out of view, and many posters in MN have even said that they don't want to BF because it doesn't fit their image Hmm! So to see a well turned out professional woman BFing is exceptional. Well done I say!

weedle · 01/04/2011 13:28

I don't have an opinion either way here, it's all a bit meh for me.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 01/04/2011 13:30

I'm just impressed that she didn't bow to the ridiculous opinions from the likes of you and sat at home while she could have been a productive member of the community.
Why women seek to put down other women for doing so both confuses and appalls me, so I care nothing about your feelings on the matter.

MarianneM · 01/04/2011 13:31

P.S. If you are on maternity leave and you have to attend a meeting such as the one described in the OP and your partner is not able to look after the baby, what do you do? If your parents or ILs don't live close and since your baby isn't yet in nursery/at childminder's, what do you do if you have to sort out one-off childcare?

Onetoomanycornettos · 01/04/2011 13:32

It's also a peculiarly Western (1950's) view that women could only manage caring for a baby at any given time-point. Do you think all those women in developing countries are carrying round their babies in slings or on their backs because they read a book on attachment parenting? No, they are going about their business, working, cooking, caring for other children, multi-tasking in the true sense.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 01/04/2011 13:33

Plenty of people feel the same WinterOfOurDiscountTents. They are just scared to say so for fear of people reacting like you just did Angry

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 01/04/2011 13:35

Good, they should be scared to say it, your comments about BF babies slurping and dribbling being disgusting is fucked up, not least because FF babies do exactly the same thing.
If you have a problem with women BF in public, its you that should hide away at home.

MarianneM · 01/04/2011 13:35

That may be, BornAgain, but they also need educating Wink!

MarianneM · 01/04/2011 13:37

Plenty of people vote for UKIP but they are still nutters.

VinegarTits · 01/04/2011 13:39

in this country we are programmed for a very early age to think that tits are sexual objects, thats why people (even women) find it discusting

breasts are for feeding, you stupid people

WoTmania · 01/04/2011 13:40

Incidentally there is a Facebook group called historical BF pictures (or photos, maybe?) and many of the women in the pictures are BF, men around and getting on with jobs at the same time. This 'leave the baby with someone else' thing is quite new.

VinegarTits · 01/04/2011 13:41

if you see animals feeding their young (any animal? cats, dogs, cows, sheep?) do you go all cats bum face and shout 'get that thing out of my sight, its discusting, they should be doing that in view of everyone to see!'

bet you dont

Thistledew · 01/04/2011 13:43

To all the objectors-

Would you have a problem if she breastfed her baby whilst working at home?
Would you have a problem if she breastfed her baby whilst working at home and talking to colleagues on a conference call?
As we have established that breastfeeding did not stop her carrying out her role effectively, is the objection simply that she was breatstfeeding in public or that she was breastfeeding at the same time as taking on a responsible, public role?

HipHopopotomus · 01/04/2011 13:44

I hear you OP & I agree - it's great to see BF being a very normal and everyday activity.

Frankly I find a lot of the comments on here very Shock but not untypical of the sort of negative comments that are always bandied about on MN (and elsewhere) whenever someone tries to be positive about BF!

To those of you who feel uncomfortable in the presence of people BF, please be advised the people doing the BF are highly unlikely to give a toss (and indeed why should they).

dementedma · 01/04/2011 13:47

"If you have a problem with women BF in public, its you that should hide away at home."

Nice! So, woman bfing in meeting, 3 cheers.
woman who isn't a bfing evangelist - stay at home "fucked up" weirdo!

Winter that was totally uncalled for. you should apologise to Bornagain, and if you are incapable of arguing your point rationally and without resorting to abuse, then maybe YOU should be somewhere else hmmmmm?

VinegarTits · 01/04/2011 13:51

i think winter had a point actually

NinkyNonker · 01/04/2011 13:52

She's not saying that you have to be an evangelist, but saying bf makes you feel queasy is a little odd, and more the poster's problem than the breastfeeding mother!

Quenelle · 01/04/2011 13:52

I don't think it's 'kickass' or 'odd' to BF a baby in a meeting. It's just 'meh'. I agree 8 month olds don't need frequent feeds but maybe she decided to feed it to keep it quiet, or it just didn't occur to her to not feed it. I bet they were all having a cup of tea as well.

I can't see what difference it would have made. She still functioned as an effective member of the meeting so why the fuss? Thistledew you have expressed it brilliantly.

And this 'childcare' and 'someone else' she could so easily have left the baby with - perhaps childcare is too expensive (unpaid work remember), and she doesn't have someone else. She sounds like an asset to that Children's Centre so it's great that she's able to attend.

Would have loved to have been 'dressed to kill' when DS was 8 months old though. More like dressed like the living dead in my case.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 01/04/2011 13:52

I wonder how we would all feel if a 'naturist' decided to attend a meeting in the nude. They would have the same argument that's it's 'natural', which of course it is. But that wouldn't stop people feeling uncomfortable.