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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman kicks ass!

215 replies

littlepigshavebigears · 31/03/2011 19:00

went to meeting of Core Offer Monitoring Group at local children's centre (like a governing body)

one of my fellow parent governors was there, she is chair of one of the committees and there was an Ofsted bod in there asking questions

this mum turned up dressed to kill, looking gorgeous, breastfed her 8mo ds in front of a roomful of people (most of them suits) without turning a hair while talking about the information the )Ofsted bloke wanted - at one point she said "Oh yes, the figures you want are in that black file to my left, if somebody could just pass it to you as I am feeding the baby"

I wish I had had that much confidence when mine were little Envy

OP posts:
RobynLou · 31/03/2011 22:43

Well I'm freelance and I work for some companies where it's fine to bring children along, some where it's not. Most are fine, I worked for most of them before having children and partook in many meetings with children in, it would've seemed odd to not take DD along to some - they'd be disappointed not to get to know her!

but I work in the arts, it's a different world to most workplaces - thank goodness!

huddspur · 31/03/2011 22:48

YABU Taking a baby to a meeting is inappropriate and unproffessional

babylann · 31/03/2011 22:56

I'm just surprised so many people on a forum with the word "mums" in the title are objecting to women being able to juggle parenting and career/volunteer responsibilities when, apart from someone having to pass her a file, the woman mentioned in the OP clearly proved that the two things can be combined without any problem.

byrel · 31/03/2011 23:00

YABU it sounds to be shocking practice and highly unprofessional

FreudianSlippery · 31/03/2011 23:08

All of you saying it's inappropriate and unprofessional - I don't think you are understanding what these meetings are about (fair enough if you haven't been to one!)

They aren't like a big corporate meeting or anything official. In my local one (central partnership group covering two centres) there are SureStart staff, other figures from community organisations and schools, and interested parents (sadly next week I may be the only layperson but that's another thread) who want to make a difference. It's informal. We have a Creche next door and have sometimes had the children wandering in and out of the room. A baby feeding would not be remotely out of place because it is a Children's centre! :)

AbigailS · 31/03/2011 23:14

Playing devil's advocate here... and hypothetically as I'm well past my baby years ....would people be happy with me taking my baby to, and breast-feeding them during the club I (as part-time primary school teacher) ran after school each week? I'm voluntary and unpaid for that, so I suppose it's the same as the governor mentioned by OP. I personally wouldn't dream of it, I'm there to do a professional job regardless of being paid or not.

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2011 23:17

One of our teachers used to feed her baby in staff meetings...

Biscuit
Onetoomanycornettos · 31/03/2011 23:23

First, many schools do provide childcare for govenors or members of the board, my husband was on the preschool committee and used to bring along our 2/3 year old if it wasn't possible for me to have her. The idea that one should withdraw from public life for many years just because you sometimes have a child with you is very odd to me, all my 'spare time' is spent with my children and I sit on committees and write books in it.

Secondly, kudos for getting on with breastfeeding. There was a thread the other day on how we can promote breastfeeding as usual rather than special, that's a pretty good start. A colleague of mine is breastfeeding her six month old at the moment, and in a recent meeting, had him brought in (by his father who does most of the childcare), fed him whilst taking part in the meeting, then he left and she carried on. She finds pumping is just useless in getting the quantity needed, but with very little maternity leave and being the main wage-earner, what are you supposed to do? (apart from give up breastfeeding). Multi-tasking is always impressive.

FreudianSlippery · 31/03/2011 23:48

Tbh if she had left the meeting to feed the baby, or hadn't turned up at all, she would be getting just as much/more stick for unprofessionalism Hmm

Morloth · 01/04/2011 05:56

Good, I hope she WAS making a point. You can be a Mum, and have your shit together and BFing a baby may make it a little hard to reach things sometimes but doesn't actually affect your capabilities in other ways.

Perhaps what is viewed as 'professional' needs to change to include parenting whilst doing other stuff.

mathanxiety · 01/04/2011 06:16

Considering that most of the 'suits' in the meeting were there because they had unpaid childcare at home enabling them to spend their time at the meeting, then yes, I am impressed by this woman. And so what if she did it to make a point? It's a point worth making imo.

A lot of women do not have spare time to speak up for other people's children because they are taking care of other people's children themselves; a lot of men do have the spare time because there are women available to do the childcare for them.

If organisations are truly serious about harnessing all the available talent there is out there they really should look at providing some sort of childcare during meetings so that women who are parents can contribute more conveniently without needing to jump through all the childcare hoops first.

PenguinArmy · 01/04/2011 06:19

I agree with OP

FreudianSlippery · 01/04/2011 06:50

Very wise post mathanxiety.

violethill · 01/04/2011 07:00

Mathanxiety - what a strange assumption, that the 'suits' would have had unpaid childcare at home. Very judgemental. Its just as likely they have wives at work and children at nursery/ cm etc

Meglet · 01/04/2011 07:19

Yanbu. I think its lovely. A well behaved 8 month old is pretty portable.

mathanxiety · 01/04/2011 07:23

For an evening or weekend meeting I think it is highly likely that there is childcare going on at home. (Although here was no mention of the time the meeting was held in the OP.)

Still, if a SAHM wants to contribute, she has to arrange childcare and possibly pay for it, while the P of the SAHM usually doesn't. A SAHM friend of mine used to spend a fortune on babysitters so that she could volunteer for various fundraising and school events -- not everyone can afford to do this. Her H normally didn't have to think about childcare for the things he volunteered at (coaching sports and a civic committee).

Childcare availability is a hurdle that keeps SAHMs out of the ranks of the volunteers -- I think your last comment illustrates that it is necessary for anyone considering volunteering and I think that's a pity.

violethill · 01/04/2011 07:27

If it was a weekend or evening meeting It is Equally likely the childs father was at home to provide 'free childcare'! The father is equally capable of looking after an 8 month old child for a couple of hours

PonceyMcPonce · 01/04/2011 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

violethill · 01/04/2011 07:47

My children were bf until Nearly 2 yrs old but that doesn't mean I took them everywhere- its not like they need to feed on demand til that age!
Tbh I'm just not very comfortable with the idea of being impressed by bf, it just seems such a normal thing to do. I would feel far more comfortable if the woman (and men) at the meeting were judged solely on their contribution, not on whether they brought their kids along. As we've seen, some posters are already judging the woman as amazing, and the men as 'suits with free childcare' rather than actually focusing on their professional input

violethill · 01/04/2011 07:53

And it also kind of assumes that all the gorgeous looking kick ass women in meetings up and down the country DON'T have bf children, or at least if they do its just not quite as impressive, when the reality is loads of them do- they just haven't brought their children along with them.

AnnieLobeseder · 01/04/2011 07:55

Well done her! I think she sounds like an amazing woman.

ithaka · 01/04/2011 08:02

She sounds fantastic - go her!

All the 'professional women' on here would despise me. I freelanced when mine were babies and on at least one occassion I took a baby to an interview and will have bf while conducting it (I was a features writer). My career never suffered because I filed quality copy on time.

I also competed my horse in endurance, feeding my baby at vetgates - some of us really can do it all.

To some posters on here: enjoy wrapping yourself in sackcloth and hiding yourself from the world while some of us get out there and take it on!

violethill · 01/04/2011 08:23

But many women DON'T hide away- they just don't have their children with them (bangs head on table!!)

MaryThornbar · 01/04/2011 08:49

I think it's good that she felt comfortable to BF in public - however, with an 8 month old, you should be able to schedule BF so that it didn't have to coincide with a meeting.

I wouldn't go to a meeting with a packed lunch and start tucking in as soon as I got there, it wouldn't be appropriate, and I don't think BFing an 8 month old in a meeting is appropriate either. I know my 8 month old would most certainly have exposed me A LOT, and also I would have found it hard to concentrate on the meeting.

Presumably, the baby could have had a cup of water, and some finger foods as a snack if necessary?

I don't think it's particularly 'kick ass' to BF in a meeting - it says that she is probably a little disorganised if anything!

KaraStarbuckThrace · 01/04/2011 08:57

Well I am with the OP as well.
The meeting was a Children's Centre, normally for these a creche is organised but I know from my own experience of meetings at Children's centres it is not always possible, depending on the time of the meeting. Perhaps she doesn't have access to any other form of childcare? I wouldn't have at that age and my DS was certainly feeding 3-4 times during the day when he was 8 months old!
And perhaps the meeting clashed with the times that the baby is normally fed?
She didn't cause any disruption and made a valuable contribution to the meeting. So I cannot see a problem.

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