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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friends are being tight, right?

105 replies

Mammie81 · 28/03/2011 23:37

Im 30 in a month. Asked them to an event which costs £35.

My friends who are a couple have complained to me that £35 is quite alot to spend on one event. Despite them doing the following :

  • Having a wedding on a cruise next year where guests are expected to pay for their attendance, in excess of £500 per person
  • Recent birthday of the female friend in the couple costing over £35 in meal/cinema/gig/travel (NOT a 30th!!!)

Im 30, Ive just had a baby and havent had a bloody drink in a year! And they wont pay £35 for me, when they expect us to pay £500 to see them married?! They are tight, arent they? Im not BU?

PS
They are having the cruise wedding as its cheaper for them as they pay an excess and then just buy wedding clothes.

OP posts:
anonymosity · 28/03/2011 23:39

What did you say?
Why didn't you just say to them what you said in your post about the cost of their events?

LessNarkyPuffin · 28/03/2011 23:39

They're making you go on a cruise? Sod the money, YA so NBU

Original poster
Mammie81 · 28/03/2011 23:40

Ive known the guy since I was 16 and hes very thick skinned so I called him a tight bastard. The female has to be handled with more tact.

He agreed her event cost the same, but then made an excuse about not wanting to do the thing Id arranged.

OP posts:
JarethTheGoblinKing · 28/03/2011 23:41

Don't ask them to an event that costs £35. You can never know the ins and outs of personal finances, you don't know what personal factors affect it. Is it £35 plus drinks, food etc, or all in?

A friend of mine asked me to join her 30th birthday celebrations not too long ago, I had to make excuses becuase I was 6 weeks pregnant and not ready to tell. I just told her I couldn't afford it (because I couldn't anyway) and it woud have cost a similar amount to what you are proposing, just with added travel, booze etc.

Maryz · 28/03/2011 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bohica · 28/03/2011 23:42

Is that £35 each?

just buying wedding clothes can cost thousands loads, what is the excess?

scurryfunge · 28/03/2011 23:42

I would not be going to their wedding if that is their attitude.

LessNarkyPuffin · 28/03/2011 23:43

'I would never have a birthday where I expected friends to pay anything'

Shock You've never been to a restaurant for a birthday?

Original poster
Mammie81 · 28/03/2011 23:45

The event is an all dayer, food and drink can be taken along. The excess is £500 or something close.

OP posts:
elphabadefiesgravity · 28/03/2011 23:46

YABU in the fact that you should not be offended if someone decides they don;t wish to spend money on son=mething. however expecting their wedding guests to spend £500 on the wedding is a bit 0)

Whenever anyone in our family goes to a restaurant for a birthday the birthday person pays.

Maryz · 28/03/2011 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mammie81 · 28/03/2011 23:48

Im not offended if they dont want to do it, if thats the reason. But its not, its that they dont want to spend £35 on someone who they have asked to spend £500 on them (£1000 with partner, unsure yet if baby is free)

OP posts:
LessNarkyPuffin · 28/03/2011 23:50

My heart sinks when my B/SILs look at the wine list Grin

scurryfunge · 28/03/2011 23:50

LessNarky,

I tend to agree with Maryz. If I want a birthday celebration and ask friends then I pay a substantial amount and friends would make up a nominal amount (say drinks).
If friends have done the organising and want the celebration then it tends to be the birthday girl who doesn't usually pay.

expatinscotland · 28/03/2011 23:51

Don't go on their cruise wedding then.

I couldn't.

I couldn't afford it.

TheSecondComing · 28/03/2011 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mammie81 · 28/03/2011 23:52

And her birthday cost £35 at least per person. So its not like they wouldnt ask me to spend £35 on a birthday.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 28/03/2011 23:52

I was brought up with the idea that it's only good manners to pay if you are the host. If I were inviting friends to celebrate my birthday I'd be paying the bill for the meal/day out/drinks/whatever. On those grounds YABU.

Original poster
Mammie81 · 28/03/2011 23:54

As I said, she also recently had a birthday with similar costs. The point is that they will not pay out when its your birthday, but happily ask you to pay for them!

OP posts:
renlovesyou · 28/03/2011 23:57

I think they are being tight given that they can afford to spend (and ask you to spend) that amount, they just seem to not want to for you.

And to ask £500 of a wedding guest so that they can do it on the cheap is quite bad.

MaisyMooCow · 29/03/2011 00:00

He agreed her event cost the same, but then made an excuse about not wanting to do the thing Id arranged

Sounds like he's being awkward as well as tight.

renlovesyou · 29/03/2011 00:06

Im also surprised so many people would pay for their guests to come along. That for one of my friends would be over £500 for what shes arranged! I cant afford to celebrate anything on those terms. If its a meal, we usually split it so the birthday person doesnt pay. Isnt that nicer for the birthday guy/gal?

KatieMiddleton · 29/03/2011 00:24

Yabu to be friends with people who would get married on a cruise ship

Unless they're 80yo.

ENormaSnob · 29/03/2011 08:13

Yanbu

we have friends like that. Expect everyone else to fork out for their dos but won't attend anybody elses. Tight bastards.

I wouldn't be attending the cruise wedding either btw

bubblecoral · 29/03/2011 08:23

YANBU to want them to come, but they have told you they don't want to do the thing you have planned. So they probably don't. Money is they excuse. I wouldn't want to pay £70 for me and dh to do something that we didn't want to do either, birthday or not. And it's probably more than that by the time you figure in drinks and transport.