My friends are being tight, right?

[Mammie81]

Im 30 in a month. Asked them to an event which costs £35.

My friends who are a couple have complained to me that £35 is quite alot to spend on one event. Despite them doing the following :

• Having a wedding on a cruise next year where guests are expected to pay for their attendance, in excess of £500 per person
• Recent birthday of the female friend in the couple costing over £35 in meal/cinema/gig/travel (NOT a 30th!!!)

Im 30, Ive just had a baby and havent had a bloody drink in a year! And they wont pay £35 for me, when they expect us to pay £500 to see them married?! They are tight, arent they? Im not BU?

PS
They are having the cruise wedding as its cheaper for them as they pay an excess and then just buy wedding clothes.

Of course the OP would have chosen to go on a cruise and spend £1k for their family holiday...

I'm amazed at how many people take everyone to the restuarant for their own birthday. Of all the friendship groups I've been part of, the exes and their families (not that there's loads of exes, just lumping them in with all the people I have known) I've never been out to a restuarant and it's been paid for by the birthday person. Most of the time it's been split to cover the birthday person's meal. I would never expect when someone said "we're going out to... for my birthday, would you like to come?" that they're going to pay for me. Yes, even for set prices as The Dragon and 80 Dishes are regular places for us to go or something like a Toby.

The exception to that was our engagement party, we had so many people back out for the second time that we decided it would be cheaper to take the people who could be bothered to come to 80 Dishes.

Mammie, there is such a thing as FREE WILL. You chose to accept her invitation and pay up. They are choosing not to. A birthday celebration is optional. They dont HAVE to come to yours, because you went to theirs. It is not tit for tat! Gawd, how old are you, 7?

And to be honest, going to somebodys wedding cost a lot of money. Especially if you have to travel and stay overnight. The only difference here is that the accommodation is on the water. As usual, the same consideration apply : Can we afford it? Everybody has to calculate this. You are free to RSVP "NO" and not go. We have recently calculated that it will cost us in the region of £4k to go to somebodys wedding, so we are not going. That is the way it works.

YANBU
Surely a good friend would want to celebrate with you, are they good friends?
I am also surprised about the amount of people who say the birthday person would pay for everyone. I have never come across that before at a restaurant although if it was a party at a venue I would not expect to contribute unless specifically asked in advance.

Mammie hasnt said they HAVE to go. She's asked if its unreasonable to take take take (birthday, wedding) and not give back. And I think if you are willing to ask someone for 35 for your birthday, you should expect to pay 35 for someone elses!

asking wedding guests to pay 500 is ridiculous, even more so that people are agreeing. I would pay even if i had the money.

35 isnt too bad, but if they are paying for a wedding they might be cutting right back to afford it. obviously their wwedding is more important to them. if they dont want to pay let them get on with it.

not nice though