to be slightly irritated at my friend's fussy eating DS?

[Flyonthewindscreen]

I had two friends for lunch yesterday, they have three DS between them and I also have two DC. I was trying to think of something easy to make to eat that most people would like so got in various pizzas, and all the usual trimmings, garlic bread, salad, coleslaw etc. As I'm putting it in the oven, friend A says her DS (age 9) doesn't like pizza but does like garlic bread, could he have a sandwich. No prob, I say and make him a cheese sandwich. Then friend B says her DS (also 9) doesn't like pizza or garlic bread or cheese sandwiches. Ok I say, eventually he agrees to eat a jam sandwich. Then I have to put up with my own DC who usually like pizza, etc asking why can't they just have jam sandwiches and then pudding.

My own DD is a fussy eater but in this scenario I would ask for her to have a small portion and tell her to make a token effort. I was a bit irritated by my friends pandering to her strapping nine year old DS (hope I didn't show it!). AIBU?

Lily.

It may be your perspective that fussy eaters are being parented badly. It is not mine. Don't put words in my mouth. You are struggling to feed your DC. You are obviously not prepared to take advice from anyone. Thats your problem.

I don't struggle so I must be doing something right. You continue as you are. No skin off my nose.

Goodnight

Fish - you said 'Children are only fussy about food if their parents allow them to be.'

I think that can be interpreted as you thinking that fussy eaters are down to bad parenting.

Op yanbu. Fussy eaters are a PITA. If your DC has a friend over for tea give them what you are having for tea. If they dont eat it - tough!

Kids will eat if they are hungry. Missing a meal at yours wont hurt them. Theyre mother can have the pleasure of pampering them when they go home.

saggarmalersbottomknocker i agree. Children are only fussy becasue theyre parents allow them to refuse food and give them something else. If there was no something else they would eat what theyve been given in the first place. My kids eat what we are eating. i am a busy mother not a fucking restaraunt.

Fish it is clear from your posts that you consider fussy eating a result to bad parenting. Your comment about food being suitable for a child but the mother has let him have what he wants was very judgy, especially as people have said on this thread that they don't offer anything else when the child is fussy but they still have a fussy eater.

My first.

Guess what - she doesn't eat them either.

oh ffs fishtanks, you said children are only fussy eaters if their parents allow them to be.

I have taken LEGIONS of advice. I have acted on most of it. The only advice that is working is the 'incredibly slowly' approach and waiting for ds1 himself to lead on trying new foods. Every so often he does. But his range of food is still so limited, no doubt many posters on here would declare him to be a PITA.

and we're back to 'kids will eat when they are hungry'.

Just listen - some kids don't. Some kids will get to a point of hunger where they are not hungry, and can't eat because their stomachs are contracting, and they are vomiting stomach juices. It's just crap to say kids will eat when hungry.

I read "precious" as a verb (the child acting preciously) rather than an adjective. Surely all children are - or should be - precious (adjective) to their parents. How can your own child be far too precious to you?

Either way, it's just bloody bitchy and completely ignoring everything being said by the parents with fussy children posting here. Whichever way I read that sentence, it's an arrogant attack. Doling out a load of facile advice to parents who have jumped through every hoop and then some is patronising and insulting.

And by the way, my DD is, to me, precious. I would not starve her for all the play dates/tea dates in the world.

Lookatthetime I don't give my dd anything else if she refuses her food.

So when you don't give them anything else and they are still fussy, what then? No one seems to have answers to that because I suppose it is easier to just assume the mum is making 10 different meals to pander to their fussy eater.

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if it's been covered, but ds1 (9) is incredibly fussy.

I have found that the key to it is to train him that he doesn't need to love everything he eats, or even always like it. If food is served up, particularly when out, the it is polite to eat as much as you can. Now he will eat a bit of whatever's given him, and then say that he's had enough thank you and that it was very nice.

Yes, he's hungry later on, but so what? It's not going to kill him. Nor is eating food he doesn't like.

All my posts have been conveniently been egnored, I guess because I have said I don't cook different meals for my fussy eater and she goes hungry. No one has any answers as to why she is still fussy.

It is easier to just say the mum must be pandering to the child and egnore the mum when says she doesn't.

oh well nappygallor i wonder why YOU think youre child is a fussy eater? And sorry to whoever posted the crap about children starving themselves to death - YABU. Children will not starve themselves to death. Do you ever wonder why they will eat food in school, at aunties or friends but will not eat it at your house?

overmydeadbody has got it right imo. I cannot believe that others have suggested that you should ring round to ask for "preferences" They can go without, and have a drink of water. That will swell the biscuits etc they have had since having no breakfast.

I can see most sides of this argument and I'll sit on the fence -

My mum ate nothing but tomato sandwiches for 2 years as a child because she was so fussy. Eventually the GP told my granny to bide her time as eventually she would eat normal food.

I was a fussy eater as a child and I remember being terrified of going to friends' houses because I wanted to be polite and eat what I was given, but I was scared of what food would be offered. My worst childhood memories include not being allowed to leave the table until the food was eaten, however cold and horrible. One of my best childhood memories was a friend's mother quietly taking me to one side and asking what I would prefer to eat and making me a sandwich with no fuss.

My nieces are incredibly fussy - like Jack Sprat and his wife. There seems to be no common ground between them. Their diets are different from each other, different from the rest of the family and very unhealthy. They are now both quite over weight, as a lot of their food is junk food. Everywhere they go the hosts are given a list of what these girls will / won't eat.

I truly sympathise with fussy eaters as I remember how awful it was to be one myself. For me, the big turning point was learning to cook myself and seeing what went into the meals. Once I knew what I was eating, I felt very differently about food. I still feel nauseous if I smell egg in any shape or form, and my heart really goes out to anyone (child or adult) who feels like that about food.

However, I have had occasions where I've patiently explained to my nieces exactly what went into a delicious beef casserole, how I made it, what it tastes like etc and persuaded them to try just a tiny bit to see if they like it, only to have their parents swoop into the room, tell me they won't like that and ask for chicken nuggets instead. This really upsets me as I feel the parents are continuing to make life hard for themselves, the children and their hosts, when perhaps with some encouragement the children might learn to be more adventurous.

I am fortunate that my daughter is not a fussy eater and will try most foods. She knows that we don't force her to eat something against her wishes, but we don't make anything else instead.

Sorry to be so long winded, but in summary - I think it's awful for a fussy eater and their parents, but I do sometimes think people allow it to continue when a child may actually be willing to start experimenting, with lots of encouragement.

I suppose I have seen the "nanny" program where she goes into a household with a fussy eater and mum and dad can't get the fussy eater to eat anything - then nanny waves a magic wand and get the dc to eat what the parents swore she wouldn't or he.

I have no idea about fussy eaters as my two eat what they are served and always have so have been very lucky.

All my posts have been conveniently been egnored, I guess because I have said I don't cook different meals for my fussy eater and she goes hungry. No one has any answers as to why she is still fussy.

Well I don't like chicken so I don't eat it and when i've stayed at peoples houses and they've cooked chicken for tea I have gone without but of course I can pop out and buy what I do want later on, why must children eat what they don't like ? Providing it's not damaging and refusal of pizza or any other junk food cannot be seen as a bad thing IMO, then so bloody what.

It isn't the job of an occasional host to "cure" a visiting child of fussiness. I consider it good manners to ask adults who come for dinner for any food preferences and would do the same for children. Why get bent out of shape if they don't eat everything that's put in front of them? Just put something in front of them that they do like and thank your lucky stars that for whatever reason you don't have that as one of your parenting issues to deal with. It's unusual for the only food a fussy eater will eat to be oysters or caviar.

My dd is fussy because she won't always eat what she is given yet my ds will eat anyting. My dd will go without dinner, I will not give her something else. She is still fussy, even with the eat it or go without method.

if they were v little dc i'd be more sympathetic to them but fgs 9! imo children need to be taught social ettiquette of being invited for a meal which is you politely accept what is offered and try it.

I am an extremely fussy eater but i'm not rude. if i'm invited for a meal i will really try and stomach what is offered (long as its not shellfish i can usually manage). obviously i am an adult but this is how i've been brought up.

yanbu, kamer - it soundsl ike a fab menu. MOST people would eat some pizza/garlic bread etc. its not as if you were offering tripe with a side dish of snails!

also re the ringing around for preferences - if inviting anyone over dc or not i ask 'is there anything you don't eat?' i think thats more than reasonable unless they have allergies etc.

i think its the asking for different food that irks me over the not eating

I think if the op had rang and asked if there is anything they don't eat and the parent had said no, then the op would have every right to be annoyed because refusing the pizza would have been a whim of the child. However, the child may just not like pizza and the parent may have said if asked.

"And sorry to whoever posted the crap about children starving themselves to death - YABU. Children will not starve themselves to death. Do you ever wonder why they will eat food in school, at aunties or friends but will not eat it at your house?"

It's not crap, I've posted on here about ds1 getting to the point of vomiting through hunger. He went to nursey part-time for 4 years and they couldn't get him to eat. Playgroup tried and failed. Half a term of school dinners - didn't eat a bite. And he is underweight and cannot afford to lose weight.

Don't judge something you clearly know nothing about.

Another foster carer here [waves white flag emoticon]

Actually I agree with fish. I have also had children placed who will not eat anything but convenience foods. But with perserverance and firm boundaries - in as much as I have taken the time to prepare you a lovely dinner and you should take the time to eat as much as you can before you have dessert - the child will eat what is put in front of him or her. I dont think Fish meant that fussy eaters are a result of bad parentaing at all. Maybe the poster who concluded that did so because fish gave examples of children in care.

As a carer I could not give a child a diet solely of the convienience foods they crave. (and are used to). I have also never heard of a child who has starved because he will not eat something different than he is used to. Variety is the spice of life as they say. The children I have looked after have certainly beneffitted from a varied diet. I am from the school if you dont want it thats fine. Put it in the bin but you will not be having anything else until the next meal. Within a short time they will eat mostly whatever you give them. Obviously children dont like everything but imo children should be encouraged to try different foods. Parents have to be creative.

Op yanbu. My DC's have invited children for tea who wont eat anything I have suggested - even the bloody infernal chicken dippers! One has sat down to a lovely roast dinner - as her mum said its her favourite - only to not eat it because "this mash does not taste the same as when my mother makes it". That one has not been invited back and apparently she has not been invited back to any of her other classmates either. There is a fine line between being a bit fussy and being downright rude!