to be slightly irritated at my friend's fussy eating DS?

[Flyonthewindscreen]

I had two friends for lunch yesterday, they have three DS between them and I also have two DC. I was trying to think of something easy to make to eat that most people would like so got in various pizzas, and all the usual trimmings, garlic bread, salad, coleslaw etc. As I'm putting it in the oven, friend A says her DS (age 9) doesn't like pizza but does like garlic bread, could he have a sandwich. No prob, I say and make him a cheese sandwich. Then friend B says her DS (also 9) doesn't like pizza or garlic bread or cheese sandwiches. Ok I say, eventually he agrees to eat a jam sandwich. Then I have to put up with my own DC who usually like pizza, etc asking why can't they just have jam sandwiches and then pudding.

My own DD is a fussy eater but in this scenario I would ask for her to have a small portion and tell her to make a token effort. I was a bit irritated by my friends pandering to her strapping nine year old DS (hope I didn't show it!). AIBU?

of course children don't starve to death, after three days of nil by mouth their parent takes them to the doctor, and the doctor says "For god's sake give the child something, she'll grow out of it!"

So they do ... and she does.

ARE peas a big marker of sensory issues then? I ask because Ds1 will NOT eat peas or sweetcorn, and as a child, neither owuld I, not until I was an adult.

OP did the child in question have sensory issues or any other SN that prevented them eating the foods you offered?

Funny how people on MN ALWAYS have to bring children with SN into threads that clearly do not mention children with SN.

Are there really people who would allow their child to eat nothing for 3 days??? I would have thought the obvious thing is to introduce new foods gradually, making sure that the child has something on their plates that they will eat - the idea being that they will not become too hungry but also get used to having other food on their plate.

Fishtank is right. It takes many different servings for a child to

1. become accustomed to having a different food on their plate
2. playing with the new food
3. becoming accustomed to the smell
4. putting it to the childs mouth
5. tasting it on the lips
6. putting it in the mouth
7. tasting it and deciding he likes it - or not.

if a child is used to eating say for instance fishfingers, chips and beans. Substitute the beans for peas and when he is used to peas substitute the chips for mash and evolve fom there.

No-one is saying children have to eat every food btw. There are foods that children will not eat, as there are foods that adults genuinly dont like. But it is not reasonable for children to eat only a few foods because their parents have pandered to his every whim for too long thus not providing the child with a balanced diet.

"Children are only fussy about food if their parents allow them to be. Most people may not like occasional foods but most people, including children, will eat most foods."

Total TOTAL rubbish. And yes, ds1 would have starved rather than eat many foods. He certainly got to the point of vomiting through hunger. And when he started school, I put him on school dinners with the idea of widening his range of foods.

He didn't eat lunch for half a term. The teachers tried everything. At age 4 he was going from 8am to 4pm with no food. Every school day. Every day he collected a tray, selected a main and a pudding and couldn't eat any of it. He sat and looked at it. Every day. For half a term. After which his teachers threw in the towel and asked if he could be packed lunch.

All the medical professionals said it was much better that he eat SOMETHING, rather than have his weight plummet even further. What's more, if you let a child be hungry enough, they learn to ignore hunger, and won't eat at all.

He's still ultra-skinny, and is ever so slowly increasing his foods (at age 9).

Tbh it's just insulting reading this thread, the assumption that a fussy eater is fussy because they are 'pandered to'. We have tried ABSOLUTELY everything, taken every piece of advice. It is not pandering, it is the way he is. My other children are not fussy like he is.

My aim now is to at least achieve some sort of balance in the diet, even if it isn't the widest variety.

dorie, ds1 has some sort of sensory issues with taste/smell but is utterly NT, no SNs at all otherwise.

Nothing better than a bitchy attack on children, Dorie? At least try to make one that makes sense. I believe that sentence should read, "Some children are far too precious to take/eat anything other than what they demand". At least I'll teach my DD to string a coherent sentence together.

I usually ask what the kids eat if I invite people over.
I have 2 children who are really not fussy eaters at all but they would refuse the pizza because ds1 doesn't like cheese or anything too 'bready' and ds2 is allergic to cheese.
My 2 also have good appetites and would be starving if they were n't offered anything else - toast would do!

Honestly LilyBolero, you will never convince those who are determined to blame the parents.

Just pity their ignorance and despise them

I might have been one of them if I hadn't had a fussy eater to deal with myself.....

I just used peas as an example. The food my friend tried to get her ds to eat was actually potato,he wouldn't eat potatoes then,and still won't, in any form.

Sensory issues are just another example.,and as mentioned I made a distinction between your average fussy eater,and those children who have a fear or very real hatred of certain foods.

I don't regard myself as a fussy eater,but there are a number of foods I won't eat.I do have sensory issues and I'm dyspraxic,but my hatred of parmesan and mayonnaise have little to do with my sensory issues.It's simply the taste I detest,and it'd be a cold day in hell before I ate them,I'd rather go without food for quite some time,before I'd give in and eat them,even if they were all that was offered. And I'd be physically ill if I did eventually eat them.

dorie I have never simply given my dd something else when she has refused and she is still fussy. What do you suggest then?

Mashed potato is one of the worst for ds1, he hates potato of all kinds, but there is something about the texture that makes him vomit. :( And banana - it's the smell!

Lily.

Your DC is not the "usual" fussy eater though is he? He obviously has issues with food rather than just being fussy. Let's face it children will not usually starve themselves to death.

I somehow do not think the OP was talking about a child with sensory issues was she? OP were you talking about a child with sensory issues or merely a child who refused to eat foods otherwise considered suitable for children because his mother gave him what he wanted?

JAlso it is a well known thing that kids could refuse to eat say carrots at home, even if they have been offered 200 times. Only to go to grandma or school and happily eat carrots! Kids can be quite artful at stuff like that and it isn't anything the parents are doing wrong.

Or maybe the kid just didn't like pizza? I suppose it is easier to blame the mother and say she gives him what he wants.

And why shouldn't people mention children with SN? Are you only allowed to mention that you have a child with SNnot that I have,,and share your perspective on the dedicated boards?

My DD is fussy but I hope not rude.
At home she gets offered what we're having if she doesn't eat it gets removed with no comment. She can have a piece of fruit for afters is all.
At friends houses I hope the same would apply. I don't expect anyone to make a separate special dinner for her (very nice if they ask what she likes but not expected) but equally I don't expect them to force her to eat what she doesn't like. I have terrible memories of being forced to eat macaroni cheese at a friends house although I hated and still to this day hate cheese.
I usually explain to people that she might not eat much so please put only a small portion and don't worry about it. It is no big deal to me if she misses one meal. I would rather that than her be pressured about it. It really doesn't work and I should know after 4 years of trying.

fishtank, if my ds1 went to someone's house, they would categorise him as a fussy eater. You wouldn't think there was anything underlying at all, and I try not to also, because I hope he will grow out of it, as his tastes mature, and I don't want him to have a 'thing' that he is a 'fussy' eater.

NumberTaker. Sorry, but Dorie's sentence makes more sense than your "improved" version.

And from what people have posted on here, including yourself fishtanks, you would think EVERY child who is fussy is fussy as a result of bad parenting.

I have two dc and am raising them the same and they get the same food. One is fussy and one isn't.

Explain that in all your wisdom.

That's exactly what some people think Lily. I find it quite offensive TBH.

I repeat. dd is 17 and still an incredibly fussy eater - there are some things she's almost phobic of. It's not because i pandered or handled it badly when she was small it's because she was vented for a long period, suctioned, tube fed, had oral aversion etc. She looks totally normal but if you asked her to eat a banana she would probably chuck up over your kitchen floor.

We must remember that any threads must bring in children with SN when the thread is clearly not about children with SN.......We must remember that any threads must bring in children with SN when the thread is not about children with SN.....

The thread is about a fussy eater. That does not mean the child has special needs ffs!

LIke I say dorie, ds1 is NT. No special needs.

dd is NT.