Care to share mad baby-raising theories? "If your baby is a good sleeper, it's because you are ignoring it" [hmm]

[JaneS]

Courtesy of my dad. Apparently, babies are naturally awake and interested in learning. All. The. Time. If they sleep a lot, it is because you are ignoring them or (worse!) giving them dummies, and you are A. Neglectful. Mother.

Now, I have no babies (yet ... we'd like to), and dad is speaking re. my very pregnant SIL. Dad was not a stay-home dad, and consequently saw his own babies from around 6pm-8am and at weekends. However, were I SIL, my blood pressure would be none too healthy.

So, I just had to share because he drives me up the wall with the judginess and bizarre theories. He also came out with the gem 'Don't worry, I'm sure [SIL's name] will be fine, she's a bright girl - we won't need to correct her much'.

Come on then, share the mad or unspeakably irritating theories you've had flung at you before you had babies/when you were expecting, please!

well I don't know about that one, 1944girl, cos my DS is in cloth nappies and doesn't seem to want to come out of them at 3.4! He's just getting around to the idea now - tells me he wants his nappy changed whenever he's done a wee, which he never used to - I think he'll be sorted in the next month, though, the way things are going :)

Modern cloth nappies are better though, thumb; the fleece lining wicks away the moisture in a way that the old terries didn't. So I think there's something in the theory.

could be, it's true - even though all DS's are homemade, they are indeed fleece lined, with extra terry pad inside and interlock outside. Although I think MIL got the wrong idea - I think she thought the fleece was meant to go on the outside...
She did make some from terry as well but I didn't use those; but having said that, I do have some terry Motherease ones that don't have any fleece? And he doesn't seem bothered in those either?
Perhaps it's the different design - the new shaped nappies don't fall down like the old terry squares when they're heavy with wee...

I feel extraordinarily blessed in that I never had any crap advice.

But the one thing that stands out was when my stepdad first met DS AT 11 wks (my mum came for the birth, stepdad couldn't), he said "co-sleeping is dangerous, I know that!" Dear stepdad is childless, and was never married until age 43 so :o at that!

Crikey, there's a lot of scary stuff on this thread! Haven't had much in the way of advice from relatives but has anyone read the Rachel Waddilove 'How to Enjoy Year One' book? I bought it when pg with DS - it's choc full of 'let the baby have a good shout out' and 'they don't need night feeds after 3 months'. I read it now if I fancy a good laugh but am also a bit mortified by the fact it's in the bookshops now and considered quite reasonable modern advice...

Yes!! I read that LittleMum! It does make me laugh now, but also makes me very Cry it out or controlled crying if not sleeping through by 3 months ...

There is some useful stuff in there on the basics (bathing a baby etc) but the sleep advice is nuts.

MIL was convinced out cats would "jump in the cot and sleep on baby's head and smother her". The cats took 1 look at baby DD, disappeared to the spare room, took up residence on the chest next to the radiator and emerged for meals only, for the first 3 years.

I found the best bit of potty training was sending DD to a lovely nursery who made a little game of trotting the kids out to the toilet/potty area and seeing who could wee or poo first...great glee from the kids plus huge pride at their motions. DD potty trained very easily!

Also from MIL: DD needs a dummy. She spat it out all the time, but no, apparently she really needed that dummy.

And: you shouldn't work, it's neglect, "I never worked" proclaimed MIL. Now DH swears blind he remembers coming home from junior school and going to the greengrocers where his mum worked, sitting in the back room and preparing sprouts by cutting the bottoms off. MIL swears this never happened. However, DH is such a maestro at sprout peeling I am inclined to believe him!

In MILs defence she does say that some of the advice she was given for child rearing (the 4 hours outside in pram stuff) was crap.

My mum passed away about 18 months ago and I am due DC1 in May. i know it sounds awful, but i am glad she isn't around because she had already mentioned some "pearls of wisdom" when i was telling her about friends with babies which made me go

some of these included

• the only reason babies are in nappies for so long is because parents are too lazy to potty train them. I apparently was trained not longer after i could say 'potty' (do think terry nappies/washing may have had something to do with this)
• dummies are used by lazy parents
• mothers who breast fed were lazy because it meant they could sit around feeding all day

You may be able to note a common theme! She did have a thing about being perceived as lazy!

She also was exceptionally concerned about my weight (i am overweight, and know this was a huge disappointment to her) and warned me (years ago - when i had put a bit of weight on) that when i got pregnant i would be weighed 'all the time' and she knew i would hate this, so i better lose the extra and keep it off asap. I did try to explain that was not done anymore, but she would not believe me (i always "knew nothing", if it meant she might lose they argument) This was well before i had begun TTC and really annoyed me. As happened, when i did get the BFP I was at the heaviest I had been. I was weighed once at booking in, offered a dietician appointment (which i took) and it has never been mentioned since. I didn't put any weight on until after 20 weeks (actually lost about 7lbs) and now at 35 weeks have put on only 8.5lbs from starting weight.

as i said, i know it sounds a completely terrible thing to say, but i am more relaxed knowing that she can't comment on everything and make me feel like crap

Strange how so many people have had small unsuitable and hard foods being offered to their babies because my parents are completely the other way and believe that everything should be pureed for as long as possible. They would be horrified when I gave DS a raw carrot to gnaw on for example. Hard foods NO! Because choking, usually on nuts, was common occurrence.

I found their attitude a bit mad but then I read something here once about whether or not nut allergy is on the rise / has risen since their day and it was explained that professionals used to fail to recognise the symptoms of anaphylaxis in the past so the terrible consequences would be put down to choking.

Has anyone elses nanna offered them this pearl of parenting wisdom.....' it is vital to let a baby scream blue murder for long periods - it stretches their lungs and makes them healthy'?????

My outlaws sorry inlaws told me never to pick the baby up. I can remember thinking they were mad and now 6 years on older and wiser... well older anyway I know they were mad

Oh bugger - I do a lot of the crap advice on here, but then I'm an awful parent so it's hardly surprising.

Had a friend who weaned her baby at six weeks insisting it was fine as long as you 'don't tell the midwife'.

Heh, what do you do Stangirl?

RM well I bf for 6months and did spend a lot of time lazing on the sofa watching daytime TV whilst doing it. Whenever it comes up in conversation with friends I always sell Bf on the fact that it's so convenient - nothing else.

My DD is a brilliant sleeper and I always put it down to the fact that I did ignore a lot of her waking from an early age.

Never been a great one for picking up DD if she is just randomly crying - I just check that she is safe and hasn't hurt herself and then leave her.

I think co-sleeping is a bit mad/dangerous and have never done it.

Basically I'm a complete lazy arse and luckily for me DD was the easiest baby possible - I claim no responsibility for this - I suspect my new DC due in July will be a complete sod so I can't just mooch about on maternity leave this time round.

I have to at that, Stangirl, my DS was a blissful baby (and is still pretty fantastic) and I remember the first few months after his extremely shut birth as a lovely lazy time snuggling and breastfeeding on the couch. Sheer bliss and luxury for me as before, I was your typical type A who never stopped.

Shoot, I meant to say "snuggling and reading". I'd have daytime TV going just for the background noise :o

" 'Don't worry, I'm sure [SIL's name] will be fine, she's a bright girl - we won't need to correct her much'. " Too funny OP... you must tell your SIL to write these gems down; could make for a good book.

Just the other day my MIL informed me that the naughty spot idea is such a farce. She said when her kids cried, she would smack them and say, 'Now you have something to cry about' which soon turned to, when they cried, 'Do you want something to cry about?' which apparently then would make them stop. Ya, because really, who wants to get smacked.

My DPs are pretty clued up. When it came to teething they trotted out the "whisky on their gums, that'll cheer them up" line, but in an ironic way, because they knew that I was far too "modern" to go along with it. So I duly laughed at their antediluvian suggestion, and bought some Bonjela, as recommended by my GP. Oh how we laughed (again) when I looked at the small print and worked out that Bonjela is actually more alcoholic than whisky.

[caveat, this was several years ago, they may have changed the formulation]

Oh, I almost forgot my bonkers SiL's pregnancy advice-

If you get the trots while pregnant, you will have a miscarriage. MWs will make you fill up on white bread to prevent this.

HVs will want to look in every room in your house and will make loads of extra visits if you have a history of mental illness so don't tell them.

Labour is massively painful, messy and dangerous (reminded several times during first pregnancy)

Luckily I was too evasive busy to talk to SiL when DD1 arrived so I was spared her gems on raising children.

pissovski don't feel bad for being set free from put-downs. My nan (90) still makes belittling comments to my mum (64) about weight and anything else that pops into her head.

Her recent classic is that my cousin and I have set ourselves up for misery by having DCs roughly 2.25 years apart... The exact age gap between my mum and her brother .

Oh yes, and we make our DH's do too much for us and the DCs (double ).

nothing mad about co-sleeping - plenty of people manage it now and loads more managed it in the past.

Breastfeeding is selfish, because it deprives the other parent of the joy of feeding their baby.

It is cruel to give a toddler a rice cake with no jam on it.

You're not a 'real' mum till you've had two...

LeQueen - can I have your MIL please? Apart from 7 and 8, she sounds great.