Care to share mad baby-raising theories? "If your baby is a good sleeper, it's because you are ignoring it" [hmm]

[JaneS]

Courtesy of my dad. Apparently, babies are naturally awake and interested in learning. All. The. Time. If they sleep a lot, it is because you are ignoring them or (worse!) giving them dummies, and you are A. Neglectful. Mother.

Now, I have no babies (yet ... we'd like to), and dad is speaking re. my very pregnant SIL. Dad was not a stay-home dad, and consequently saw his own babies from around 6pm-8am and at weekends. However, were I SIL, my blood pressure would be none too healthy.

So, I just had to share because he drives me up the wall with the judginess and bizarre theories. He also came out with the gem 'Don't worry, I'm sure [SIL's name] will be fine, she's a bright girl - we won't need to correct her much'.

Come on then, share the mad or unspeakably irritating theories you've had flung at you before you had babies/when you were expecting, please!

I'm sure I've read somewhere about genius babies not sleeping. Maybe I hallucinated though through lack of sleep

Yes definitely babies who are still waking 12 times a night at six months are geniuses. It was the only way I got through being woken at 12, 1, 1:30, 2:30, 3 etc etc.

The following all came from my Dad:

At one month - hold something over DD's face when she wakes up so she becomes mildly hypoxic and goes back to sleep.

There is no medical benefit to breastfeeding after two months, you should just be giving her rusks in a bottle by then to fill her up.

Only babies born prematurely will be on the 2nd centile at 3 months. She needs rusks in a bottle to fill her up.

There is no physiological reason why a baby should be having a night feed at 4 months. You should try putting rusks in a bottle to fill her up.

Leaving weaning to 6 months is what is keeping DD small. Why not start her off with some rusks in a bottle of milk...

AND

Putting in stairgates encourages lazy parenting, you should just teach DD the meaning of the word 'no' (DD was climbing the stairs at 8m btw).

He is a GP which I find quite worrying. What makes this even more bizarre is that when I talk to my Mum I find she ebf all three of us, weaned at 6m and none of us slept through before a year. So all this advice is made up in his head it isn't even derived from his own experiences.

My DD is a good sleeper and slept through from a few weeks. From my Dad when she was 5 weeks -

"You need to set the alarm and wake her up four or five times a night until she cries. Too much sleep makes babies stupid, so dont let her sleep during the day or she will grow up stupid."

Strangely this contradicts with his other words of wisdom

"You were a bad sleeper so after a couple of months I used to give you a double dose of Calpol every night to keep you quiet until morning."

at your dad Veronica

EVERYTHING my mil says.

She is a childcare expert, in her own mind.

Rusks in bottles, breastmilk isn't enough, you're holding him too much/not enough.

My DS was walking at 10 months. My dad said he was too young to walk, his legs were too weak

A counter-balance for those MNetters harassed to toilet-train their infants: my mother says, "It's abusive to potty-train before 3"!

Wow Veronica, your dad has some odd ideas, sorry - it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd followed any of that through when you were children but he sounds as though he really hasn't a clue...

Veronica!

JenaiMarr DS was a real screamer too as a newborn and I definitely put him in his cot a few times and went out of earshot to avoid going barmy. And I've definitely done the long screamy walks with the pram along a busy road! I think people were more advising cry-it-out as a sleep training method rather than a coping strategy ...

Iggly I think Weissbluth cites a study that links sleeplessness in babies to IQ but I'm too knackered to go and look it up

My MIL insists that SIL was reading at a year

that's very late Mummy - have you told her?

I think it is safe to say my Dad's only input into raising us was theoretical. Which is a relief.

DH, bless him, sent him a long ranty e-mail about the benefits of bf-ing after he started nagging me to stop at 2m. And to my Dad's credit once we'd e-mailed him a few research papers describing how bf babies get fewer infectious diseases in the first year of life he did acknowledge that maybe it was more beneficial than he'd thought and he'd stop telling his female patients it was pointless. Which, sadly, is what he has been doing for the last 20 years.

I feel a bit disappointed that my parents and PIL are all so sensible

The only difference between now and when I was a baby is that in the 80s my mum was told to wean at 4 months and put babies to sleep on their sides.

There was a big article on BBC Radio 4 (Today Programme) this morning about this, any connection?

Also on LBC Driftwood
It appears Netmums did a survey of 4000 mums on useless advice.

Hmm, beginning to think all my family are very sane & on target with baby rearing.

My dad says "throw away your thermoneter thermometer temperature measuring device" which I used to think was a bit weird but now think is pretty good advice!

Bwhahaha! Brilliant thread! I'm TTC and finding all these 'pearls of wisdom' very comforting... in that I'm now ready to be told all sorts of nonsense once I'm expecting. I feel more prepared to just smile, nod and then ignore it :)

Drift, not from me - I'm not a journalist trawling around, I promise.

Terra - sounds about right! Good luck ttc.

My favorite pregnancy advice was given to me by an old woman I encountered on a walk when pregnant with DD2. It was "Be careful not to get a fright from the sheep or the baby will have curly hair!"

'Let him scream - you've got to teach him who's boss.'

'Have you been watching a chain gang movie mum? He's six weeks old!'

Mum flounces out muttering something about 'rod for your own back'.

I think that has to be right, 1944girl - washing and drying was a much bigger deal before automatic washing machines of course! I remember my mum had a twin tub that used to stand in the kitchen on wash day, using the kitchen sink for waste, and she had a mangle that stood over the top of it. I'm not sure how old I was when that went and she got her first automatic but I would imagine it coincided with the birth of her twins!

Both my MIL and DM pleasantly surprised me by the total lack of dodgy advice giving. In fact my mum admitted that she goes all cold thinking about sleeping me and my sister on our fronts as she feels lucky we survived.

Mum and MIL looked at eachother when watching DS BLW though and agreed that they were terrified he would choke. First time they had anything in common.