Care to share mad baby-raising theories? "If your baby is a good sleeper, it's because you are ignoring it" [hmm]

[JaneS]

Courtesy of my dad. Apparently, babies are naturally awake and interested in learning. All. The. Time. If they sleep a lot, it is because you are ignoring them or (worse!) giving them dummies, and you are A. Neglectful. Mother.

Now, I have no babies (yet ... we'd like to), and dad is speaking re. my very pregnant SIL. Dad was not a stay-home dad, and consequently saw his own babies from around 6pm-8am and at weekends. However, were I SIL, my blood pressure would be none too healthy.

So, I just had to share because he drives me up the wall with the judginess and bizarre theories. He also came out with the gem 'Don't worry, I'm sure [SIL's name] will be fine, she's a bright girl - we won't need to correct her much'.

Come on then, share the mad or unspeakably irritating theories you've had flung at you before you had babies/when you were expecting, please!

I always thought the one about cutting a baby's curls would cause the hair to grow back straight was mad.

But in DS' case it was true. I miss his bouncy ringlets

That there is a window for smacking: between about 18m and 4yo. Between those ages you are training the child not to behave in a certain way. After 4 they are not as malleable and you're too late, the behaviour is ingrained.

1. This was from my dad, whom I very clearly remember smacking me and sending me to bed when I was 10

1. Naturally we did not do this with ds, who was hard, hard work between those ages and beyond. Clearly we were to blame, pair of softies that we are

1. DS is about 500% better behaved now he's older, which surely would not be true if his theory held any water whatsoever

And from an older woman who was around when ds was born: you MUST have a room where you can put the baby when it is crying unreasonably and where you cannot hear it. They need to cry to exercise their lungs and it will only upset you to listen.

Her children are like this when they talk about her parenting, btw.

(driftwood99; I think that EC - though not by that name- was a lot more common a few generations ago. When I told my mum I was trying it she remembered her nan holding her tiny baby brother out over the newspapers to wee with a little rhyme to cue him. It was probably pretty common in the past to try and use a potty or similar alongside nappies to save on the work of washing them and get babies used to the idea)

Thanks for all of this everyone, I'm feeling much better prepared for future craziness now!

Flamin, how'd you know they wouldn't have straightened up anyway? (curious)

at Prun.

Actually this is one of the things I've not dared to tackle yet but probably ought to do before I'm actually pregnant - SIL mentioned not wanting to smack theirs as she doesn't like it and DB has been told 'She's pregnant, she will be all hormonal and won't be thinking about it properly. When they're little you don't smack you just give them a little tap but smacking was the only way we could stop you misbehaving, you were very naughty'.

DB wasn't, as far as I recall, a juvenile delinquent or anything ...

I just let my dad get it off his chest tbh
It's illegal (here anyway in Scotland) to smack such young children, it's assault and that's all there is to it!

from Czech friends - 'you must stop breast feeding by 6 months to give yourself a break before your next child' (they do NOT like that I'm still bfing DS at 18 months)
'child must be potty trained by 2 years'
'child should not be sitting up before 6 months' (um, try telling DS that, he was bloody standing at 5 months, and DH was panicking because all his family and friends were telling us it would damage him. until we found out DH was the same, and can stand, walk, and even run when necessary at the grand old age of 34!)

From my side of the family -
'you should stop breastfeeding by 12 months, there is no nutritional value to milk after then/child needs cow's milk by then/it's bad for you/him/ and (my favourite) it's not natural'

'if you don't leave him to scream early on, he'll learn how to manipulate you, he should be in his cot awake by 7 every night, and just leave him to it' (in retrospect, this may be true, but when we tried it at 10 months he was utterly inconsolable after 10 minutes, and we felt horrible, so left it until 12 months, when he banged his head repeatedly against the side of the cot, and vomited all over the bed, and now we're trying again at 18 months, and the little sod can climb out of his cot, screaming the whole time. we're buggered, basically)

'if he's not sleeping through the night by 6 months, you're doing somthing wrong' (but no hint as to what that wrong thing might be!)

'he's not sleeping because you don't give him enough attention during the day' followed in the same conversation by 'you give him too much attention, that's why he has tantrums' thanks dad...

GAAAAARRRGGHH!!!!!

I clearly remember my mother telling me that the worst thing about being the parent of a newborn was having to leave them to cry for hours otherwise they wouldn't learn to sleep.

She hasn't mentioned that since I became a parent It does explain our relationship

C'mon, crapbarry, let it all out!

That lot would drive me up the wall ... especially the stuff re. sleeping.

prun - I mentioned to dad once that smacking was illegal in Scotland (we're in England). His response? 'I'm sure they mean something else. Smacking is normal'.

He just doesn't get it, but with luck once SIL is not pregnant and 'hormonal' she'll be able to give him a piece of her mind - she's a good strong-minded lady, is my SIL.

back at your dad. Here's a document about it
www.scotland.gov.uk/Publications/2003/10/18406/28339
It does say it's not banned outright but the definition of what's allowed is quite nebulous. Obviously it's a law to stop a few parents battering the hell out of their kids in the name of discipline, and not many of us are likely to do that, so presumably the sort of smacking I got as a child still goes on.

Ah crapberry, at least you got to 6 months. My mil suggested I take my 9wo ds2 to the Drs as he isn't sleeping all night and "all babies start to sleep through between 6 and 8 weeks"!! She was appalled that we hadn't already been.

But then she seems to think that ds1 needs wearing out to make sure he sleeps through despite the fact that the only nights he doesn't is when she has been to visit.

I have all these .. from my peers

I have been told by friends, colleagues and neighbours about

Whisky & Gums
Rusk in bottles
BF'ing being weird
Leaving her to cry
Sleeping in another room from birth

Shocking really

from a passing random woman: "if your baby is crying, put them in their pram at the bottom of the garden. the fresh air will do them good".

wtf?

I'm sad to read that someone up thread thinks a DH has a point about a 12 week old "training" his mum. WTF.

MIL wouldn't give me back DS when he started crying for a feed as he had to "learn to cry". He was a few weeks old FFS. DH did give her a rollicking for it though and she apologised. After that I just took him back (what is it about being a first time mum that makes you doubt yourself?!)

My mum was pretty good - she was quite laid back. Only asked how things were not how they should be. It's a shame though as we're not very close.

FIL made me laugh when he told MIL in front of me that the advice they were given never worked (she was trying to pass the advice on to me). Gp FIL!

The funniest I was read in a book my mum had. Apparently, Ladies, you should wear support stockings all through pregnancy to prevent varicous veins. If you even want to sit up in bed the first thing you should do is put them on.
The book was quite funny throughout really, with lots on how the expectant mother should feel. It was written by a man.

Wot???? You mean i'm NOT supposed to leave my new born with a propped up bottle of whisky tied to a string, alone, all night until morning???? Shit better go check on him! BRB

Oh my mum also said he had to cry to exercise his lungs and give him calpol to make him sleep. I've told her many times not to talk crap at me!

iggly, your FIL sounds great!

ski - oh yes, we will!

De - that book sounds, erm, interesting. On a related note, why is it that some people seem to think women have a natural desire to clear up poo? There was a comment on that Guardian article about being a mum, where some guy said (apparently without irony) how he didn't enjoy the nappy changing - as if his wife was just programmed to think 'ooh, a bag of shit! How lovely!'.

Dawn I hope there's some good nutritious ground-up digestives in that whiskey bottle young lady!

I am out of the baby years now, so I am a little ashamed to think back and realise that I did actually enjoy the bags of shit
To be fair to dh, I think he did too.

Those first months with your first newborn are weird.

According to MIL, the reason dd1 was a bad sleeper was because we had her at home. When she had hers, you stayed in hospital for a week and the nurses took the babies away each night to 'teach them to sleep'.

If your baby is hungry and wants to feed 'too often' (??) put horlicks in the bottle. She did this with dh at about 6 weeks. He's now type 1 diabetic, I often wonder about that...

Ah, I actually had to wear surgical support stockings after DS was born but that was to prevent DVT, not varicose veins.

Phew he was ok - PISSED but ok!!!

LittleRedDragon - of course I did the whole "crush up a rusk to help him sleep" thing im not THAT cruel!