Care to share mad baby-raising theories? "If your baby is a good sleeper, it's because you are ignoring it" [hmm]

[JaneS]

Courtesy of my dad. Apparently, babies are naturally awake and interested in learning. All. The. Time. If they sleep a lot, it is because you are ignoring them or (worse!) giving them dummies, and you are A. Neglectful. Mother.

Now, I have no babies (yet ... we'd like to), and dad is speaking re. my very pregnant SIL. Dad was not a stay-home dad, and consequently saw his own babies from around 6pm-8am and at weekends. However, were I SIL, my blood pressure would be none too healthy.

So, I just had to share because he drives me up the wall with the judginess and bizarre theories. He also came out with the gem 'Don't worry, I'm sure [SIL's name] will be fine, she's a bright girl - we won't need to correct her much'.

Come on then, share the mad or unspeakably irritating theories you've had flung at you before you had babies/when you were expecting, please!

Ohh, a bag of shit, how lovely :o

Of course, if your nephew or niece is a constantly-waking baby, your SIL may find your dad's advice comforting! Or at least, more helpful than Pampers' emails and ads on the Importance of 12 Unbroken Hours of Sleep for the baby's brain. I'm still angry at you, P&G! Trying to guilt parents into buying your products!

For the record, I think it's bollocks! Babies have been EC'ed or in reusable nappies or whatever for millennia, and thus NOT slept for 12 unbroken hours because of toileting needs, and yet they STILL learnt to recognise people!

And sometime night feeds are necessary, too.

"If you do X you will get Y"

Not advice, but my Nan asked me 'do they check your milk?', meaning do they check to ensure it contains all the right nutrients. Erm no, and neither do I have nutritional information printed on the side of my boob. (Did just politely explain that there is no need).

With DD1 she seemed obsessed with the idea that my milk was not satisfying DD. Not sure how seeing as she was happy, active, and following the 75th percentile.

Can you tell my Mum was FF?

I have a baby that sleeps badly, which everyone seems to have an opinion on though I do moan about it incessantly. One thing I have been quite :( about has been the number of people DH and I know - people in their thirties/early forties - who have suggested full-on cry-it-out, not controlled crying but proper "pour yourself a large glass of wine, shut the door on them and leave them to it - worked for my two" type thing. To be fair to the older generation, none of the usual suspects (mum, MiL, HV) have ever suggested this.

All this advice to leave babies to cry is so :( I think it's the luck of the draw anyway whether you get a good sleeper. My 4 week old DD2 already sleeps better than 2.6 yo DD1.

The best old wives' tale I ever heard is that you shouldn't lift your arms above your head during pregnancy because the cord gets wrapped around the baby's neck. It's hard to imagine how on earth anyone could go for 9 months without doing it, how would they get dressed?

I've also heard all the old rod for your own back, too old for BF, don't pick them up you'll spoil them rubbish.

I wonder what advice our children will be given?

"Only badly-brought-up babies put non-food items in their mouths. You certainly never did. " Apart from the time I nearly choked to death on a newspaper that she'd confidently left me alone with, apparently.

I was very lucky - my lovely MIL adopted my DH at 4 weeks old, so has never been pregnant and was fascinated by my pregnancies and newborns, breastfeeding etc.

She used to ask me loads of questions, and I don't remember her offering me any mad advice.

Mind you I can't believe DH has any teeth left in his head as he used to get bottles of Carnation milk slightly watered down! They lived in Sardinia for a while and there was no fresh milk.

"my cousin quite seriously believes that women shouldn't breastfeed because 'it makes them lazy about getting out of bed to feed the baby'. Women get spoiled and lazy from breastfeeding, you heard it here first. "

Yes, it's true. I am lazy. :o

Mine was when I had DD a couple of years ago, and we saw DH's aunt. I was talking to a cousin with a DD of the same age about putting them to sleep on their backs. DH's aunt was scornful about such stupid "rules" which they never had "in her day"
No doubt you're picturing someone in their 70s or 80s. I doubt she is 45 - could well have another child of her own!

EauRouge - do they think the cor is like a bloody lasso ?

Spoke to my mum yesterday on the phone, and she said that I shouldn't read any books baout pregnancy becuase they'll worry me "just let it all happen", she said.
Yes, mum, I'm a first-timer, I haven't got a clue what my body's doing, or how it's going to change, but yes, i won't read anything about it (disclaimer - I read about everything , it's my raison d'etre, so telling me not to research the pregnancy is like telling me not to breathe)

i'm looking forward to giving BF as my excuse for becoming lazy - it seems so much better an excuse than my current one of just being lazy

nickel - I got the 'don't read anything, it'll all come naturally' shite too - bearing in mind my parents had just finished emotionally supporting me through a PhD, a degree which encourages as much reading as possible around a subject, did they seriously think I wouldn't read about pregnancy and childbirth, and then childrearing, the biggest thing to happen to my body EVER?!

I pointed out that I wouldn't go abroad for a weekend without a guidebook, so bringing home a baby for life required a little reading IMO.

Here is my mad theory (designed to help sleep deprived mothers feel better about their children - having had two wakey babies it helped me):

If a child does not sleep it is a sign they are really intelligent - they are awake more because the world is so interesting them and they need to assimilate all that information.

crap - exactly

Ali - aw, you sweetheart!

Ali - my DS is a bloody GENIUS by that theory :o TBH I'd prefer a thicker child who slept occasionally :o

Regarding baby curls I don't know really. Just my experience. He had silky white-blond bouncy hair until he was two and it has grown back strawberry blond and really wiry. Doesn't grow in length any more it just seems to get thicker. Cutting his hair is like shearing a sheep these days it takes ages but needs must as he wouldn't suit an afro.

I did have all the stuff about only feeding my first newborn for a set period of time from each boob every fours hours from my Mum. She didn't BF me but she knew about it because her Mum did it with all her DC until her milk dried up.

At six weeks Cheers Mum!

Ha ha, Ali - my mum says that about my DS all the time. I'm expecting him to be a bloody genius as well, and make up for all the broken sleep by earning pots and pots of money and buying me a whacking great big house to grow old in

"You should put the baby outside in the pram for 2 hours a day, or they'll get lung problems. You must be careful though, because [insert name of distant family member/acquaintance] had a baby whose eyes were pecked by a bird when it was left in the garden."

"It feels a bit wrong breastfeeding a girl, you wont want to bf a dd as long as you do with a ds."

I actually think that leaving a baby to cry, somewhere where you can't really hear it (bottom of the garden, east wing of the house) could be a good thing if your baby is a constant crier and you're at you wits end.

Ds was a crier. The last thing he needed (once I'd checked the obvious nappy/hungry/wanted a hug) was to be jiggled about whilst I got increasingly agitated. I'd stick him in the pram and go for a looooong walk - babies sound far quieter outdoors, particularly alongside the peak time A4. It saved my sanity.

I wouldn't advocate leaving a baby to wail out of earshot as a method per se - I can just see the logic in it.

Flamin - both my DCs had tight blonde curls as toddlers - DD is now 6 and she has straight brown hair so we are waiting with interest to see what happens to DS. It just darkened naturally in her second winter.

My dad (an engineer) carefully charted everything we ate as babies to see how much we needed to get through the night. He drew up graphs and everything. Then he forced us to drink the 'right number' of ounces to ensure that we slept . When he came to see newborn DD he was quite annoyed we didnt have beautifully arranged charts to show him.

That shouting and smacking your 18 month old is the best way to get them to pottytrain. It worked but I have isshhooos.

My grandma gave me her weaning charts (wtf is it with charts in my family) and recommended mashed calf brain as DD's first food as that was my mother's first food 'and she gobbled it up'.

A very old-fashioned Swiss pediatrician told me I should never use a sling for DD as I could cut off the blood supply to her legs. He then trotted out a series of stories about babies losing their legs due to incompetent parenting.

Ought to add I'd stick ds in the pram and take him with me

Because I diddn't crack Alf one yesterday when he was kicking of massively, he has 'won'. (Courtesy of my dad).

Funnily enough, he today has developed an ear infection and conjunctivitis. And is constipated bless him. THAT is why he has been kicking off.