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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why so many people think it's OK to slag off London to a Londoner's face?

118 replies

LittlePickleHead · 27/03/2011 11:00

This has been irritating me increasingly, and after yet another comment yesterday ('ohhh you've even got to pay to have a piss') I had to post.

I live in London and have for 12 years since I moved here for uni from a small market town in a the lovely west country. Yes it was a culture shock but I have grown to absolutely love the place, warts and all. I do understand it's not everyone's cup of tea, and I completely appreciate that some people would rather eat a smelly sock than live here.

However I just don't understand why, practically every time I visit somewhere outside of London, someone will ask where I come from and react to my reply 'oooh no, I don't envy you, London is really smelly/unfriendly/expensive/uncultured(! - really had that)/dangerous *delete as appropriate

I don't give a shit if people think that, but it's so incredibly rude to say that to someone who lives there! If someone visited London from another part of the country and told me they live in (for example) Telford, I would never dream of saying 'oooh poor you, that's really boring and tacky and has a shopping centre for a town centre, I'd HATE to live there' as that would just be fucking rude (even if I thought it - which DISCLAIMER I don't, though the town centre is a bit of a strange concept)

Getting a bit fed up of it now, it's even a few of my friends from home who have never left who feel the need to make a dig about London when I see them. I understand why ther prefer the countryside, but tbh it's getting a bit annoying now, as I have chosen to live here it feels like a direct insult on my lifestyle (plus the 'everyone is rude' thing would also include me and my friends and it's just not true)

So, AIBU or should Londoners just suck it up and accept everyone else is just jealous? Grin

OP posts:
toeragsnotriches · 27/03/2011 19:27

thefirstMrsDeVere me too! And I love it.

I don't slag off places I don't know. So many people come to London and think they know it from, err, Leicester Square etc etc. Or they drive through Mare St in Hackney (my manor) and assume it's all like that. I lived in Manchester for 6 years and was brought up in the Kent countryside before I moved here 10 years ago and met as many rude people and as many lovely friendly types as I have here.

ThisFeelsWeird · 27/03/2011 19:34

It's because, as the capital city, London doesn't really belong to anyone so people don't feel they are attacking you personally when they criticise it. They know you are probably not born and bred. I have lived here for a decade but neither I nor any of my friends are from here. Most people on the streets of London are either from other countries or other parts of the UK.

Slag off my home-town and that's another matter. Slag off London? I don't care.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 27/03/2011 19:49

London is my home town though.

I cant say I get that bothered. Its annoying when people trot out sterotypes like 'its unfriendly' or racist crap like 'its full of immigrants' as why they dont like it.

Its friendly. People are very chatty round here and they love to coo at babies. I have been to 'friendly' places where they just look at you like you are going to nick their bag.

MavisEnderby · 27/03/2011 19:57

I loved London on my recent visit.So much to do.

My only gripe would be cost of living.DB is paying £800 rent pcm for shared house.

Could be worse op,you could live in the worst city in England like me,:o

mousesma · 27/03/2011 20:04

YABU for taking it so personally. Unless someone is actually calling your house a shithole then whats the problem?

I've lived in London all my life and know that some people don't like it and will tell you so. I've never taken this personally its just an opinion. People are allowed to dislike things that you like and its OK for them to say so.

youcangetpregnantstandingup · 27/03/2011 20:07

I think it's jealousy - I would love to live in London!

cakeandcustard · 27/03/2011 20:12

YANBU I'm from London and live in the North East, if you talk to any local people round here you'd think London was a concreted hell hole, full of rude and arrogant people who don't have basic manners. I don't mind so much if they don't like the place its just the associations they make about people from London, I've found there are rude and arrogant people just about everywhere tbh (and some very lovely ones too :))

givemesomespace · 27/03/2011 20:23

YABU to worry what other people think. Anyone who can't see the positives in a city like London is gonna live a bloody boring and and blinkered life.

As for cost, Paris is twice as expensive as London - and guess what? It's an awesome city too!!

I guess you'll never get some folk to leave their very own Royston Vasey. "Local shop for Local" people and all that.

ArthurPewty · 27/03/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kerala · 27/03/2011 20:54

YAdefNU. I recognised it as a phenonmen when I told people I was moving from Bristol to London in my twenties. People fell over themselves to tell me its busy/dangerous/awful etc etc but somehow if I had pointed out the faults of their hometowns to them that would be unforgiveably rude. I concluded its jealousy pure and simple. Bloodly annoying as I lie through my teeth about insignificant things (wow a new build in Telford that must be a great place to live) to make people feel good but they didnt do the same for me Grin.

figcake · 27/03/2011 21:08

I would say that if you have lived here a good ten years and love London enough to start this thread then it would be rude to class you as a non-Londoner. I did not think there were specific criteria in place to weed out the imposters from the true Londoners?

Matsikula · 27/03/2011 21:14

I think maybe the simple fact of being annoyed if someone slags off London to your face sorts the life Londoners from the (very welcome) converts. If someone does it to me, I am just a little bemused.

Emmanana · 28/03/2011 01:41

I live in London, and have also lived in a couple of other countries for short periods.
I totally get what the OP is saying.
It's the sneery and superior stance that people take when they slag off the city that can grate. 'Ooh you're from London'.
TBH I'd much rather live in a city that gives you chance to learn more about the world I live in. I was bought up in a small town in Kent, and when I first came to London to work, and rented a bedsit etc, my departure from the neighbourhood was almost mentioned in hushed tones 'You're going to London?????' like it was the last stop before Mars.
My parents still live in Kent, and I'm still considered slightly Avant Garde for having bought a place and lived here for over 20 years.
Each to their own, but I wouldn't have been content to have stayed where I was, with job opportunities limited to a few hours in Tescos or the local factory (like the majority of girls I went to Primary school with)

I don't find it necessary to criticise them for their choice of where to live.
If people want to sneer at the place I choose to live, they have the problem; they obviously define people by where they live (including themselves)

kf1979 · 28/03/2011 02:23

OP, YANBU!

I now live on the other side of the world (Shanghai) and still get mightily pissed off with people slagging London when I'm asked where I'm from.

Most recent example:
'Where are you from then?'
'London'
'Oh, I'm sorry!'

What?? How rude can you get? I would never comment negatively on someone's hometown so can't see why people feel the need to do so about London. If you don't like it, just smile and nod politely then move on!

anonymosity · 28/03/2011 04:07

OP you aren't a londoner - you say yourself you come from a small market town. If you were born in London or spent the majority of your life there you'd be a Londoner - you don't automatically become one just because you live there now after a few years. I lived in London over 25 yrs and don't call myself a Londoner because I live in the US now. But that doesn't make me American either...

but I agree, its rude to slag off London, its a brilliant place.

secondcity · 28/03/2011 08:56

Why isn't the OP a Londoner anonymosity? London isn't Royston Vasey, as mentioned upthread Grin One of the best things about London is that it is constantly changing, and new people can claim it as their home. I have always been of the opinion, like other posters, that people who are rude about London are just jealous. I know this is quite a crude assumption, but I really really can't think why else they don't like it!

Fresh2death · 28/03/2011 09:27

people who are rude about London are just jealous

classic

HipHopopotomus · 28/03/2011 10:14

But it isn't really about London is it???

People feel free to slag off anywhere "else", or anywhere that isn't "home"! Oh the slaggings people have given me about NZ (where I originate) - most of them have never been there either, or I'm going to Wales on holiday and half the people who know will slag it off and ask why on earth would I want to go there (with the other half saying oh lucky you, I had a fantastic time in XYZ a few years back ......), or Glasgow, or Scotland or where ever.

People here (and maybe the world over?) just seem to like to slag off other places - maybe it makes them feel better about where they are living especially as so many people don't CHOOSE where they live, they simply inherit living in their part of the world or they just end up there and feel the need to 'defend' their manor by attacking all alternatives.

And if you've lived in London for 12 years and FEEL like a Londoner, you are most certainly a Londoner! (I've been here 16 years and have considered myself a Londoner since about year 8)

Gooseberrybushes · 28/03/2011 10:16

They are jealous.

Original poster
LittlePickleHead · 28/03/2011 10:19

Actually I lived in my home town from 4-18, so 14 years, and I've lived in London for 12, so I'm not far off living here longer than I've lived anywhere else. Not that it matters though. In some ways the fact I have chosen to live here (rather than it being an accident of birth) makes it more insulting when others choose to blatently diss it to my face without being asked as they are passing judgement on my life choices.

And mousesma why shouldn't I take it personally? Surely if someone says 'everyone in London is rude and unhelpful' that includes myself and my friends? I don't take it personally though, other than when people assume things about me because of it (i.e. I must be rich and can afford double the taxi fare - though I wish that was true!)

I don't know if 100% agree with the jealousy thing, but it is weird. There are plenty of places I have no real desire to live, but I don't feel strongly enough to be rude about them if someone says they are from there. The strength of feeling about London in particular is just odd (especially as most of the comments are not even true)

OP posts:
brass · 28/03/2011 10:20

Not just about London. I find people say it to rationalise the decsions they've made for themselves.

We've had friends who have moved out of London and it isn't any better (work, schools etc - because they complain about that) where they've moved to but will make comments about how great it is that they aren't in London anymore. I think to myself 'fine, but you couldn't afford to move back here if you wanted to anyway' and 'you couldn't pay me to live where you live'.

It's more about saying out loud that they did the right thing and wanting to hear from you 'oohh aren't you lucky' or whatever.

I don't do it personally. I keep my thoughts to myself. You'd be slagging off someone's home after all.

Original poster
LittlePickleHead · 28/03/2011 10:21

HipHop that is the weirdest thing, the slagging off with actually no genuine knowledge of what the place is like. I'd hedge my bets that most people like this aren't very well travelled, because having knowledge of a wide variety of places actually opens your eyes to the positives (and negatives) of practically anywhere.

Love NZ by the way, what on earth could they find bad to say about it?

OP posts:
charitygirl · 28/03/2011 10:22

Oh come on now, who cares? I've lived in London all my life, and I know its good and bad points. Maybe I just have a whopping superiority complex but as I like living in London, I couldn't care less what others think.

Love to holiday elsewhere in the UK, too, though.

I suppose, when I hear people slag it off, I sort of think 'you couldn't hack it here anyway'...

charitygirl · 28/03/2011 10:30

And actually, I donlt think I'd like it is everyone loved London. It's good to live somewhere polarising - New York, Berlin, Paris!

Original poster
LittlePickleHead · 28/03/2011 10:36

See, all those places you've mentioned I just think 'ooooh brilliant, I'd love to go there/back there'

You are right I guess, I just wish people would show me the same courtesy I show them when I bite my tongue and don't mention that where they live is full of ruffians Grin

OP posts:
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