To not want to look after future Grandkids particularly

[MrBloomEatsVeggies]

I was sat in the garden with my (exhausting) pre school DS's the other day, Mum was over and we were sat drinking tea. She does a good deal of babysitting (mainly for my sister, I ask about twice a year!). We were talking about threads on MN, the ones where people are complaining about lack of help from their parents. Stuff like, why doesn't my mum/mil help out with the kids more etc (there's a thread like that at the mo)...

I said to mum that the only bonus to being an 'older ' parent was that by the time my 2 have DC's, I'll be so old (unless of course, they procreate at a v. young age) that I won't be trusted to look after their DC's. It was tongue in cheek (slightly) of course, but I really don't want to spend my dotage running around after preschoolers. Of course I'll be thrilled to have GC, and hoping they have them...they will be cuddled to bits and spoilt rotten.

Mum laughed but was a bit

AIBU?

Agree with you broadly FattyArbuckel.

But I do think too much emphasis is placed on this provision of free childcare, as if its some sort of 'measure' of care and involvement, which is actually quite a distasteful idea. It smacks of "If the grandparents agree to childmind for me, it enables me to keep all my earnings for myself and not have to spend a fat wodge on childcare, therefore, I'm going to view them as more loving and caring and involved"

There are so many variables in these cases. It's not just a question of whether a parent is in good health, but what other commitments they have etc. And also - a big one here - are they able to offer reciprocal arrangements for all their children? And - perhaps the biggest one of all - is this genuinely the best care for the children, or are the parents swayed by the fact it's free?

Have a trawl on MN... there are numerous threads from people who use GPs for childcare but are then in conflict over issues of child rearing. There are couples where one parent wants to use GPs but the other would prefer nursery. There are threads where one sibling feels disadvantaged because the parents look after one set of grandkids but not another... and also threads where its clear that although the GPs have agreed to provide childcare, its obviously taking its toll, but they feel they can't say no. There are threads where one set of GPs are able to provide childcare but the other set can't, and are made to feel second rate.......

The debate should be about whether GPs are caring, loving and involved. And you can be all those things whether you live across the road or across the globe. Once it becomes about whether the GPs are up to tying their lives down to fit around their adult children's work commitments, it's rather losing the point IMO

"But I think by the time you are an adult you shouldn't expect your parent to put you first anymore."

Completely agree with this.

Or in my case where my 61 yo FIL had a baby with his (younger) second wife. They're too busy looking after his own DC to want to help with mine.

we have our GD twice a week while mum and dad are at work and we look forward to those days more than any other days in the week, she is a joy and we hope to be helping with a new GG soon too.

My GPs live in another country and about 500 miles from me. I am 42. My Nan still sends me tights from M&S as I am "abroad" and can't possibly access hosiery She sends cards and money to each of her multitudes of gcs and ggcs. She is 82 and still as involved as she can be. I have been told off this week for not sending recent photos of dd - they have forgotten what she looks like. She will be getting a nice little package for Mother's day. No family member has EVER done babysitting/childcare for me though ever.

Think this largely depends on relationships. My Mum and I are so close, and she would therefore happily have my DC for a day. I do not want her committed to it though, so she helps me with emergencies, occasional babysitting. She knows that I will help her any way I can too, and as she and Dad age, that may be necessary. But we all do this happily because we love each other . I expect it will be the same with my DC, if we have a fantastic relationship like that. My favourite thing is to spend time with my Mum and my DC together, rather than dropping them with her.

Yanbu. I was thinking the same thing the other day. One of the toddler groups I go to has more grandmothers than mothers. Makes me sad to see a pensioner run ragged by a 2 year old. It knackers me and I'm 30! Most people round here are fortunate enough to live close to families, this means free childcare while they work in average jobs to fund lifestyle choices (as opposed to working to keep roof over head or maintain career and/or sanity ). I'd love to work pt but I feel my mother/MIL has done her bit so I just ask for the odd Sat night babysitting rather than the 8-5 mon-fri type. I feel that would be taking the p, even though they'd agree to it.