Or rather WIBU...to talk to this boy at the pool?

[Clary]

Was just leaving the pool when I saw a well-grown lad in the women's changing room.

"Oh you're a big boy to be in the women's room," I said, kind of jokily. He said he was 10. Oh, I said, well when you're 8 you're supposed to go in the men's. "My mum said," he says. Oh well, I said, and wandered out.

The mum pursued me - Why were you talking to my son? He's with me - would you let yr 9yo go into the men's ch room [yes], well you might but I'll do what I like, don't talk to my son again etc.

I mildly said that the rule at council pools was 8yos in right-sex ch room. She stomped off to check, pointing out that I don't work there - which of course is true, but I do swim there, which I think gives me a right to tell someone when they are in the wrong place.

But am I wrong? Should I have said nothing - or maybe said something to the mum? As it goes, I am heartily in favour of the rule - I think it's to the highest degree ridiculous to be worried about a 10yo NT boy in a men's ch room, as well as infantilising for him. Surely (SEN aside, and of course I do understand it's not always visible) he can get himself dry and dressed? And whether or not I am OK with a 10yo boy seeing me getting changed, I know most 11-12-13yo girls certainly would not.

But should I not mention it? Am I breaking some unwritten law?

Our pool has a large changing area, where the showers are situated and two, yes TWO cubicles - without doors. I would say that is probably the case with the OP. If there are cubicles to hide change in and a shower that is not on show to everyone in the communal changing area then I'm not sure the OP would have been upset by a mother forcing suggesting her overgrown child ogle look at the floor whilst females bare all.

Eden. You have cubicles?? Your LA Swimming pool is posher than mine

Yes, all the pools everywhere I've ever lived or visited have had cubicles, even going back to my earliest swimming experiences in the early '70s. (And no, I haven't ever lived anywhere posh, mostly run-down seaside towns and land-that-time-forgot type places!) I've never even heard of everyone changing in the same room before, but since this is apparently the case for some of you, I can now see why you are so upset about the boy being in there. I agree that it would be inappropriate to have him in there if everyone was naked. I think it's inappropriate for anyone to have to get changed under those circumstances!!

And I can't see that OP was wrong in talking to the boy, but you do have to be careful. Not that it's the same thing, but I recall DS2 coming out of the motorway services toilet once, quite upset, as a man had told him off for being in the men's and said that he should be in the ladies' loo. He was 8, so I'd thought it more appropriate to send him in there. As we went out to the car park, the same man came up and had a go at me about it, too. I asked him what the problem was and he replied that 'a girl of that age' shouldn't be in the gents, especially not on 'her' own. I pointed out that 'she' was actually a boy, something that should've been glaringly apparent, since 'she' was stood at the urinal with 'her' willy out, having a wee, when he first had a go!! So I guess sometimes you might end up getting a mouthful from an angry parent if you're an arse not careful!

Of course YANBU. Of course he shouldn't have been in the women's changing room, he's 10! He is perfectly old enough to get changed in the men's changing room. I think people on here who say otherwise must have boys that they treat as babies when they are 10! As you have said there is even a family changing room, so he and his odd mother can go there. It is highly embarrassing for girls and women to have boys (over 7 in my opinion) looking at them in the shower and changing. Women who think otherwise must be a bit odd!
I have reported the same situation to staff at the local leisure centre. They do nothing about it. What do these women think will happen to there 10 year old boys in the male changing rooms for goodness sake!