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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have sent 4 yo dd to bed with no story for this..

290 replies

camperli · 25/03/2011 19:48

Having dinner in a hotel and had (pre) ordered a fancy dessert for dd.
She was off having a play in the kids' playroom when dessert came and when she came back I offered her mine (same as we had ordered for her) as they had not brought hers and I was too full to eat all of mine.

DD refused to eat mine and insisted at length on having her own. Eventually I thought, well, we have ordered and paid for it so we may as well get it, so I asked for hers to be brought. They brought a child sized version of mine, not so pretty or so much. She tasted one bite and then pushed it away and said she didn 't like it and wouldn't try any more.

I'm afraid I saw red, marched her to our room immediately and sent her to bed with no story. When asked by very tearful dd why she was being sent to bed, I answered that her behaviour had been selfish and greedy, but I'm not sure that that is an explanation a 4 year old can understand. She has fallen straight asleep.

I am still really angry, but don't know how to explain this come tomorrow morning. Also not sure if my reaction is appropriate.

OP posts:

girliefriend · 26/03/2011 20:21

You could have just rolled your eyes and said 'oh for goodness sake you asked for that pudding and now look how much is going to be wasted, oh well never mind why don't you go off and play for a bit.'

Because she is a little girl and thats what kids so, I def think you need to try and chill a lot more and be extra nice to her tomos.

And fwiw I atually don't think there is much my dd could do that would cause me not to read her a bedtime story, I would hate for her to go to sleep feeling cross/confused/upset

dittany · 26/03/2011 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SouthGoingZax · 26/03/2011 20:24

You have changed my views about lots of things, Dittany. Thanks.

I know sometimes it is like pulling teeth helping people to see things in other ways and I am very impressed how patient you always seem!

Hulababy · 26/03/2011 20:25

I agree re the hating to see a child go to bed upset. My great grandma used to always say that you should never go to bed on an arguement, always make up beforehand. Thinkl this doubly applies for children.

earlyriser · 26/03/2011 20:26

I agree, development isn't always a desirable state, but the term Third World implies that they aren't as good as the 'first world' and that just isn't always true (as you must be aware).

if you use 'satisfaction with life' indicators or 'happiness' indicators instead of purely monetary ones then many people in these countries are far from being third class citizens.

I do get what you are saying re the waste of food, i really do, and i totally get we have a responsibility to reduce our consumption but [shrug] there is no point throwing stones if you live in a glass house.

earlyriser · 26/03/2011 20:28

SGZ So now dittany is your best friend??

stomps off in a huff

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 20:31

er - who is talking of throwing stones? We are talking about trying to bring up our children to be better about managing things than we have been, aren't we?

If we can't do that then what hope is there? In the end it's about trying to make it easier for them to develop the habits that may well turn out to be indispensable as the world becomes a tougher place.

earlyriser · 26/03/2011 20:35

Arggg, i mean that you are being quite preachy about not wasting food when you have admitted that you are probably taking more flights than most people on here. You are saying we must bring out children up not to waste, but still you are teaching your son it is ok to fly on a regular basis.

It just smacks of double standards. Not eveyone flies as often as you do, not everyone consumes the same amount. Yet it isn't ok for a 4 year old to leave a pudding she didn't particularly like.

SouthGoingZax · 26/03/2011 20:36

eco, you are throwing (rather patronising) stones at us, (the others on the thread), suggesting that we don't care about waste (even though you have no idea whether we care about waste or not).

You, on the other hand have made it quite clear that you are standing inside a glass house throwing those stones because you have stated that you have taken a number of long haul flights as a family, thus wasting (or using, as you would have it) a huge quantity of the world's resources.

The saying goes "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"

You're in a glass house. Stop throwing stones. It's your own windows you are smashing, you know.

SouthGoingZax · 26/03/2011 20:37

We were made for each other. Will you come to my party?

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 20:37

Her mother was annoyed with her and asked if she was BU to be so - I don't think so and those are my reasons.

Sorry if I'm preachy, don't mean to be. Not sure who I am preaching at?

SouthGoingZax · 26/03/2011 20:39

the choir?

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 20:39

Please point me to where I told others that they don't care about waste - I was responding to the OP's AIBU....the fact that I didn't and others did makes me preachy?

risingstar · 26/03/2011 20:42

yabu but you already know that.

tommorrow tell DD that you are sorry, you were tired and you over-reacted and that you didnt mean to upset her.

kids can deal with parents being a bit irrational and indeed unreasonable- but sorry goes a long way to address the balance.

you were expecting a little too much from a 4 year old in an overstimulating environment

earlyriser · 26/03/2011 20:43

SGZ i thought you'd desserted (sic) me!

SouthGoingZax · 26/03/2011 20:47

Your whole tone is preachy. That's why you have had so many comments back to your posts.

And btw, it is rather unfair to lay the starvation of some child in the developing (or third if you want it your way) world at the doorstep of your four year old if he doesn't finish his dinner.

earlyriser · 26/03/2011 20:47

ecobatty with all due respect i think you got my back up when you said that (and i'll paraphrase as i cba scrolling back up) even your 4 year old had a grasp of world economics and the problem of wasting food (while jetting around the globe)

I absolutely agree with not wasting food, but i don't think this was the issue here. And if the the op wasn't being unreasonable at sending her child to bed with no story, what exactly should have been the mother's punishment for wasting her pudding- if her dd was guilty of waste, then so was she.

Now i'm off to finish my wine and crisps for fear of being accused of wasting food

SouthGoingZax · 26/03/2011 20:48

Never!

(well, actually, I am gong to now - off to bed.....)

Night all

Besom · 26/03/2011 20:56

What risingstar said.

sundayrose10 · 26/03/2011 21:03

on page 6...has the op returned? I can't read any more - so tired. Was enraged reading her op and by page 6, I'm left feeling sorry for her, haha. Oh well.

harecare · 26/03/2011 21:14

ecobatty - I hate waste, we all hate waste. You don't need a degree in economics to know that ordering food you won't eat is uneconomical. Therefore using your own arguments the OP is wasteful and therefore at fault/unreasonable.
Going on about supply and demand to your 4 year old is fine if you like, but no need to boast about how marvellous he is to understand his extraordinarily clever Mummy's economic analysis of his eating habits. It makes you sound irritating. Your flying habits sound very wasteful as they are not necessary. Heard of Skype?
The OP was the one who over ordered and if DD heard the order or chose the food herself she would have thought it very wasteful to order and pay for something and then not consume it. She persisted until her pudding arrived and I can't blame her. She made an effort to consume it, didn't actually want it, but at least she didn't let it go to waste... which is what she may well have thought would be the outcome had she not persisted.
If I was the OP I wouldn't have ordered pudding before eating my meal, so she is unreasonable.
If DDs pudding hadn't arrived and I didn't want mine I'd have cancelled DDs and given her mine as if it was hers. If that con didn't work I'd let her know that hers had been cancelled so she could eat mine or nothing.
If DD got upset I would assume she was tired and start getting her ready for bed.
The child acted like a typical 4 year old and the mother got wound up and angry. No big deal really.

justhavintheone · 26/03/2011 21:24

i would have ate both puddings :)

valiumredhead · 26/03/2011 21:25

Yep, me too justhavintheone

cantspel · 26/03/2011 21:37

What a load of fuss when all the op needed to do was ask for a doggy bag and taken the pudding's home to be eaten later or is asking for a doggy bag to low class or something?

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 21:50

"but no need to boast about how marvellous he is to understand his extraordinarily clever Mummy's economic analysis of his eating habits" - I didn't. I said that rather than tell him he is greedy and selfish (as the OP did) I tell him why I actually object so much.

Then someone told me that he couldn't understand and if he did he didn't give a shit. To which I responded that that wasn't true, and that maybe (rather than being because he is advanced as the other poster suggested) it might be because he has seen certain things first hand. In no way did I say he was marvellous for this (he is marvellous, but just because he is :)).

As a result I am accused of looking down on others on the basis that they waste . I am not completely averse to posting provocative things for amusement but am pretty baffled at this one, tbh, as I really wasn't. I just felt the OP was getting a slightly one-sided answer.

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