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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have sent 4 yo dd to bed with no story for this..

290 replies

camperli · 25/03/2011 19:48

Having dinner in a hotel and had (pre) ordered a fancy dessert for dd.
She was off having a play in the kids' playroom when dessert came and when she came back I offered her mine (same as we had ordered for her) as they had not brought hers and I was too full to eat all of mine.

DD refused to eat mine and insisted at length on having her own. Eventually I thought, well, we have ordered and paid for it so we may as well get it, so I asked for hers to be brought. They brought a child sized version of mine, not so pretty or so much. She tasted one bite and then pushed it away and said she didn 't like it and wouldn't try any more.

I'm afraid I saw red, marched her to our room immediately and sent her to bed with no story. When asked by very tearful dd why she was being sent to bed, I answered that her behaviour had been selfish and greedy, but I'm not sure that that is an explanation a 4 year old can understand. She has fallen straight asleep.

I am still really angry, but don't know how to explain this come tomorrow morning. Also not sure if my reaction is appropriate.

OP posts:
bigbeagleeyes · 26/03/2011 21:51

Is it wrong to be PMSL at this thread?
Sometimes I just love mumsnet[grin}
Ecobatty, sorry, you shot yourself on the foot on that one.

bigbeagleeyes · 26/03/2011 21:52

Stupid parenthises (parenthi?).

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 21:53

Oh and re Skype, my 4yo talks to his cousins on skype every week. Are you actually telling me this eliminates any need to ever give them a rl hug? or his granny? Honestly? Do you never go see your family because after all you can talk to them on skype?

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 21:57

bigbeagleeyes - on which one? there seem to be about a million...

Do you mean that it's not OK to teach ds not to waste food and to practice portion control because I sometimes take him to see family abroad?

Maybe the world would be a better place if we all just taught our dc that you can't do the ideal thing so fuck it, just do any old thing anywhere.

Oh wait. That is what we do. How's that working out for us then? Hmm

earlyriser · 26/03/2011 21:59

ecobatty of course no one is saying you shouldn't fly to see relatives, we are saying that your arguments re waste lose credibility when you don't practise what you preach with regards to the consumption of the earth's resources. You just cannot tell people off for waste/overconsumption when you are doing then same yourself (for whatever worthy reasons).

I also have relatives abroad and fly long haul, hence why i don't berate other people for the choices that they make regards leaving a pudding they neither liked nor were hungry enough to eat.

earlyriser · 26/03/2011 22:04

and of course we should teach our children not to waste food (by leading by example).

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 22:06

I don't berate other people - am possibly the only person in the whole thread who did not comment on the op's own ordering and leaving of pudding.

But the issue was that the OP wasn't happy with what her dd had done and neither would I have been if it had been ds. Which is all I said. The rest was about how I conveyed the reason for this to ds - which for some reason has got everyone's back up.

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 22:08

Leading by example is great and I really try to do it where possible, but I think explaining my reasoning to my dc is an important part of educating them too.

harecare · 26/03/2011 22:54

"but no need to boast about how marvellous he is to understand his extraordinarily clever Mummy's economic analysis of his eating habits" - I didn't. I said that rather than tell him he is greedy and selfish (as the OP did) I tell him why I actually object so much.

That's probably why this thread is lasting so long.

cory · 26/03/2011 23:00

I have to confess that I am one of these slightly eco batty people who worry about wasted resources and starving children. But I always took that to mean that I had to eat any puddings around so as not to cause immoral and wicked waste. Not that I could offload the job onto my children. Which is possibly why I no longer have quite the waistline I used to have. Wink

The OP fell down on the job. She should have eaten her pudding.

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 23:00

I see that, and I'm finding it really interesting. Basically it seems people would object to my telling ds that certain behaviours are wrong and he shouldn't do them (even if they agree that in principle they are wrong) because I am not Mother Teresa.

What I'm trying to understand is why. And not getting it.

harecare · 26/03/2011 23:14

No, that's not what people object to.
That's why the thread goes on.

ecobatty · 26/03/2011 23:21

Sorry I don't get that. What do you mean? Got to get to bed now but will check back tomorrow.

stleger · 26/03/2011 23:24

What was the pudding, did we ever discover? I am thinking that because it was 'fancy' in op, it was death by chocolate or banana split. Squirty cream is a problem with hotel puddings (in the type of places my family would be in) as you can't doggy bag it. I skip starters so I can have afters.

RamonaFlowers · 26/03/2011 23:32

Harecare is right. It's the tone of your posts I think Eco...You have sounded (perhaps further up the thread) a bit too much like you think you've got it all sewn up with your DS. You initial description of how you teach him about waste sounded very holier than thou, oddly stiff, and a bit like a sketch off the fast show.

It's always worth stepping back and thinking about whether you really think all the other women on their thread are slapping their DC's on the back every time they ask for a banana, eat a bite, and then chuck it in the compost....

I think we are all doing a version of what you are doing. Just perhaps not so, erm, someone help me with the right phrase/word?

And I still think the OP left too much room for misinterpretation in her OP!

She's probably had to slather on the burn cream and lay down in a bath of ice.

bigbeagleeyes · 26/03/2011 23:43

Yes, lets get back to the pudding.
What was it?
We need to know.
I'm a sticky toffee pudding sort of person myself.

laInfanta · 26/03/2011 23:46

She said it was a fancy pudding. I reckon it's the sort of thing I would have pushed around my plate and then left. I like proper pudding, with at least one of ice cream, treacle or icing. None of this fiddly shite.

bluepapermonkey · 27/03/2011 00:11

I sympathise. it is annoying when kids do this sort of thing - and we don't always remember they're only 4 or whatever in the heat of the moment. i hate it when my dcs are brattish and prob over react a bit too sometimes - but i think my mum did same with me. not excusing myself but none of us is perfect - you sound pretty human and open minded (ie on here) to me. no more of a pretentious fool than a lot of us!

bluepapermonkey · 27/03/2011 00:14

oops just realised this really long thread and things moved on from op. sorry...not concentrating....

mamtor2 · 27/03/2011 00:17

Blimey! Poor old Camperli. Everyone has been bugged by something dc have done at some time. Over-reacted and then regretted their actions and then been racked with guilt for the next decade wondering whether its affected their emotional development!

My advice is this: you obviously feel guilty about your actions as you posted this thread so you'll remember this and most likely will try not to have a repeat incident. Yes, it was a bit OTT, however, your emotionally ruined 4yold will most likely have forgotten the whole incident by the morning. If she does mention it then you can explain and perhaps even admit that mummy was being a bit of a dragon, but now she's back to normal and loves her even more!

Please don't commit suicide having read everyones holier than thou remarks. Move on and learn from it.

MollyMurphy · 27/03/2011 00:30

Holy cow - so she overreacted it happens. I bet it even happens to the most high and mighty parenting gods amongst us. All you can do is discuss it as best you can with a 4 year old and move on.

Wine
SouthGoingZax · 27/03/2011 07:50

Eco, what ramonaflowers said.

And the word I think might be "self-satisfiedly"

Except, of course, that's not a word.

skybluepearl · 27/03/2011 08:30

i don't think this is about the pudding at all. it's about DD making a big ho-ha to get somthing, efforts being made to get something and DD then wasting the something and also wasting peoples efforts/time. yes you did over react a little but dont worry - we all do at some point. it's not like you beat her or anything. it might have been better just to tell her there will be no pudding tomorrow and to have carried on enjoying
your evening.

swallowedAfly · 27/03/2011 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FreudianSlippery · 27/03/2011 08:59

I do object to food being wasted.

I admit I get annoyed if the DCs don't finish their dinner... But I'd never berate them for it, or certainly not at such a young age. Yes it's important to look after our planet but it's also important not to control their eating too much. I don't want to give them an unhealthy attitude to food.

Also what always bugs me about these environmental issues is that it's all very well for the little people to be told off for throwing a bit of broccoli in the bin, but what about the environment that factories destroy to grow/manufacture their food, and the air miles wasted just to bring us some strawberries out of season? What about the peppers thrown away because they aren't the right shape or colour to sell, and the obscene amounts of expired-but-still-edible food that supermarkets throw away and point blank refuse to give to those in need?

Why do we have to feel guilty when those enormous corporations get away with murder and government does nothing about it.

Grrrr Angry

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