To be pissed of my husband has said I am no different to anyone else....

[thenaturallook]

Hello,

this is my first thread in AIBU and I'm well aware of the frank and honest responses so I thought I'd let you all judge this recent conversation with my husband and tell me if I'm being unreasonable.

Quick background, as I've said we're married, have three children (under six) together and he works away from home all week so I am with my DC 5 nights a week alone (although not right now because my mum is here!).

We are currently selling our house to relocate for this job and he is renting a house near where he currently works.

I ring him a fair bit (couple of times a day), usually just for the odd two minute phonecall and sometimes to fill him in with things that are going on and he is fine with this. He has told me he actually wonders why I haven't rung him, if by late day he hasnt' heard from me (point being is I'm not being a pest)

Anyway, it's 8:30 this evening and I'm sitting down after getting kids all sorted etc and I realise he hasn't rung or responded to an earlier text and so I ring him on his mobile... no answer.

So I ring him on his work phone, no answer....

Ok, no problem, he's away from the phone so I leave it. An hour later I try again and sitll nobody picks up and so I'm a little worried at this point since habitually if I've not rung him by 9, he then texts me to jokingly remind me I haven't rung him!

Eventually he picks up again and I ask him what he's been doing and why he didn't answer either of his phones and he says "err, I don't know" so I get a little cross about this since I think it's not too much for him to ring and say goodnight(I go to bed early since I'm at home with three young kids) or to ring to ask how boys are, how my day has been etc..

Then he starts laughing at me and says I am being irrational and the bottom line is that I am no more important than anyone else that phones him and that I shouldn't expect special treatment and to have to my calls answered above anybody elses!

So I say, " well, I'm your wife, surely that does mean I am little more important than say, a council worker (could have say telesales caller, marketing caller etc. but said this and no offense meant by it) and I'm told, "no, you're not more important you could have been my ex-wife ringing and it would make no difference to me and why are you being so irrational"

That is not verbatim but sums it up pretty well.

Am I wrong to be a little pissed off with this?

Sorry about typos, dog-tired but need opinions so had to post

he still didnt answer your question tho.....did he dodge it??

Find out what he was doing

he was doing something he shouldn't have been.

YABU to be a little pissed off - I'd be fucking furious - twat!

It's not worth getting upset about but I can see why you're annoyed. I make a point of not ringing my DH whilst he's at work so on the odd occasions when I do call, I expect him to answer if he can.

[shocked]
no yanbu!

um... what do you think is his reason for being like that?

Do you reckon?
He wouldn't, he just wouldn't.
Nothing would shock me more!

Apparently he was programming in the other room, personal phone in his pocket downstairs, work mobile he just didn't hear.

i meant of course

I reckon you caught him at a bad time, silly thing for him to say though.

I expect he'll regret it.

is he normally like that?

He sounds like a cock....do you have to really move to be nearer to him?

I would be pissed off too. My DH lives away in the week and he takes this as an opportunity to work very long hours -so does get a bit annoyed when I phone at arounf 8pm and he is still working.

OP - this is nothing more than a simple case of he's stressed, probably has someone else breathing down his neck (boss wise) and took it out on you.

when you next speak with him just mention that you were being silly and are perfectly aware that he cant answer his phone all the time, but you do not expect to be on same parr as ex-wife/council worker etc...

I would be very suspicious as well as extremely angry.

Hmmm.

i would be finding out what his reason for not answering was. that sounds very suspicious to me.

That does sound an arsey thing to say, I suspect he was in the middle of something critical (and I honestly don't mean in a bad way). DH is a programmer and if any of us break his train of thought the air is blue. TBH I think if he had been doing anything bad he probably wld have hidden it better, IYSWIM!

Some words over a glass of wine at the weekend though I think....

He was at home programming so he says.
Needs to get up to speed, and he certainly does.
But the whole, my calls are no more important thatn anybody elses really made me mad.
FFS, if you can't prioritse your wifes calls over anybody else, then whose can you?

Never he won't regret, he doesn't apologise!

Scurryfunge yes I do I'm afraid. He is the love of my life although a tit at times.

Thisisyesterday who bloody knows. He gets defensive when he's fucked up! That's all I can think.

He's not up to no good, of that I'm sure, but what a fucking thing to say

"He is the love of my life "

are you the love of his? doesn't sound like it. not much respect coming your way.

if that was my partner it would really have me questioning the relationship after hearing something like that.

BooyHoo maybe I'm not

He wasn't at work!
This was at 9:30 pm this evening

I'd not call him AT ALL in the week until he notices and starts to miss you calling. Then when he asks why you haven't called, say "It's not important to talk to me is it, you could have chatted to the gas board or the council!"

At 9pm on a weeknight, he shouldn't be bloody working especially as he lives in another house and doesn't live with his wife! How can that be good for a marriage [baffled]

He laughed at you, said you were no more important than ex-wife and belittled your feelings (irrational) - he would be apologising to me and sitting through a flip chart tutorial on 'how not to be a cock'