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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed of my husband has said I am no different to anyone else....

109 replies

thenaturallook · 21/03/2011 22:49

Hello,

this is my first thread in AIBU and I'm well aware of the frank and honest responses so I thought I'd let you all judge this recent conversation with my husband and tell me if I'm being unreasonable.

Quick background, as I've said we're married, have three children (under six) together and he works away from home all week so I am with my DC 5 nights a week alone (although not right now because my mum is here!).

We are currently selling our house to relocate for this job and he is renting a house near where he currently works.

I ring him a fair bit (couple of times a day), usually just for the odd two minute phonecall and sometimes to fill him in with things that are going on and he is fine with this. He has told me he actually wonders why I haven't rung him, if by late day he hasnt' heard from me (point being is I'm not being a pest)

Anyway, it's 8:30 this evening and I'm sitting down after getting kids all sorted etc and I realise he hasn't rung or responded to an earlier text and so I ring him on his mobile... no answer.

So I ring him on his work phone, no answer....

Ok, no problem, he's away from the phone so I leave it. An hour later I try again and sitll nobody picks up and so I'm a little worried at this point since habitually if I've not rung him by 9, he then texts me to jokingly remind me I haven't rung him!

Eventually he picks up again and I ask him what he's been doing and why he didn't answer either of his phones and he says "err, I don't know" so I get a little cross about this since I think it's not too much for him to ring and say goodnight(I go to bed early since I'm at home with three young kids) or to ring to ask how boys are, how my day has been etc..

Then he starts laughing at me and says I am being irrational and the bottom line is that I am no more important than anyone else that phones him and that I shouldn't expect special treatment and to have to my calls answered above anybody elses!

So I say, " well, I'm your wife, surely that does mean I am little more important than say, a council worker (could have say telesales caller, marketing caller etc. but said this and no offense meant by it) and I'm told, "no, you're not more important you could have been my ex-wife ringing and it would make no difference to me and why are you being so irrational"

That is not verbatim but sums it up pretty well.

Am I wrong to be a little pissed off with this?

OP posts:

KatieWatie · 22/03/2011 13:14

YANBU
Next time he calls you, don't pick up!

Ormirian · 22/03/2011 13:14

"He gets defensive when he's fucked up! That's all I can think."

Well they you are then.

Tell him you were upset (at a less stressed time) and see if he apologises.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/03/2011 14:11

I don't hate DH's ex-wife, I can't because I've never met her!

But, there is a reason they aren't married any longer, and if my call was no more important to him than hers then I would be wondering what the hell had gone wrong in our marriage.

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2011 14:14

Do you think if the DH does come and have a sneaky peek at what us vipers have been saying about him, he'll be able to resist retorting?

Bet you a bag of he can't.

CPtart · 22/03/2011 14:22

But you ARE more important. You are looking after his children. What if there was an emergency with them?

Carmen123 · 22/03/2011 15:40

I am a programmer and work from home so sometimes, if I have some work to finish in the evening (when DD is sleeping) I don't even hear DH asking what do I want for tea. And when he insists, I snap at him. Does that make me a bitch. Oh yeah. But that does not mean he is not important to me or that I have an affair. It just means that at that particular moment in time, I am in the middle of something else.

So YANBU to expect him not to speak like that to you. But YABU to take it personally (if it only happens once or very rarely).

minipie · 22/03/2011 16:59

"Minipie, he wasn't at work.
It was 9:30 at night"

Oops.

In that case, no excuse for not calling back. What on earth was he doing that was more important? Work is more important, watching Top Gear is not.

Deciduousblonde · 23/03/2011 08:37

*I don't hate DH's ex-wife, I can't because I've never met her!

But, there is a reason they aren't married any longer, and if my call was no more important to him than hers then I would be wondering what the hell had gone wrong in our marriage*

Precisely my view. Besides which it was you, OP, who mentioned her in your post :)

risingstar · 23/03/2011 08:50

for heavens sake- it sounds like you were both tired and cranky.

you have no reason, other than his failure to answer the phone when you expect him to, to suspect him of any wrong doing.

put it down to being tired and cranky and move on. long distance rows are pointless

in the nicest possible way, posting this here, you are likely to get mainly answers that will fuel any tiny shred of doubt you have

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