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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL and family staying at our house when we are away

118 replies

LillianGish · 21/03/2011 17:14

We (my family and MIL) only ever see BIL and his family when they want someone to look after their kids. We've recently moved to a new house and BIL called up the other week to see if he and his family could come and visit in July. We will be on holiday that weekend, which seemed a pity as we thought they were proposing a weekend together. Yesterday MIL called to say the reason they wanted to stay was because they are going to a wedding nearby to which one of their dds is not invited. She wanted to know if they could all come anyway, including MIL, and she would look after their dd while they are at the wedding. I want to say no. They've never been to see us at our house so I don't really see why they should come when we are not there - to say nothing of all the extra bed changing etc when I get back from my holiday. I don't see why they can't take spare dd to MIL house (about 50 miles out of their way). Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LB29 · 21/03/2011 17:19

Tell them to sod off and pay for a hotel like everyone else would.

curlymama · 21/03/2011 17:20

No, yanbu. I wouldn't want people staying in my house while I was away, unless there was a very good reason and I was particularly close to them.

Just say that you are very sorry and that you are away at that time. Don't leave it open for discussion. If they push you on it, they are being very rude and you can pull them up on it.

Shoesytwoesy · 21/03/2011 17:20

just say no

jaffacake79 · 21/03/2011 17:21

What LB29 said.
I don't like anyone staying in my house when we're not here. Well, my Mum and Dad at a push but I know they wouldn't snoop!

KittaKatta · 21/03/2011 17:21
Shock
Original poster
LillianGish · 21/03/2011 17:32

Thank you ladies. Just have to persuade DH now - he and his mum (who I love, by the way) do rather spend their lives pussy-footing around BIL and his wife.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 21/03/2011 17:36

Yeah, tell them if you don't want them staying, how they deal with it (tantrum/argument) is their own business, just ignore whatever they choose to do.

I like it how they chickened out of asking you themselves and got his mum to ask you! Cheeky.

I know it's got nothing to do with the OP, but can I be nosy and ask why only one of their dds isn't invited? Grin

Original poster
LillianGish · 21/03/2011 17:39

It's a good question! One is a bridesmaid and for some reason the older one isn't invited - that's a whole other thread isn't it - children at weddings - but I'd certainly be a bit Confused if only one of mine was invited.

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 21/03/2011 17:44

"I want to say no"

just say "no" - no is a sentence.

THough someone also said on another thread today that "Fuck right off" is a sentence as well Smile

Firawla · 21/03/2011 17:45

yanbu it's cheeky of them to ask if they don't even bother visiting but want to use you as a free hotel - tell them to get lost! if they were close and come to visit a lot and see each other all the time and just asked themselves as a favour would be more understandable rather than asking mil to ask as they cant even be bothered to ask themselves! its quite rude

AgentZigzag · 21/03/2011 17:50

Mmmmm that is a bit weird, I would feel a bit funny about one being excluded altogether, hopefully she'll get spoiled rotten by your MIL Smile

It's easy to say 'Tell them to get lost' on the internet, and I know it's not so easy when it comes to the crunch with people you know.

But it'll feel like an appointed burglary if you really don't want them in your house while you're away, you'll be wondering what they've been up to... Grin ...Shock ewww

dinosaurkisses · 21/03/2011 17:53

Wow- some people's brass necks never fail to amaze!

NoobyHoHoHo · 21/03/2011 17:55

I would really hate this - especially as i didn't know them well. People poking through my drawers . Say 'no', or if you need an excuse tell them you already have someone staying in the house that weekend!

Inertia · 21/03/2011 17:58

YANBU.

You could always provide them with a list of hotels nearby when you tell them that it won't be possible for them to stay as you'll be away. And a list of alternative dates for them to visit :)

brass · 21/03/2011 18:03

can't be bothered to see you but want to use your house AND didn't have the courtesy to ask you to your face doing it through MIL instead.

hahhhaaaaahahahaahaahhhaha

No.

ENormaSnob · 21/03/2011 18:04

Yanbu

no way would I allow this.

fedupofnamechanging · 21/03/2011 18:11

Even if your DH is okay with this, you are not, so I think that is a good enough reason to say no and for your dH to respect that. I think both of you would have to be in complete agreement for this to go ahead.

Just say that you would prefer not to have people staying when you are away. If they push, then I would worry less about offending and be a little more blunt.

Jennytailia · 21/03/2011 18:16

Well I would say yes. I know it's inconvenient and cheeky and all the rest, but they are family, so u should help them out.

Simple as that.

Call them up and mention that you need to arrange a weekend when you can all get together as that would be nice.

Don't be mean!! Help each other out. I know it's cheesy but long term everyone will be happier if you are open about your hurt and also willing to do favours.

Original poster
LillianGish · 21/03/2011 18:20

Thanks again ladies. It's my first ever posting on aibu and had donned my hard hat just in case! Will show this thread to dh and just to reiterate, I wouldn't have a problem with them staying if I were there, I'd even be happy to look after my niece (though I do think it's a bit of a cheek that any visit to us or MIL always involves a babysitting element) it's their staying while I'm not there that I object to.

OP posts:
Northeastgirl · 21/03/2011 18:26

Personally I wouldn't mind someone staying here while we were away, although I might ask them to bring their own sheets and towels to minimise inconvenience, but it's your shout, so if you and your DH are not comfortable with it, you should be free to say so. Tricky if he thinks it's OK but you're not keen

TidyDancer · 21/03/2011 18:39

Well they are close family, so I would probably do it if they weren't already freeloaders. But they are, so in this instance, I think I'd say no.

ledkr · 21/03/2011 18:43

id hate it,i like to leave the house clean and come back to find it the same way,and people dont clean it like you want it clean do they?Can you say you have arranged to have carpets cleaned/hall plastered or something else similar so they cant stay,the cowards way out in know but quiet life.

RunAwayWife · 21/03/2011 18:50

My sister likes to stay at mine when I am on holiday, on the up side the house is not left empty on the downside the mess.

I HAVE SAID NO BUT SHE JUST RINGS AND SCREAMS AT ME TILL I GIVE IN FOR SOME PEACE AND QUITE.

SAY NO AND STAND BY IT

Original poster
LillianGish · 21/03/2011 18:54

Ledkr - that's how I feel. I like coming back from my hols to a well ordered house. It's enough hassle to have all your holiday washing to do without having to sort the house out as well. The other thing is it is not actually our house, we are renting at the moment, it's quite grand (housing allowance!!)so we are always very careful ourselves and its also quite complicated with lots of locks and alarms!

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 21/03/2011 18:56

YANBU

Would you get in trouble if you allowed them to stay while you're not there?

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