Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL and family staying at our house when we are away

118 replies

LillianGish · 21/03/2011 17:14

We (my family and MIL) only ever see BIL and his family when they want someone to look after their kids. We've recently moved to a new house and BIL called up the other week to see if he and his family could come and visit in July. We will be on holiday that weekend, which seemed a pity as we thought they were proposing a weekend together. Yesterday MIL called to say the reason they wanted to stay was because they are going to a wedding nearby to which one of their dds is not invited. She wanted to know if they could all come anyway, including MIL, and she would look after their dd while they are at the wedding. I want to say no. They've never been to see us at our house so I don't really see why they should come when we are not there - to say nothing of all the extra bed changing etc when I get back from my holiday. I don't see why they can't take spare dd to MIL house (about 50 miles out of their way). Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 21/03/2011 18:58

YANBU.

They should just do the obvious thing, not the faffingly complicated thing. Take their DD to MIL's house, go to the wedding. End of story.

stream · 21/03/2011 19:03

RunAwayWife - Shock

You don't really give in to her, do you? Sad

Op - Tell them the house is being fumigated that weekend! Grin (If you don't just want to say no.)

RunAwayWife · 21/03/2011 19:06

Last year I was on holiday and she phoned and phoned going on and on till I just said do what you fucking want

kerala · 21/03/2011 19:10

YABU. You are not there why shouldnt they stay? Would make life much easier for them if they are going to a wedding with children. Your MIL would be staying too - surely this is a no effort way of being a decent person and helping out family? Say they bring their own duvet covers and leave it nice and clean for when you return.

babyapplejack · 21/03/2011 19:11

I wouldn't like people staying in my house whilst I was away. I have stuff the way I want it, I like privacy and I would really not like it.

You hardly see your BIL and for this reason, it sounds like he's just a freeloader asking to use your house.

MerylStrop · 21/03/2011 19:13

I'd say ok if they bring their own bedding and towels. And get DH to ensure they understand the meaning of leaving the place as they found it.

Big brownie points all round with little hassle.

Original poster
LillianGish · 21/03/2011 19:18

Stream - lol at getting the house fumigated Grin

OP posts:
kerala · 21/03/2011 19:18

Agree Meryl. I think saying no marks you out as abit precious and mean tbh. But then I like people making use of my house when I'm not there- often have had parents and friends staying when we are on holiday as we have lived in places people like to visit. Some people pay agencies to get people to live in their houses when they are on holiday - as a teenager I did this for friends of my parents. As someone who has been burgled while I was on holiday (as have several people I know) having guests like this can have advantages.

bluerodeo · 21/03/2011 19:18

i wouldn't have a problem with it - life's too short and all of that.
get them to change bedding when they leave or at least strip the beds
don't be so prescious

Happylander · 21/03/2011 19:19

I think the sneakiness of them would make me say no. I can't stand people who can't just ask for things they want. How pathetic them getting your MIL to ask.

NinkyNonker · 21/03/2011 19:21

Yanbu

LetThereBeRock · 21/03/2011 19:22

YADNBU.

OTheHugeManatee · 21/03/2011 19:25

It sounds as though the real problem here is the way your BIL operates, not the request as such. I wouldn't mind a sibling or inlaw staying at my place while I was away. But then if a sibling or inlaw had a reason to do that, they'd ring and ask, not get their mum to do it. In your position, I'd find that loads more annoying than the idea in principle of letting someone use my empty house.

If you say yes, make sure you stipulate exactly how you want it left, including bed changing etc, make sure they water your plants, and ask them to pay for a cleaner to blitz the place top to toe on the day they leave.

defineme · 21/03/2011 19:30

It's your house so you can do what you want.

Why would you babysit for them? If it were reciprocal/you lived in the same place, but if it's one way why do they deserve a night out if they don't return the favour?

DO NOT GIVE REASONS.
Just say it's not convenient and then give a list of dates when you're free for a get together and don't do any babysitting when they're with you.

Family is family and I'd lay down my life for mine,m but family can also be bullies and freeloaders. Loving then does not mean you have to put up with their shit.

Runawaywife-you so need to sort that out-saying don't be silly and switching your phone off is the best way. If she continues to bully you then cut all contact-you're an adult-take charge of your life.

LittleMissHissyFit · 21/03/2011 19:32

You can't allow strangers into your home if it's rented. It'd have to be approved, and if I were a landlord, for the sake of it, I'd say no.

Tell them NO you don't want to, that it's not your house to offer and that you are not able to.

LittleMissHissyFit · 21/03/2011 19:33

by strangers, I mean, they are not known to the agency, and you will not be there.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 21/03/2011 19:40

Sounds like you need caller display!
I think it is very cheeky of your BIL to ask when he hasn't even bothered visiting you!

LittleMissHissyFit · 21/03/2011 19:43

Invites Insists RunAwayWife start a thread the next time her DSIS puts her under pressure.

We'll keep your resolve. Grin

Original poster
LillianGish · 21/03/2011 19:52

Defineme - I think you have got the root of my objection. We only ever see them if we go to MIL where she will be babysitting while they have a weekend elsewhere. They will return for lunch, stay for about an hour and then take the kids home. When they initially called we genuinely thought they wanted to come and see us in our new house, it was only when we said we wouldn't be there the real reason became apparent.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 21/03/2011 19:58

I think it would be fine - ask them to bring own bedding and towels of course - I wish people were more into 'house swapping' - I do this with some of my relations and its great - yes, it is much cheaper than a hotel but it means your house is getting looked after and you can explore a different part of the country (and not have to spend time with relations you are not that keen on Grin) wasn't there a Mumsnet house-swap thread a few years ago?

idlingabout · 22/03/2011 19:45

YADefinitelyNBU.
Quite clearly, the initial request to stay was hoping to get some babysitting out of you whilst they went to the wedding - you not being there on the specific dates momentarily scotched that little plan so they moved on to plan b via the all too accomodating MIL.
To all those saying they would do it as families should help each other out - there doesn`t seem to be an iota of quid pro quo from the BIL. They are takers, not givers and as such do not deserve to be helped out.

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/03/2011 09:17

Have you told them No yet? Grin

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 25/03/2011 09:31

Ask the BIL if you can stay at his house one weekend and see what he says .... Probably will be a no! YANBU

Eglu · 25/03/2011 09:37

YANBU at all. If it was family who bothered to want to spend time with you then it would be precious to say no. But they are just being freeloaders.

Sweetpea215 · 25/03/2011 09:40

Your home should be your haven. Say no