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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really hope this isn't representative of the general mindset of the royal navy

122 replies

BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:13

Texted EXp last night after reading thread here about missiles heading for libya. asked him if his ship was being sent, he said not yet but there was talk of it going. i asked him if that bothered him and he said no because "you get a medal and all that.lol"

i almost threw up when i read that.

he doesn't give a damn about the people those missiles are being aimed at because he would be able to flash a medal about and act like the big I AM.

OP posts:
feeblephoebe · 20/03/2011 19:15

he is putting his life at risk, why shouldnt he get a medal

hardhatdonned · 20/03/2011 19:15

Sounds like you've jumped to a whopping great conclusion there about how he meant it.

AuraofDora · 20/03/2011 19:16

he has to say that, no? it's part of the mindless mindset encouraged by the armed forces

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:16

what way do you think he meant it hardhatdonned?

OP posts:
sims2fan · 20/03/2011 19:19

I would have thought he meant it as not being bothered about going to a dangerous area, and was trying to reassure you, by making it lighthearted in a 'at least I'll get a medal kind of way.' I wouldn't have thought he would have meant he isn't bothered about killing innocent people. But I could be wrong.

abfab1973 · 20/03/2011 19:20

He'll get a medal. And be encouraged to go Whoring.

Where is the love?

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:21

i would doubt the fact that there will be innocent victims killed during any missile attacks has even entered his head TBH.

OP posts:
colditz · 20/03/2011 19:22

if he was bothered about killing anyone because he's been told to, he wouldn't be in the armed forces, because that's the whole point.

yes, there are lots of clever and sensitive people in the forces, doing clever and sensitive jobs, and sometimes the forces as a whole does clever and sensitive things, but it's mainly about killing people when you're told to and not saying things like "Are you sure those villagers are harbouring rebels, Sarge? They look like they're just feeding their goats to me...."

squeakytoy · 20/03/2011 19:22

I am with Sims on this, he is probably trying not to worry people, or let them know if he is worried. Its all bravado.

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:23

i agree colditz, but i'm not his boss so hiding any feelings of of doubt from me is pointless. he just doesn't have any feelings of doubt.

OP posts:
ambarth · 20/03/2011 19:24

Bravado and dark humour are how they cope IME.

RedbinD · 20/03/2011 19:28

OP if he's on a surface ship he won't be involved in firing missiles at people on shore. The tone of your post reads as if you don't think our forces should be involved in liberating other nations from dictators.

canyou · 20/03/2011 19:29

Booyhoo, it is probably a coping mechanism,
My DP is a paramedic and you would be Shock and Angry if everything he said was taken literally.
Dehumanising and taking the emotion and fear out of the equation allows them to function and do the job. It is just an off the cuff bravado remark.

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:29

the tone of my post reads as if i am disgusted that my Exp thinks so little of the cost of life as long as he gets a medal at the end of it. this has nothing to do with whetehr the british forces should be there or not. this is to do with the attitude of one man and me hoping that it isn't a true representation of teh attitude of teh RN in general.

OP posts:
meditrina · 20/03/2011 19:30

I'd say it's bravado and dark humour. It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't give a damn. I'd be more concerned if it was a DP (not ExP) saying this face to face (not by text).

Even with courage and training, can you even begin to imagine what it must be like to go into harm's way?

fedupofnamechanging · 20/03/2011 19:30

He was joking. Seems obvious to me. I think the fact that he is an EX partner is why you are trying to see it in the worst possible light.

I disagree with the idea that being in the forces is mainly about killing people when you're told to. It's about defending the nation and protecting innocent people from oppression. Often governments use the armed forces for less than honourable purposes, but that shouldn't reflect on the men and women who sign up to do the things that we would not like to do, but which are necessary for our safety.

hardhatdonned · 20/03/2011 19:31

Sims summed it up.

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:33

karma, i know it is hard to say when you dont know a person but he wasn't joking. i know him, he will be wetting himself at the thought of being able to tell everyone he has a medal. he will milk that one for all it's worth.

i am not trying to see it in any light other than what it is.

OP posts:
KevinMcKiddsThighs · 20/03/2011 19:36

Of course that's the mindset of all the sailors in the RN.

Just like the Army is full of thick thugs.

FFS.

If you had asked whether or not he was worried about blowing up hundreds of innocent civilians and he gave you that response then, yes you'd have a point, but that wasn't the question you asked was it?

YABU.

KevinMcKiddsThighs · 20/03/2011 19:36

sarcasm doesn't read well does it?! I do NOT think the Army is full of thick thugs!

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:39

i got that you were being sarcastic.

so you think i am BU to hope that this is not the general mindset of teh RN then Confused

should i be hoping that it is the mindset?

OP posts:
orienteerer · 20/03/2011 19:42

At the risk of being inflammatory........times like these are the only opportunity that the armed forces get to do what they are actually trained for. There's lots of banter in the services about medals, it's part coping strategy, part pride & part one-upmanship........don't read too much into it.

ecobatty · 20/03/2011 19:43

What Colditz said.

Hear, hear.

KevinMcKiddsThighs · 20/03/2011 19:43

YABU being offended over something you've read and then twisted in your head to something worthy of offence.

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:45

kevin can you explain what that last post means pleas? i am very confused.

OP posts: