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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really hope this isn't representative of the general mindset of the royal navy

122 replies

BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:13

Texted EXp last night after reading thread here about missiles heading for libya. asked him if his ship was being sent, he said not yet but there was talk of it going. i asked him if that bothered him and he said no because "you get a medal and all that.lol"

i almost threw up when i read that.

he doesn't give a damn about the people those missiles are being aimed at because he would be able to flash a medal about and act like the big I AM.

OP posts:
orienteerer · 20/03/2011 19:45

My DH still can't cope with the fact I've got more medals than he has Grin......see, I told you it was one-upman(or woman)shipGrin.

hardhatdonned · 20/03/2011 19:45

Can i ask why you were seeing Naval Personnel if you are so clearly a pacifist, and not just a pacifist but a raving flag waving one?!

He's in the military, it's his job to blow stuff up. Including people.

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 19:48

i dont always agree that certain cars need certain parts fitted in them, but i haven't dumped my current boyfriend because he is told by his boss to do it. i date the person, not the job.

OP posts:
hardhatdonned · 20/03/2011 19:55

But military personnel ARE their job (or the ones i know are) a certain type of person does that line of work, same goes for the emergency services.

Dark sense of humour.

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 20:00

well this one was the father of my child before he was 'the job' so i wasn't about to oust him from our lives on that basis.

OP posts:
hardhatdonned · 20/03/2011 20:01

In which case you perhaps need to give him a bit of leway that the job might have changed him.

Heracles · 20/03/2011 20:07

Hey, if you don't enjoy shooting weapons then I don't want you in my armed forces, frankly. No point having paid killers if they ain't doing no killin'...

Saltatrix · 20/03/2011 20:09

His in the military he would have become accustomed to life and death situations. It's probably why they have a dark sense of humour, doctors, police officers, firemen etc they all have a similar sense of humour that tends to happen.

MadameCastafiore · 20/03/2011 20:10

People often make flippant comments in awfully fraught situations - maybe this is what happened with him?

Seems like you have a very low opinion of someone who you are supposed to love?

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 20:13

i used to love him. i fell out of love some while ago. we aren't together anymore. i have a low opinion of alot of his behaviours. this just shocked me when i read it. the thought of a medal made all the loss ok.

OP posts:
CaveMum · 20/03/2011 20:14

It is humour used as a coping mechanism. By making light of a situation you can stop it from eating away at you and taking over yuor life.

As for those that are suggesting, yet again, that the military is full of mindless thugs Biscuit

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 20:17

nobody said the military was full of mindless thugs.

OP posts:
CaveMum · 20/03/2011 20:19

"but it's mainly about killing people when you're told to and not saying things like "Are you sure those villagers are harbouring rebels, Sarge? They look like they're just feeding their goats to me....""

Does the above post not suggest that military people are not able/allowed to think for themselves?

For the record my husband is in the RAF and has never killed anyone; he flies a desk.

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 20:23

no it doesn't. it suggests members of the military follow orders which is what they are supposed to do.

OP posts:
penguin73 · 20/03/2011 20:27

You are his ex - are you on good enough terms for him to open his heart to? For many service personnel flippancy is a coping strategy, certainly one man's text comment can hardly be said to be indicative of a whole organisation (as I am sure you know really, why are you concerned about the comments made by an ex anyway?)

dizzyblonde · 20/03/2011 20:27

It's called black humour, helps people to cope.

unavailable · 20/03/2011 20:27

Booy - your posts are a wonderful example of the concept of confirmation bias. We all have a tendancy to do it, but maybe you should recognise it.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 20/03/2011 20:29

first you're guessing an awful lot about one person from a text, and then you are extrapolating your guesswork to how many thousands of people?

Seriously?

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 20:30

"For many service personnel flippancy is a coping strategy, certainly one man's text comment can hardly be said to be indicative of a whole organisation"

which is exactly why i said i hoped it wasn't. are people reading the thread title at all?

unavailable, forgive my ignorance but can you explain confirmation bias please?

OP posts:
Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 20:31

winter read the thread title. did i say this was definitely teh mindset of the RN? or did i say i hoped it wasn't?

OP posts:
Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 20:32

and yes we are on good enough terms for him to be honest with me.

OP posts:
YusMilady · 20/03/2011 20:32

Maybe he just knows you're a bit chippy and humourless and does it to wind you up? He is your ex, after all - he doesn't have to care what you think.

My dad & my brother were both in the Navy. Sounds to me like you don't know much about it, sorry.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 20/03/2011 20:32

By saying you hope it isn't means you are saying you think it might be. Do keep up with your own thought process.

Original poster
BooyHoo · 20/03/2011 20:33

"first you're guessing an awful lot about one person from a text"

not just a text, a text with 8 years of history behind it to be able to know what he meant. this isn't a stranger we are talking about. i haven't overheard a conversation.

OP posts:
penguin73 · 20/03/2011 20:35

You know the answer to this already I think and didn't need to start the thread to get your answer.

Seems like another military bashing thread or ex-bashing thread in the making to me, probably both.

Swipe left for the next trending thread