to ask about taking dc to a wedding?

[rosie1979]

Ok - DH is best man at his friends wedding abroad. Wedding is on remote island near ibiza - mainly charter flights. No children are invited which is fair enough.
BUT - only 3 flights a week so will have to go for a minimum of 4 nights which IMO is too long to leave the dc's (one baby, one toddler) for. My idea is we could get a babysitter/nanny for the wedding and make a holiday of it. DH's friend goes mental and says this is really out of order as they want to spend time with US - not dc's. Are we BU? Help!

He is being an idiot. You are being more than reasonable. You arent taking your children to his wedding which is fair enough, but its upto you what you do any day apart from the day of the wedding.

did they really go mental! yanbu.

Yanbu. They are bvvvvu. They obviously don't have children or they would realise what it is like.

tell them you are a parent now and to get stuffed

Yanbu. You will be respecting their wishes of no children at the wedding. That is as far as your "responsiblity" goes. They should be grateful you are attending, as they wished, AND that you are making extra arrangements and incurring further costs to accomodate those wishes. As said, how you spend the rest of your stay is entirely up to you.

No, they have no children.

They want us to have a week without the kids in their words to have "some r and r" - their words not mine.

Arghhhh! We cant afford to have two holidays - and I feel horribly guilty that my kids wont have a proper summer holiday.

Omfg

you are nbu at all.

Tbh I would be telling them to get fucked.

That's absolutely ridiculous, they should be glad you're going at all YANBU

YANBU - definitely make a holiday out of it - they ABU or alternatively do as feeblephoeble suggests.

Seriously, they are way out of order.

WTF would you want to spend r n r time with them
anyway.

If they push this I definately wouldn't attend at all.

x-post - not up to them to dictate how you spend your time

They're basically suggesting you have a child free holiday with them. Not a bad idea in itself, but really the sort of thing you'd talk about and plan together, not just tell you!
Bizarre. Are many of their guests parents? There's no way I'd go on holiday without my children. Leave I take from work is to be spent WITH them thank you!
Muppets.
I've never heard of a child free wedding abroad.

I don't get these ott weddings what purpose is served by 'the happy couple' being completely over demanding and then turning nasty when it proves impossible for your friends/family to do you bidding. Its all about top show and massive ego trips tell him hes being ignorant and that your not going to be dictated to end of!

Other guests are parents but are apparently happy to leave kids - OR are breastfeeding newborns so will not be able to go.

Its such a f-ing mess! I thought it was going to be an easy easyjet flight away that we could go for 2 nights, not that I would find that ideal but could bear it!

Childcare will have to be split between inlaws and my parents which, while im really lucky to have it Im worried the dc's will feel like they are being moved from pillar to post.

Would leave my 5 and 7 year olds for that long. But not baby and toddler. Too unsettling. And would feel that if I wanted a week of "r&r" without kids, I'd choose/plan/set time aside myself thank you very much, rather than have it imposed on me.

I wouldn't go personally.

Think you came up with a perfectly reasonable suggestion re: no kids at wedding, but them there for holiday before/after.

If you don't want to leave them - don't - simples

I too have a childless friend who insists it's for my benefit to do child free stuff with her but 12yrs later still hasn't seemed to grasp I like spending my precious time off with my kids

You are definately not BU

You need to tell them that you don't want to have a weeks holiday with them without your children. You have no interest in that, its not your idea of fun. Be honest. They need to know.

YANBU.

If you have the chance of one holiday this year, it's entirely reasonable to want to spend it with your kids. What does your DH think about it all? Is he backing you up?

OMG. After that kind of reaction, I wouldn't be going at all! I would not waste my money pampering to people who treat my children like something that can just be put away and not thought about.

What a dick.

I wouldn't worry too much about the holiday aspect of it, children don't need holidays, so don't let that mask the real issue, that being the fact that you're saddled with friends who are complete assholes.

they clearly can't accept that you are now parents - they want to pretend to themselves that it can be like the good old days of daytime drinking, late nights, lazing around etc. Well that's not your life now! No way should you be guilted into leaving your children for a week away. They sound too little to be left for 4 nights (and split between gps too). Give them the ultimatum - you come to the wedding in the way you've described, or you don't come at all!

What does your DH think? Awkward given he is best man. But really where do people get off having their weddings on remote islands and telling their friends what they will do for their holidays?! (and I am a fan of child-free weddings, within reason )

He does think exactly the same BUT is typical bloke and wants to keep the peace.

The problem is - DH says "can we bring dc and get a nanny" the BF says "no, omg, how out of order, our wedding, blah blah"

I wish dh had said - "this is what we are doing, bringing dc and having a holiday"

Because now if we take them its going to cause a BIG fallout :(

TidyDancer, the asshole comment made me pmsl!

And totally spot on - I feel like they are treating my dc like toys or pets that you can just dump.