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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my MIL not to call me this???

125 replies

Skinit · 18/03/2011 13:14

She keeps referring to me as "Mummy" so she'll say "Oh have you been cleaning the floor mummy?"

I HATE it. I'm not her Mummy. Nor anyone elses but my childrens. Other people do it too...I hate it with a passion. MIL often does it too as does FIL.

Its like reducing me to less than me....I can't be my name..... am only fucking MUMMY.

I just said "Please don't call me that. I don't like it"

And she said "Oh well I was only dong it as in speaking to you through your DD...making an observation about you"

NO SHE WASN'T! She said "Are you cleaning the floor Mummy" NOT "Is mummy cleaning the floor baby Skinit?"

She spoke to me. I explained to her...when I saw she was offended...I said "I feel it diminshes me...takes away a little more of me...which is already depleted. You wouldn't call someone HUSBAND or WIFE even though those roles may be part of who they are would you?"

She's still a bit Hmm and I was not agressive about my explanation at all...I tried to make her see why I didn't like it. so AIBU???

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 18/03/2011 13:17

I truly get where you're coming from, but I think it's something I'd let go with MIL (in fact I have - she does this too)

DP or my own Mum, however... I'd tell them. But pick your battles and all that

notaskiver · 18/03/2011 13:18

Sorry yabu in my opinion, I am sure she is not trying to annoy you and you have only succeeded in offending and hurting her feelings - in life people often do things that annoy us but you can't always go around telling everyone what they are.

Also, Mummy is a nice thing to be called!

GoldenBeagle · 18/03/2011 13:18

It is a way of making the conversation accessible to your dd, including her by caling you the name that she calls you.

It may be a bit irritating, but you sound very touchy and unfriendly. Poor MIL, getting told off.

LillianGish · 18/03/2011 13:20

Not worth falling out over - pick your battles (or do you have more serious battles and this is the straw that broke the camel's back?)

DaydreamDollyisshrinking · 18/03/2011 13:20

My MIL does it too, especially when she's trying to hint I am doing something wrong ('You don't want me to get Dolly jnr another sugary juice drink? Well, she's obviously thirsty mummy ) Angry

You're my hero, I wish I could stick up for myself a bit more with my MIL.

I don't think YABU, perfectly reasonable thing to say IMHO

blackeyedsusan · 18/03/2011 13:20

when you spek to fil about mil refer to her as wife/ and vice versa until she takes the hint.

GilmoreGeek · 18/03/2011 13:21

YANBU. If you don't tell her she will just keep doing it. I never understood this calling people mummy. They are still people. I mean I talk to other people's kids and say 'Oh,look what YOUR mum is doing' or whatever but I find the addressing weird.

Original poster
Skinit · 18/03/2011 13:21

I never said she was trying to anny me Notaskiver bt I have the right to be called what I like don't I?

I am not unfriendly Beagle...far from it. I host her daily....feed her lunch and talk to her...she's 100% in my kids life and MY FACE but I put up with it as she comes from a good place.

I dont see why I should be "called out of name" when dont want to be.

Why is this rude?

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 18/03/2011 13:21

speak

Original poster
Skinit · 18/03/2011 13:23

It is weird and in the way Dolly refers to it it is demaning and a tool for those who wish to undermine.

With MIL it's her crappy way of trying to appear harmless...commenting on my cleaning...but not wanting to seem judgey.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skinit · 18/03/2011 13:24

Daydream...just say it! Say "I'm not Nanny's Mummy am I baby? Silly Nanny! My Name is X isn't it? I'm nt NANNY'S Mummy!"

Grin
OP posts:
notaskiver · 18/03/2011 13:24

You most certainly do have the right to be called what you like Skinit, and if that right is more important to you than a good relationship with your MIL go right ahead and pull her up about it if she calls you Mummy again!

I agree that you do sound unfriendly and a bit mean. She is calling you Mummy, not a rude swear word, if I were her I would think you rude and precious.

lazylula · 18/03/2011 13:25

If she only does it when your dc is in the room then I would say that she is, in her way, including your dc in the conversation and yes, speaking 'through' your dc and yabu and a bit over sensitive. If she calls you mummy all the time then no yanbu.

snice · 18/03/2011 13:25

I feel a bit sorry for the woman tbh-its not THAT bad as it?

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 18/03/2011 13:26

YANBU - mummy IS a nice thing to be called.....by one's children!

Original poster
Skinit · 18/03/2011 13:26

LOL skiver! If that ccomment were to threaten my relationship with her it would be good riddance!

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 18/03/2011 13:27

Yanbu it's not like you said something awful to her, just asked her to stop. Fine.

yomellamoHelly · 18/03/2011 13:28

My PIL call each other Grandma and Grandpa all the time when we're with them. They definitely love their roles as gps. Dh and I find it very odd. Is there a chance your MIL feels same as my PIL and is trying to the same. (In which case call her Grandma all the time.) Totally understand why you hate it though. I would too.

GilmoreGeek · 18/03/2011 13:28

But why should she do it? It hurts her DIL's feelings for whatever reasons. We don't address everyone else by their family status just because kids are around, do we?

Sarsaparilllla · 18/03/2011 13:29

It'd annoy me too, tho I don't think she's doing it to be irritating on purpose I think now you've pointed out you don't like it she should stop

DaydreamDollyisshrinking · 18/03/2011 13:29

Skinit - genius idea, if she wants to speak through DD to get to me, I will do the same! Will remember that for next time!
I do think that sometimes, if something is grating on you, it's best to tell the person that it's grating on you, rather than have the resentment build until before you know it, everything they say grates on you. Voice of experience! She'll get over it.

lesley33 · 18/03/2011 13:31

My SIL only refers to me as Auntie. Drives me mad so I totally understand.

Bucharest · 18/03/2011 13:32

What's really really weird is that here, mothers call their children Mummy. That sends me off the scale in you-mad-fuckers-ness.

Scenario....child is playing, Mother will say "Come here, Mummy, let me wipe your nose" etc. (and for the first 10 years I lived here I was convinced I was associating with people who heard voices and stuff.) "Careful Mummy! That's hot!" "Come on Mummy, you can do it!"

And they wonder why their boys stay attached to the pinny strings.

Original poster
Skinit · 18/03/2011 13:33

That's right Dolly...I have the rep though of being a bit outspoken....because Of things like this. I don't hold grudges ever though....I never resent anyone as I will speak out.

Sometimes people are Shock but then I reckon once they've thought about it they prefer it....I hate seething over rubbish.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skinit · 18/03/2011 13:34

Where are you Bucharest? Or is that a silly question?

OP posts:
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