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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my MIL not to call me this???

125 replies

Skinit · 18/03/2011 13:14

She keeps referring to me as "Mummy" so she'll say "Oh have you been cleaning the floor mummy?"

I HATE it. I'm not her Mummy. Nor anyone elses but my childrens. Other people do it too...I hate it with a passion. MIL often does it too as does FIL.

Its like reducing me to less than me....I can't be my name..... am only fucking MUMMY.

I just said "Please don't call me that. I don't like it"

And she said "Oh well I was only dong it as in speaking to you through your DD...making an observation about you"

NO SHE WASN'T! She said "Are you cleaning the floor Mummy" NOT "Is mummy cleaning the floor baby Skinit?"

She spoke to me. I explained to her...when I saw she was offended...I said "I feel it diminshes me...takes away a little more of me...which is already depleted. You wouldn't call someone HUSBAND or WIFE even though those roles may be part of who they are would you?"

She's still a bit Hmm and I was not agressive about my explanation at all...I tried to make her see why I didn't like it. so AIBU???

OP posts:
Ormirian · 19/03/2011 14:24

Perhaps the OPs MIL will stop now that she's been asked. And all the indignant frothing on this thread will be in vain.

Original poster
Skinit · 19/03/2011 14:29

Pag...it's nothing to do with my children being there or not...it's to do with the fact that once you have a baby...that's it...you're MUMMY! You're MUM....many people see it as who and what you are....but who you REALLY are...seperate to being a Mother is very important. To me at least.

OP posts:
ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 19/03/2011 14:53

I totally get where you're coming from skinit and have had exactly the same conversation with my MIL - it's one thing if she says something to one of my DCs like "go and show mummy", but totally another if she calls me mummy directly, with no link to my DCs/not for their benefit.

YANBU IMH but nearly always right O Wink :o

confuddledDOTcom · 19/03/2011 16:32

YANBU to not want to be called something. It's like if your name was Susan but you hated it and was known as Sue. It's a perfectly normal name and nothing wrong with it, other Susans might love it but you don't so it's not acceptable for someone to keep calling you that.

I think it can depend on the situation. I had to tell people not to use my name in front of my daughter because she was calling me it too. My eldest is 4 now and people will call me by my name around her now unless they're voicing her. Like when we stay at my parents she gets in with Mum in the morning and will hide under the cover and ask her to call me, so Mum says "Mummy have you seen Dot?" I also get it a lot at hospitals and school where they have lots of names to remember so use Mum and Dad to make life easier. I remember older nurses doing it when my baby was in NNU which took me awhile to get used to!

confuddledDOTcom · 19/03/2011 16:34

Oh and about the identity issue, I went to breakfast at nursery as part of Women's Day. We had this lecture about women being people in their own right, then they handed out goody bags. Bet you can't guess what was in it...

Gooseberrybushes · 19/03/2011 16:36

I just KNEW before I opened the thread it was going to be Mummy.

I've told my mil not to call me this. Didn't make a blind bit of difference.

"Shall we move the cup away from the edge of the table Mummy?"

"Shall we get some hats for the babies Mummy?"

Nowadays I fantasise briefly about a swift but sure headbutt and then smile, ignore, smile, ignore.

Gooseberrybushes · 19/03/2011 16:37

Oh Skinit it's you again. You poor thing.

Can't you push her in the canal.

Original poster
Skinit · 19/03/2011 16:44

Oh Gooseberry can you so it for me? She'l go down dialling DH to "tell on me!"

Grin

Confuddled...was it a mug with MUM on it? Or an apron with MUMMY?

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 19/03/2011 16:47
Grin

good luck

fantasise about downing a bottle of bourbon, or slidetackling her on the way to the kitchen

put a big calendar on the wall and visibly cross off the days to her leaving day with a big smiley face on teh day itself

Original poster
Skinit · 19/03/2011 16:50

Hah! Love the calendar! Or I could do those scratches in the wall like prisoners do!

OP posts:
Original poster
Skinit · 19/03/2011 16:50

Confuddled...what was it!?

OP posts:
confuddledDOTcom · 19/03/2011 17:13

It was full of things like a forehead thermometer, balloon, pencils... all aimed at the children. I wasn't the only one to notice the contents either.

Original poster
Skinit · 19/03/2011 17:44

Oh God! How crap is that! All they had to do was a grown up choccy and a little soap or something!

OP posts:
robotlollypopman · 19/03/2011 17:50

I think it's very unreasonable. It sounds sweet. I'm not sure you become less 'you' when you are called it.

Gooseberrybushes · 20/03/2011 00:09

I must admit, anyone who thinks being called mummy by their mother in law is "sweet" has never been on the receiving end from a passive agressive older woman who wields every weapon she can to exclude and undermine you without actually shrieking "you are the inadequate witch who stole my child!"

exoticfruits · 20/03/2011 08:26

I hope that noone is calling mother, or MIL, Granny, as in 'shall we go out for a walk, Granny?'I am sure that it happens all the time and is just as bad.

HecateTheCrone · 20/03/2011 08:35

Nope. Never.

I call my mum 'mum', when I am talking to her.

When I am talking to the children about her, she is "your grandma"

I don't do that stupid 'talking to one person but really talking to another' thing.

shall we go out for a walk granny would be

shall we go for a walk mum /

or shall we go for a walk with your grandma

exoticfruits · 20/03/2011 08:58

So do I Hecate but I think it is very common, especially for those who have never worked out what to call MIL, to always refer to her as Granny. (as horrible as OP IMO)

LoveBeingKnockedUp · 20/03/2011 09:07

My mum does this but many as a way today what she thinks/wants and to pass it off as dd wanting it iyswim. Think she got the message when I reyes back the same way!

Original poster
Skinit · 20/03/2011 09:10

I just call mine by her name..I mean what else would you call them? They're not your Mum or Gran are they? And therein lies the trouble...I have to be nice to a woman who effectvely is nothing to me personally.

She's a good Nan so I like to try and keep the peace....but I don't particularly like her. If I worked with her I would possibly avoid her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skinit · 20/03/2011 09:11

Gooseberry you hit the nail on the head! It's terrible the way some people are all Confused about my complaints...

OP posts:
yummybump · 20/03/2011 09:12

YANBU- oo that would really grate me!

spanky2 · 20/03/2011 09:21

You are lucky she calls you Mummy. My MIL calls me the bitch who broke up her family! I don't speak to her as she counts marrying her son as breaking up her family.

Prunnhilda · 20/03/2011 09:32

I think it's a no-brainer and you are perfectly right to ask her to respect the fact that you'd like to be called by your name.

I'm trying to imagine a world in which I am called 'mummy' by any adult other than a healthcare professional (what IS it in their training that makes them do this?!), and I can't. Thank FECK. Grin

Original poster
Skinit · 20/03/2011 09:39

What? Healthcare Professionals are TRAINED to call women "Mummy"????

No.

Surely not!

OP posts:
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