To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

[WriterofDreams]

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

I had no need for nurseries. That doesn't mean I thought they should be banned.

Relative costs: BBC says a child in care costs £2428 per week in care, so that's about £126,000 per year.

Heck of a lot more than even the most expensive boarding.

Let's not get sentimental. We give our children the childhood (a) we can afford and (b) are prepared to put ourselves out for. Boarding school is hardly the worst sort of childhood out there.

Linerunner: there are state boarding schools, including for primary age children, so parents who think it's a good thing do have the option.

CEA is provided because of the demand of mobility at the Government behest. This thread has tended to polarise around forces families, but the Government also pays CEA to other unusually mobile staff, and other employers (eg BBC) have a similar allowance for certain categories of mobile staff.

I don't think anyone on this thread has said boarding is always good. But there are plenty who think it is unreasonable to equate it to child neglect and who do not want to make sweeping generalisations. It's an individual decision based on individual circumstances, and should not be subject to blanket judgements.

All this talk of social service's homes and welfare of the children would make my parents laugh, or cross.

It gets together a lot of children who are motivated etc It can have a knock on beneficial effect where bad behaviour is stamped out mostly by other children. The odd cider or whatever aside.

Meditrina Average costs for a Looked After Child in my area is approx £33,000 per year.

However some children in specialist units, e.g. with very special needs indeed, are resourced up to £250,000 per year. These case are rare but becoming more common.

That's why boarding schools that can cater for Looked After Children are of interest to Local Authorities. But let's face it, Eton and Rodean aren't going to take these children, are they?

"Linerunner: there are state boarding schools, including for primary age children, so parents who think it's a good thing do have the option."

Cool. Where are they?

I don't remember seeing them in the School Applications Booklet I was sent by my LA.

Not cross as too ridiculous. Well Eton isn't social services so I don't see why they should do.

Line runner, yes at the tax payers' expense where the work done in the service of taxpayers impacts on the education of children's education, and where moving is an absolute requirement, done at the employer's behest.

As for Germany - they may attend international schools but I assume the government feel they can provide the service more cheaply? Sorry - not sure if that is your question, nor do I know much about forces schools in Germany

The US armed services manage to educate large numbers of servicemen's children through the Department of Defence schools in the US and around the world. They run day schools at American bases. exSIL grew up in Germany, Georgia (US) and California and transferred schools along the way, encountering the same curriculum and losing no ground because of the uniformity of instruction.

So while I can see the usefulness of boarding schools for forces families right now the way things are set up, it is possible to do things differently and successfully and in a way that is egalitarian too, with children of personnel of all ranks where there are permanent bases (and armed forces housing for spouses and families) educated together.

Boarding school is a far more acceptable option for British families (maybe Irish too at a push) than it is for families of other cultures.

Here LineRunner

Town - Chilrens' Homes are long term and short term residential care facilities for children who cannot be cared for at home - and is provided by social services. The children there will have occassional visiting weekends, and go to school and take part in various activities.

In real term the Boarding School situation isn't a lot different, but it doesn't have the same stigma attached to it.

State boarding information.

BBC report was quoting a report to Parliament in 2009. I had though such reports were accurate, and that the headline cost would be a true reflection of the national average. What is the accurate average (or range)?

Our government (i.e. you and me) spend a lot of money supporting schools in Germany which the children of forces' personnel may attend. However it appears that certain officers are permitted to opt out of this system, at the taxpayers' expense. Why?

My job is done in the 'service of taxpayers' All I get is low pay and fuck all help from anyone (it feels!). I am expected to work unpredictable hours, and travel around as required. Try getting childcare for that basket of employer's expectations.

And that applies not just to me, but thousands of others trying to keep a job.

Oh god, I know I shouldn't get involved in an AIBU thread, I should just go away and wrap a cold towel around my head, but I just can't help it. To the OP, and others on this thread, WHY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE JUSTIFIED IN JUDGING PEOPLE ON THIS!?!?!

Boarding school is right for some children and families, and wrong for other children and families, JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE! It might be wrong for some, but is certainly not neglect.

My DH loved boarding school, his brother hated it. The mistake his parents made was not necessarily sending them to boarding school, it was not picking the right school (boarding or otherwise) to suit the child, and not being flexible enough to change track when it clearly wasn't working.

Some children will thrive, others wont. If you don't like it, don't do it, but don't judge those who do. Get over it!

Mathsanxiety. Yes, of course there is more than one way to bring up/educate children and the US system sounds good. I have attended a conference though where pyschologists asked a variety of children from "mobile" families who had experienced various and often mixed kinds of education (ie, day and boarding and sometimes back again) to discuss their experiences and I am sad to say that the ones who left nary a dry eye in the house were the teenagers (not little children) who had had to move regularly.

My DD1 and DS1 have just this year started at boarding school. It was something we would never have considered, however as a forces family my DD had had 4 schools by the age of 8 and then spent 2 years in a US school. When we returned to the UK she came to us and said that she wanted to go to boarding school, she was fed up of making new friends every 20-24 months, she didn't want to feel she had missed sections of her education (she just missed a 2 year chunk of history to learn the names of American presidents) and she knew it would be hard but in the long run it would be better for her. These were her words, we hadn't at this point discussed it with them as for us it was not an option, I didn't have kids to send them away. We looked at schools, found one she liked and our younger 3 (well 2 of them no 4 is only 4) liked and then DC2 said I want to go to. Next September DC3 is going as he misses the older 2 terribly and so far 8 months and 2 schools into this posting has not settled (1st school singled him out and bullied him as his dad was in the army, something no one could pick up on when looking around a school). Yes they miss home and yes they wished we lived closer but if you think I neglect them when I drive 162 miles each way in a day to go watch them play sport or go to a charity coffee morning then I don't get how you could say that. Also the school we chose is only 30 mins from my parents house and they will go get them if needed. DD was ill a few weeks back and within 2 hours of her temperature spiking and her sickness starting she was wrapped up in a blanket at grandma's house feeling better.

I would not be my ideal choice, but as a family having tried to give our kids stability by living apart so they could go to the same school we quickly realised this didn't work. The kids get to do far more activities than if they were at home, with 4 there is no way I can split myself into the taxi service needed. I would say however we now live for term time to be over and spend good quality family time with them, which I think is now better quality than it was before as we know how precious our time with them is. To say I neglect them makes me want to cry it isn't something any family does on a whim it is a hard long process and in current economic circumstances we couldn't leave to give them their stability.

Thanks for the state boarding school info.

Just checked out my nearest one.

Looks great but - (a) selective (very); and (b) the boarding costs are approx £10k a year.

Yikes.

Linerunner: There are 3 secondary military boarding schools in Germany. They tend to have mainly weekly boarders. So unless you live reasonably near one they are not a viable option. They also don't help with continuity of education if the parents moves part way through a GCSE or A level course.
Anyone can apply for Continuity of Education Allowance, it is for all ranks as long as the family is mobile.

Have been catching up on this.........

BONSOIR

''children should'nt be for life''

''When you are older you should not be so close to your parents''

Did you go to boarding school by any chance.

My child is for life...........Who agrees?

Ans I adore my parents they were ans are always there for me...etc etc....Who agrees?

Answers to PQs show that costs of SCE schools are the same as those in UK.

CEA is available to all ranks. I don't know any scheme which has separate provision for officers.

CEA is an option for mitigation against the detrimental effects of mobility. It applies to all mobile staff - postings to Germany (or any other single location) are not the point, it is the frequency of disruptive moves that matters.

ans = and

Hi again meditrina completely take your point and thanks for that. However I do wonder what proportion of non-coms' children attend British boarding schools compared to the proportion of commissioned officers. I feel an FoI request coming on!

Honestly, I just don't remember any girls at my boarding school, having army fathers who weren't majors or above.

"Linerunner: There are 3 secondary military boarding schools in Germany. They tend to have mainly weekly boarders. So unless you live reasonably near one they are not a viable option. They also don't help with continuity of education if the parents moves part way through a GCSE or A level course."

Fair enough. So why is the British taxpayer subsidising a system in Germany that doesn't work?

Animation so in the same way boarding schools could be likened to a long term activity holiday (but with lessons)?

Activity holidays are short term residential care facilities for children who have paid to be there. The children there will take part in various sports, drama and other fun activities, hang out with their new friends, eat good food and are looked after and guided by caring staff.

Although of longer duration in real term the Boarding School situation isn't a lot different but does have an academic side to it.

As with most posters I think that boarding at 7 is very young but we should acknowledge that that is reflected in the numbers of that age that do board. I would not say that it is wrong for all 7 year olds. I also suspect some 7 year olds are there for their parents convenience rather than the needs of the child.